Levi Johnston has decided he really loves the 19-year-old mother of his infant son, Bristol Palin, after all, and they're going to get married. She made fun of his hair! If that doesn't say love, I don't know what does.
Levi's put all of that Hollywood stuff in the closet, and returned to Wasilla to be with his teen-age true love. They're like Romeo and Juliet, only in that depressing play, Romeo didn't survive his exile. But, after all, R & J were troubled kids.
Like Romeo, Levi doesn't seem to have much to do besides be in love. How did Romeo make a living, anyhow? As for Levi -- how does he support himself, anyhow?
And that kooky teen Juliet, who seemed to have a parental problem (her father wanted her to marry that old guy, remember?). Well, what do you call what Bristol has with her mom? She didn't tell Sarah she was screwing Levi in the first place, of course. But now she didn't tell her they were getting back together -- let her read it in the celebrity magazines, like everyone else!
At least we know the answer to the question, "What the hell did Juliet do for money, anyhow?" as it applies to Bristol. She sells her story! In fact, she seems to have sold her "exclusive" story to both Us Weekly and People -- way to go Bristol!
Bristol's been lecturing kids on teen pregnancy, and appearing in teen pregnancy television shows. That should be enough to pay for her, Levi, and their son in Wasilla, right? (Speaking of which, what was the cost of living like in Padua? Whenever I dream about what if Romeo and Juliet really got together, I worry about them supporting themselves.)
Now, let me see, how does their re-engagement affect Bristol's effectiveness as a preacher for abstinence? I know -- they'll have to avoid premarital sex, which they didn't do well at first time around. That's why they're talking about getting married in six weeks. I don't usually give marital advice -- but, kids, can you make it any sooner -- know what I mean?
You know how those Capulets and Montagues could never get together? Well, the Bristol and Levi news brought the girls on The View (including even that right-wing nut, Laura Ingraham) together -- those yentas were all trying to figure it out. (Is "yenta" one of those words Shakespeare made up?)
So, just one last piece of advice, you crazy kids. Even if you're really bored just hanging around your houses -- or, if you really get married, in the same house (you know, Sarah's) -- no secret potions, okay?
Just say no! Maybe you can hang that as your motto over your cabin -- or whatever -- door.
(And, last piece of advice, promise: two words -- "reality show")