10/10/2013 02:26 pm ET Updated Dec 09, 2013

Boehner and Obama Agree to Fix DC Traffic Light!

Democrats and Republicans showed that they could pull together today when, in a symbolic act of symbiosis, the president, Barack Obama, and the Speaker of the House, John Boehner, agreed to vote federal funds to fix a traffic light in Washington D.C.

The cost of the repairs was $358.26. Both men examined the bill closely, to make sure that it hadn't been padded by unscrupulous D.C. electricians.

Of course this was not just any traffic light, but one adjoining a school crossing for children with disabilities, many of whom travel to and from the school in wheel chairs. The caretakers for these kids had to rush them across the street, dodging traffic, after the light broke.

Still, it took several unusual steps before the parties could agree to repair the light. First, Eleanor Holmes Norton, the District's delegate to Congress, pulled a moving all-night filibuster. Norton frequently burst into tears, saying that the Congress, Senate, and President HAD to agree to repair the light, in the interests of the children.

Even this might not have been enough to get the opposing sides to agree. But then, one extremely cute little girl was videoed trying to get across the busy street fronting the school with her mother. The girl and the woman were almost hit by oncoming cars, and had to retreat back to the curb several times, before they succeeded in crossing.

After the expenditure was okayed by the Senate and House of Representatives and signed by the President, Boehner, Obama, and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid posed, smiling, with their pens held high.

Next on the agenda for consideration is a stuffed toilet in the school, which has forced boys and girls to use the same rest room. Conservatives, especially, have considered this a funding imperative, and have taken out TV ads, complete with ominous music, showing a little boy running around in the hallway struggling to contain himself as he waited for the bathroom to be free of little girls.

Fortunately, DC plumber Jake Williams has volunteered to set up a temporary toilet in the school until the Congress and President can agree to fund a permanent bathroom repair. Photographed lugging the ugly installation into the school, Williams spoke sincerely into the camera: "I'm just not going to let little kids wet their pants -- this country has been great to me, so I can give it a Porta Potty to pee in!"

Oh, in other news today, Al Qaeda operatives kidnapped the American ambassador to Norway. Questioned while returning from Capitol Hill, the President said he would be getting right on the matter, as soon as he deals with the toilet problem. "We've got a number of really urgent problems we are confronting," the President said waving at the cameras.

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