03/18/2010 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

The Attack Of The Killer Holiday E-Discounts

This news arrived via e-mail just this morning:

Canon USA wants me to Wrap Up All My Holiday Shopping right now, and has many ways for me to save money., which helps people make vanity books, has a Cyber-Monday Sale.

Fantagraphic Books, which is a premiere publisher of comics for the intellectually robust, has a 30% off sale on all comix published in 2009.

JetBlue Airways is offering a Great Trio Sale with airfares of $39/$69/$99. My experience with JetBlue sales is that I never qualify for them or am interested in where they are going. My last airfare between New York and San Francisco on JetBlue was more than $400.

Apple is offering Great Pricing on Exclusive Accessories. They must be really great, because they sent me the e-mail twice. wants me to Give The Gift of Reading with their Kindle.

Sur La Table, which has been contacting me almost daily since I bought four placemats a month ago, wants to offer me an entire 14-piece set of Wusthoff knives for only $119. With free shipping! That's a good deal. Except I already have that set. Somebody else may need one, though. I'm not sure yet.

Perhaps instead I should get the Supreme Joyful Tidings Gift Tower from Wolferman's Bakery. I have no idea how I got on their e-mailing list, but they've been on my case for a while now. Nice tower.

EBay has Hot Gifts for Stanley Bing for under $50, with Free Shipping also.

Or I could Save 10% off everything at Ace Hardware today only!

Cushman Fruit Company, whoever they are, wants me to know that it's my Last Chance to Enjoy 25% off on selected gifts, with Free Standard Delivery on Others. Cushman's spokeslogo seems to be a talking orange.

Red Envelope's 25% off sale has been extended another 24-hours. This has always appeared to me to be a sign of weakness, but perhaps it was because demand is so high?

The Republic of Tea has holiday news. There are gifts under $15 plus a special holiday offer that I will learn about if I decide to open the e-mail.

PayPal, which is owned by EBay and offers me a way to pay online without much hassle, wants to inform me that there are Cyber Deals from Wal-Mart, plus other holiday offers.

The Museum of Modern Art wants me to shop their Holiday Gift Guide. Members get 20% off Today Only.

And all of that before 7:30 AM Eastern Time. That seems like a lot to me. It's not even counting the stuff I put an automatic Junk Mail label on, which now resides in my Deleted Files folder, unread. Perhaps I'd better check that now. I don't want to miss all the opportunities now being offered to me by Walgreens.