Stupid People of 2008 #241: "Postcard" Malware Hoaxers

I understand the purveyors of malware, sort of, the same way I get why people spraypaint walls or put chewing gum where people can step on it. At their most virulent, I suppose the digital vandals aren't that far from the anarchists who placed bombs in train stations, ostensibly as a philosophical or political statement, but really because they were nuts who wanted to hurt people.

In my imagination, I can certainly picture the guys who authored the "I Love You" virus sitting around and chortling about the people they stung with their idiotic handiwork a few years ago. I was one. I was doing what I always did at that time: downloading music while I worked. The champions of repression and copyright protection had recently swung into action and killed the peer-to-peer version of Napster that was my main joy back then. This seemed weird to me, I recall. How was anybody being hurt by me downloading 50-year-old tracks that were nowhere available on CD or vinyl? Anyhow, that ship sailed, and Napster was shuttered, and I found myself on Kazaa.

I had inputted the name "Van Morrison" into the search window and come up with a nice roster of tunes, selected them all and hit Enter. Then all hell broke loose.

I've never seen anything like it. My screen flipped to Outlook and a rolling torrent of messages began scrolling down my display like water over a sluice, e-mail being ejected from my outbox at a terrifying rate. The outgoing messages all bore protestations of my love for the recipient, which I saw to my horror included the CEO, the President, the CFO and every vice president, executive vice president and senior executive vice president in the organization, as well as hordes of people I did not know.

In six seconds I ascertained what had happened and turned off my computer. In that tenth of a minute, I later learned some 5,000 e-mails were delivered. The people who received them immediately knew two things: 1) I had been doing something I shouldn't have been doing on my computer that had nothing to do with company business and 2) I was a stupidhead who couldn't quietly manipulate his hardware without getting caught.

Fortunately people already knew this about me, pretty much. I got a lot of nice e-mail afterwards that I treasured. My favorite was from our CEO at the time, a notoriously tough, no-nonsense dude, who wrote me back, "Thanks, man. I love you, too." The least amused were the IT guys, who as usual had to clean up the mess.

Flip forward to this morning, when I got an e-mail that said:

Please read: Big Virus coming I checked with Norton Anti-Virus, and they are gearing up for this virus. I checked Snopes and it is for real!! Get this E-mail message sent around to your contacts ASAP. You should be alert during the next few days. Do not open any message with an attachment entitled 'POSTCARD,' regardless of who sent it to you. It is a virus which opens A POSTCARD IMAGE, which 'burns' the whole hard disc C of your computer. This virus will be received from someone who has your e-mail address in his/her contact list. This is the reason why you need to send this e-mail to all your contacts It is better to receive this message 25 times than to receive the virus and open it. If you receive a mail called' POSTCARD,' even though sent to you by a friend, do not open it! Shut down your computer immediately. This is the worst virus announced by CNN. It has been classified by Microsoft as the most destructive virus ever. This virus was discovered by McAfee yesterday, and there is no repair yet for this kind of virus. This virus simply destroys the Zero Sector of the Hard Disc, where the vital information is kept.

COPY THIS E-MAIL, AND SEND IT TO YOUR FRIENDS. REMEMBER: IF YOU SEND IT TO THEM, YOU WILL BENEFIT ALL OF US.

At this point, it can be said that I didn't just fall off the turnip truck. I went to Google, which sent me to the excellent Urban Legends site at about.com. That's right. There is no such virus. Sure, there are a host of mean, destructive Trojans, mugwumps, weasels and other malware that people have devised to attack you via greeting card. And you should watch out for them. This, however, is not one of them.

So we're back to my original question. What kind of numbnuts gets his jollies creating bogus information that simply scares other people to no good purpose?

Isn't that the job of financial journalism?

Comments

[raiheen]

The way in which the economy is suffering is not fully understood by most, it is almost impossile to get a loan these days, it is almost impossible to get a credit card, and people are turning to some bad advice and scams to help to try and pay a bill, get a car, or the like, used car salesman have been ripping people off for years, people think they purchased a car for $10,000 at 12% and are paying $400 a month for 60 months, that is $24,000, $14,000 more than originally spent, the reason I bring this uop because there are companies out there that are taking advantage of people, like Access Financial, they have a great scam going in local papers throughout the east, saying they are a company in Colorado, BBB, have no information on these people and they have been robbing people in NY, WV, and other states, people are paying to get a loan, they say, give me $600, we will give you $5,000, the money you give is the first four payments up front, it is terrible and with Adjustable Rate Mortgages and heavy car loans, people are doig deparate things to pay bills, America needs more help than $600, we are in the beginning of the end, unless there will be people in place, Lawmakers, that will change things

[DickTater]

Thanks Man, I love you too
that must have been priceless coming from the top capitalist

"What kind of numbnuts gets his jollies creating bogus information that simply scares other people to no good purpose?"

Why, the DeceptiCons who have been running our govt the last 8 years, that's who.
I can live in a world that is roiling and writhing with MalWare makers,
If I can at least be rid of these Republican World Destroyers.

[Aaror]

I got a similar e-mail telling me that there was a time bomb virus and telling me exactly where in my computer to look. If I had followed the instructions I would have disabled Java and crippled my computer. There are similar ones for a lot of essential componants of your computer.
While the urban legends is a place to look, I have a better recommendation. Go to McAfee's web site or Norton's web site. They have a list of the viruses they are worried about, and it is pretty all-inclusive (even including ones they already protect against). If your virus isn't on there, check their spam e-mail list, you will probably find your "virus," there.
Every time I get an e-mail like the one you described I go to one or both of those sites, find the proof that it is a hoax, and send the proof, along with the web pages, to everyone the original hoax was sent to.

[samuelpablo]

I love you too man!

[SamThornton]

The kind of people that sit around dreaming up new viruses? Those dad-ratted teen-agers, that's who. Excuse me, have to go shout at a cloud.

[BusGreg]

Numbnuts is too polite!
There is one other possibility. A few weeks ago I was sent an e-mail promising money and having to do with something Microsoft is up to. As it came from a friend of mine who does computer work for a living I sent it on to my friends. One of them works for a large programmer in Califormia who informed me that it was a way of collecting valid e-mail addresses to be sold to spammers.