Executricks Contest: The Party of the Third Part

Fortune's Stanley Bing continues to sift through the responses to his Executricks Contest, in which he called on Huffington Post readers to submit their finest tricks for retiring while still on the job. This is the third installment of responses; the initial contest post can be accessed here, and the first two "Best of Submissions" posts can be access here and here.

"I am not an Executive," says MS in NYC, "but I play assistant to several of them." She goes on to ask, "Can I submit several?" then breathlessly answering her own query. "That's a redundant question. I'm going to anyway, here goes:

• Committees, Committees, Committees: The more the merrier, but remember to delegate ALL responsibilities to Sub-committee chairs and make deadlines sooner than need be, since others, the wise ones, will be delegating as well;
• Walk briskly through halls, meeting rooms, and by other executive offices, with a serious, concerned countenance clutching a legal folder brimming with "documents" labeled URGENT (read: you are too busy and important to do anything that will keep you busy and be important).
• This tactic of walking around and looking engaged is cited by several contestants. It must be an entrenched style thing picked up at business school, or possibly an intuitive tic developed by work-shifters everywhere.

More substantial still - and a possible winner, I think - is CG, also of Manhattan, who weighs in with a cornucopia of know-how on the question of how to retire while you're still working. I mean... just lookit this!

1. Take mass transit and leave your car at work so people think you're the first to arrive and the last to leave.

2. Always have a spreadsheet open so you can click over from ESPN.com when somebody walks by your desk.

3. Have financial or important legal looking papers and binders piled up on your desk even if you use them for absolutely nothing.

4. Always look like you're in a hurry and panicked or frustrated...walk fast and be sure to always be holding some form of documents.

5. Randomly make copies and print out materials even if you dont need them.

6. Complain about how much work you have... make sure this is vague or obtuse.

7. Use phrases like I'll speak to my colleague, Let me check my files, What time is it in London?, Did you get that email?

8. Ask rhertorical questions or just question everything as though you understand or are invested in what's going on.

9. When dealing with your boss always project a mix of obsequiousness and passive agressiveness...while at the same time acting as though he's not as informed as you are as to whats going on.

Honestly! Just look at the insight, the depth of detail, the sheer profligacy of the content! Bravo, CG! I'd say you're looking good for that lunch at Michael's! I'm sure you'll be able to carve out the time, too. In fact, I'll bet I'm going to be the first one to say, "I'm sorry, but I have to get back to the office."

Previously:
Executricks Contest, Part Deux: More Good Stuff
Executricks Contest: Everybody's A Winner! (Until I Make Up My Mind)
Send Us Your Executricks: A Contest For Those Who Seek To Retire While They're Still Working

Comments

[S1m0n]

"This tactic of walking around and looking engaged is cited by several contestants. It must be an entrenched style thing picked up at business school, or possibly an intuitive tic developed by work-shifters everywhere."

Under the name, "hall-jogging", this was featured in at least one 80s tongue-in-cheek book on whitecollar time-wasting. Interestingly, it advised that hall joggers should carry file-folders, or a clipboard at most. Carrying an entire briefcase looks too much like they're just back from or leaving for lunch.