Who we choose as a mate plays a critical part in our life, because it carries over into every area of our life.
The book Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill was written during the great depression in 1937, but all his teaching still rings true today. He has an entire chapter dedicated to the importance of selecting the right mate. In his list of pointers for attracting spiritual and material wealth he includes:
"WRONG SELECTION OF A MATE IN MARRIAGE. This a most common cause of failure. The relationship of marriage brings people intimately into contact. Unless this relationship is harmonious, failure is likely to follow. Moreover, it will be a form of failure that is marked by misery and unhappiness, destroying all signs of AMBITION. "
Also, in chapter 11, "The Mystery of Sex: Transmutation:"
"The emotion of sex has back of it the possibility of three constructive potentialities, they are:-
1. The perpetuation of mankind.
2. The maintenance of health, (as a therapeutic agency, it has no equal).
3. The transformation of mediocrity into genius through transmutation.
Sex transmutation is simple and easily explained. It means the switching of the mind from thoughts of physical expression, to thoughts of some other nature.
Sex desire is the most powerful of human desires. When driven by this desire, men develop keenness of imagination, courage, will-power, persistence, and creative ability unknown to them at other times. So strong and impelling is the desire for sexual contact that men freely run the risk of life and reputation to indulge it. When harnessed, and redirected along other lines, this motivating force maintains all of its attributes of keenness of imagination, courage, etc., which may be used as powerful creative forces in literature, art, or in any other profession or calling, including, of course, the accumulation of riches."
We are all responsible for our own happiness, well-being, weight, mental/emotional states, and whether to allow someone or something positive or destructive into our life.
Everyday we have the power of choice ... to eat foods that heal or harm, to treat others well or badly, to align with our higher self and sculpt our own happiness, or to let outside chaos dictate our reality.
With so much activity constantly going on in the world where nothing shuts off ... the internet, phone and media, it's easy to go on automatic pilot and stop listening to our inner truths. If we don't consciously guard our thoughts, it can easily lead to picking up the negative thoughts of others and making that our truth.
It's not our partner's responsibility to "make us" happy. If a person has very low self-esteem or an old program of pain /loss continually running in their head, it's impossible (even if your partner loves you with all of his being) for the love to get in.
Many times we are presented with forks in the road. Our greatest gift is the power of choice. We can feel love for, and want to heal/renew a person that is dysfunctional or has unhealthy addictions. We can even feel incredibly drawn to and comfortable with these people because we deeply identify with that person's pain. There may be an unhealed part within ourselves that we are not completely in touch with. We feel drawn to save them because unconsciously we are trying to save abandoned parts of ourselves.
Underneath that there is our own fear of true intimacy, because that type of person cannot fully "show up" for us. What most often happens is we start to go down with them; we unknowingly become enablers instead of healers.
Sometimes it's best to love these people and support them as a friend, not a lover (if you can do this from a place of unconditional love and non-attachment so as to not get 'snagged'), and all the while keep a space wide open for someone capable of loving to get in!
Part of the growth lesson is learning to love with wisdom, instead of love disguised as addiction. Pain can be an addiction; so can being the victim. If the same type of situations keep showing up over and over again, then it's time to stop and do an internal house-cleaning.
Life is very fleeting and before you know it your youth and chi (life-energy) is dried up and one can age quickly and manifest physical systems from the emotional pain.
We can only change that by:
1. Making a conscious choice to break the pattern
2. Be willing to be single for as long as it takes for your inner-work to manifest the right partner
3. Distance yourself from friends that are continually in toxic relationships, and from people who are envious or filled with negativity.
4. Create a love affair with yourself -- we can only give/receive in the same measure with how much we love ourselves. Stay in touch with your inner-protector, which will alert you when something isn't right!
5. Never make a decision or move until it feels right in your entire being (the body knows).
6. Get comfortable in the silence -- this is part of building your relationship with yourself. Enjoy the peace and quiet of your alone time (this may take time if you are not accustomed to it, but it is critical to staying centered and balanced).
7. Be good to yourself -- treat yourself the way you would like your ideal mate to treat you, and surround yourself with positive friends who treat you with respect.
8. Be the person you want to be -- immerse and saturate yourself with thoughts and impressions of what you want. Do not put your energy into thinking about what you do not want. The law of attraction is always at work!
9. Use wise judgment with whom you share sexual intimacy -- Otherwise, you can intertwine your energies with someone unhealthy, which will further cloud your mind and judgment. In the right relationship, love-making is just that: a celebration of love, a bonding and healing process.
There is a big difference between a partner who desperately "needs" to be with us, or one who "wants" to be with us.
How exciting to know we can leave the known old patterns behind and create a fulfilling new reality, where the precious gift of love may flow freely between two individuals who are both ready to go there.