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Stacey Nemour

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The Tao of Love, Sex and Anti-Aging: Part 8

Posted: 05/05/11 02:00 AM ET

Just because someone is psychic, can move energy and do seemingly other-worldly feats does not necessarily mean they are truly spiritual, have integrity or your best interest at heart.

When someone is trying to seduce you, watch what they do more than what they say.

If most of your family and friends have a "bad feeling" and get the "creepy crawlies" about this person you may want to take that into account when assessing the relevance of this person's place in your life.

I once had a relationship with a man who made most of my friends and family uneasy. Unfortunately, their resistance to him unintentionally drove me deeper into an extremely unbalanced person's arms. I ignorantly thought at the time it was because those around me did not have the higher consciousness to "get him". Plus, he seemed to "really get me" -- more than anyone had before. And so I began to retreat from everyone but him, creating our own private world with its own rules and boundaries apart from normal life.

I allowed this man to pull from my life force. He looked to me as his source of healing and energy. This created an unhealthy relationship for both parties. I was constantly drained and he became extremely dependent on me. The more I gave, the greater sense of entitlement he would have and expect it. I was doing the work for both of us.

In my meditation, I got the message that "I can eat, but he won't feel full." Meaning everyone is responsible for their own well-being. The most healing and loving relationships are ones that are in energetic balance.

When we keep our vibration high and are in alignment through prayer, service, meditation, chanting, connecting with nature and being in a state of gratefulness, our body heals and we look instantly younger. This attracts many types of people because they feel better in your presence. When we feel we have met a kindred spirit, it can be easy to project and feel that they are trustworthy and have the best intentions for us.

It all starts with being in a passionate loving relationship with yourself, no matter what your relationship status is. However, relationships do bring spiritual growth because the other person cannot help but mirror us and there is no hiding from our reflection.

Who we pick as a romantic partner has such a great impact on our lives. It is wise to take the time and pay attention to where to the vibration between you and your partner is at. When it is right, energy, beauty, laughter, creativity, financial wellness and healthy sexual expression go way up! This also happens when we are in the right relationship with ourselves. Of course, when we are not, those gifts can diminish significantly.

I was blessed to have a therapist -- Arlene Butler -- many years ago who is spiritual and at an advanced level in Tai Chi. During this unbalanced relationship, Arlene referred me to the teachings of Angeles Arrien, a cultural anthropologist. Arrien wrote that we should accept our mistakes and "detours" as teaching. It's about soul retrieval work, which is about reclaiming abandoned parts of ourselves, not blaming ourselves for screwing up.

My therapist would talk about boundaries and advise me not to be a "7-Eleven" . As the years have gone on, the importance of setting energetic boundaries still rings true. Someone can present well and create the illusion they are evolved. But just because they have read the right books and talk the talk, it does not exclude the possibility that they are really only highly skilled master manipulators -- just look at cult leaders. Once their manipulations get us to open the door, like a vampire they can invade us energetically, and it can feel as if a spell has been cast upon us.

People who have low energy or who are negative or emotionally disturbed, are not in alignment with the natural flow of energy. They can be described as energy drainers. They tend to pull energy from the people closest to them, so that they don't have to do their own inner work. This is nothing less than spiritual thievery.

If you choose to not send energy or to stop the person you are involved with from pulling energy from you and leaving you depleted, you can protect yourself by saying, "I am filled with and surrounded by the pure white light of the Christ (or God, Buddha, my higher self or any of the messengers of God you relate to most) through which nothing negative can ever penetrate and only my most high good can happen."

You can also just visualize yourself surrounded and filled with this powerful light, creating a protective shield against draining influences. I find that cutting all energetic cords between past loves or current ones that are not for your most high good is healing and will free up the energy that will allow you to move forward to a better place.

If you are ending something unhealthy or starting a new relationship, it's good to burn sage and/or dragon's blood incense and light up white candles around your home to clear the old energies.

In relationships with needy partners that always create situations that need your constant attention, one of the ways to help stay in energetic balance is to keep doing all the things you love in your life, regardless of their presence in it. Stayed plugged into your higher self so you can stay grounded and see things as they really are. One of the most dangerous things is to lose touch with our inner guidance system.

Clarity and empowerment come from speaking your truth! It is important to speak the words out loud. If you are not ready to say it to the person because you fear they are reactive or touchy, say it out loud to yourself first. I have done this and was stunned at the results; when the person arrived it was as if I had the conversation directly with him!

Remember, the energy of the words is just as important. Speak from a calm place of peace but hold your ground. You may find that the person you thought was so intimating to stand up to, was just posturing and scared. The one with the highest and calmest consciousness is the one with the most power.