THE BLOG

What Do Star and People Magazines Have In Common With Harold And The Purple Crayon?

05/19/2008 02:10 pm 14:10:37 | Updated Nov 17, 2011

So, I don't know about you, but I personally think after the 300th read of I love You So Much, Good Night Moon and Diddle Diddle Dumpling, you kind of have to step it up and color outside Harold's purple crayon line to keep the brain cells from deep slumber.

All you moms who are starving for some simple, cheap, quick adult conversation that doesn't require getting pretty or leaving the house.... here's a little trick from the "I'm not the mom but the auntie." Yup, I'm totally going to tell you how to do this whole parenting thing better. I know what you moms are all saying...and just think, my sister has to live near me!

Slide into the couch, blankie in hand and snuggle up to your child of choice (I do this with my cuter than cute one year old nephew Cole) and settle in for some super-sized "mom porn", also known as the tabloids.

Yep. I said the tabloids. Because truthfully speaking , sometimes I think it doesn't much matter what you read to your child, rather it's more about how you read it.

I try to grab the most moving, thought-provoking, "oh-my-goshie" issues from the stand (think Britney's shaved head or the one I think is about to happen any second: Jen Aniston and Brad Pitt caught kissing at the playground while one of his kids are hanging off a monkey bar) and after that it's all about how you present the material. Get into it, and sell it! Kinda like how you sell the whole "Honey, I really DO need a new pair of Louboutin shoes!" or "We absolutely need that amazing [fill in the blank]" to the father of your children. Try it in that super exciting, amazing, isn't this greatest story ever Disney voice.

And by the way, for those on a budget (aren't we all?) older issues are totally acceptable here. For example, recently I whipped out a sad and sandy-looking February issue and went with this headline "Colieeee, did you know that Jennifer Lopez and her not so sexy husband had their twins, yes, a baby boy AND a baby girl and she is sooooo happy that she can't eveeeeen believe (high pitch here) how she waited so long for this motherhood thing?" It totally works, he smiles and laughs and points and turns the pages and seems truly engaged.

The super big, later-in-life bonus here is that when he gets to be about 4 years old, I am going to get him booked on The Jay Leno Show. He'll be booked in that segment Leno does with the genius kid who knows all that random stuff like the names of the senators from every state, or inventions and what year they took place. Yeah -- Cole will be that kid. Jay will show him celebrity photos as Cole sits in that over-sized guest chair. He will shout out the celebrity's name one after the other in response to Jay's trivia questions in that super cute, only-a-four-year-old-won't-seem-pathetic-doing voice.

Jay: "Who was in court more - Mel Gibson or Lindsey Lohan?
Cole: "Lindsey Lohan!"
Jay: "What celebrity has 34 children?"
Cole: "Angelina Jolie!"
Jay: "What celebrity has been on a show about cars and boobs, and sings?"
Cole: "David Hasselhoff!" (Okay maybe not Knight Rider. But you know what I mean.)

Try it. It's multi-tasking meets recycling meets getting-caught-up-on-key-reading at it's finest.