Feeding the Beast: Divorce British Style

The nasty and drawn out divorce battle between Paul McCartney and Heather Mills may soon be over. Thankfully, the judge has imposed a gag order so the media will have to sit tight on the sidelines while all the legal action happens behind closed doors.

Kudos your honor.

My tolerance for news stories based on rumor, gossip, and innuendo was reached and surpassed a long time ago, and there is no question that there has been plenty of this kind of silliness since Sir McCartney and Mills first split up. With allegations of affairs and physical and emotional abuse all over the London tabloids and in the world press, it seems to be lost on everyone that there's an innocent child at the center of this perfect storm.

Lord, what will we do when people learn to keep their private business private? How nasty is it that people who were once close to both these people are now coming out of the woodwork to pile on to the pain? It's sad when someone supposedly in a trusted position close to you, betrays your bond by talking about intimate details of your past relationship. Not only is it sad; it is desperate, tacky and despicable. If the best thing to ever happen to you is that you were friends (or lovers) with me, I'm screwed big time from the starting gate. It's like kicking someone when they're down; and in something as personal as a divorce -- it doesn't help either side. Yes, I'm a member of the media, but I'm glad a judge has finally put an end to all of these leaks. There is something "unseemly" about knowing this much about other people's private lives -- at least that's what the deaconesses at my church would say.

Not that I want to become the expert on this, but it seems to me that when you get a divorce, it's in everyone's best interest to simply approach it from the "it didn't work" perspective. Agree that you went into the marriage with the best of intentions, and that it didn't work out. Further, when you have children, the only question should be, "How do we resolve this marriage with our child or children in mind without causing more pain to each other?"

Here are the facts. The McCartney divorce will obviously be one of the largest settlements we've ever seen. Rest assured no one is going to go hungry on either side. The numbers that have been floated are completely off the charts for most people going through a similar situation. In the "real" world, most couples who are dividing their finances after a divorce, struggle with how they're going to feed their children and keep a roof over their heads. McCartney and Mills are so rich, they won't be worried about whether they can feed their child, their only concern will be what cuisine to feed their child and in which country they want to experience that particular cuisine.

The goal here for McCartney and Mills needs to be to walk away with dignity and grace and focus on their child and what is in her best interest. From the outside looking in, someone who loves either of them needs to remind both of them that Beatrice, their child is the product of the marriage when it was at its happiest, and not a factor in it at its most painful. Hurting each other during this difficult time only makes it worse for everyone and feeds the media's insatiable appetite for a good headline. Just because we're hungry, doesn't mean you need to provide the feast.

Comments

[HansB]

I didn't even know they were divorcing, and since I'm an avid newspaper reader, that can only mean that it IS possible to escape this sh... you know what I mean.

Divorce, however, is an interesting subject and I would like to state why I think people can't just say, "Well, it didn't work but we did love each other." It's because they're not indifferent enough. Sharing life with someone, especially when you're deeply in love, leads to that person becoming part of you, almost physically so. Breaking free from that - expelling the foreign body, as it were - is a very violent thing. And so we transform the former Mr or Mrs Perfect into Mr or Mrs Evil Incarnate, at least for a period of time.

That's where the kids come into play. Because how can you trust Mr or Mrs Evil Incarnate with your little loved ones? You can't!

Being aware of all this is very difficult when you're in the middle of it, and convincing the other of it is even more difficult. I humbly salute all parents who managed to separate without the children suffering any harm. I can't say as much, although I did try.

[lhsouthern1988]

i realize that on the scope of things that i should care about , this should be on the very bottom of the list, BUT it so so obvious she married him with one thing on her mind; how to get as much money out of it. she should be flogged for bringing a child into this and manipulating that for all the british pounds possible. He has to be flogged as much as her for not protecting his assets (both in the bank and in his pants).

[MyThought]

I don't care two hoots about the McCartney/Mills divorce - it's their issue and no one else has a right to be judge and jury, BUT I do get upset about Mills running around the media with her bellyaching - is she thinking about her daughter? Doesn't look like it.

McCartney has been quiet and dignified about it.

If Mills cared so much about her daughter she would have kept her mouth shut too. It will come back to haunt her.

[LDW]

I'm not a psychiatrist, but Heather Mills has Borderline Personality Disorder.
"Just as an active alcoholic or addict blames others for their substance abuse, those with personality disorders are often preoccupied with other people's behavior while avoiding any examination of their own behavior. Just as a movie projector throws a large image on a screen from a hidden booth, those with personality disorders project their internal conflicts onto their daily interactions -- usually without knowing it. All the world is a stage -- including court...

...Those with personality disorders often have an intensity that convinces inexperienced professionals -- counselors and attorneys -- that what they say is true. Their charm, desperation, and drive can reach a high level in this very emotional, bonding process with the professional. Yet this intensity is a characteristic of a personality disorder, and is completely independent from the accuracy of their claims."

These quotes taken from the following:

http://www.orangecounty.net/html/living_article5.html

[MsLiz]

Interesting article. No wonder so many family law attorneys burn out, myself included.

[LordMoon]

There should be no doubt in anyones mind that the sole purpose of Ms. Mills relationship with Paul, was to make money.

And unfornately, the courts allow the rape of men like this because they make so much money on it. That someone like her who is clearly a gold digger can use a child in this fashion is appauling.

It's just another example of sexual exploitation of men via marriage. And when it's all done there won't be any marriage, because there are just too many liabilities for men.

[MsLiz]

Why did you use the word rape? You think it is the same as having someone take your money without violence?

I spent too many years in the divorce court to let you get away with these uninformed comments. The courts do not make money off of divorces. Judges prefer that parties settle their cases rather than go to trial. The judge in the McCartney divorce hasn't rendered a judgment yet, but you have already criticised it.

I surmise that you made a bad marriage and think it is the fault of the court and not you and your spouse. You would be wise to remain single.

[LordMoon]

Divorce is one of the most lucrative things that courts do. It's a gold mine for attorneys, even if parties settle the attornies get their share of the loot. I'm sure you made a good living in court profiting on other's misery, but in the end their will be no marriage so you'll be out of job. You and your buddies ruined this country. That's why no one gets married any more. The only way that men can protect themselves from the rape and violence of the law is not to get married at all. That this woman can use a child in this fashion and you support the idea is distrubing, but I guess it's ok because someone made money.

[JScott]

And I wondered why are people really interested in the details, it would seem so boring are they really interested in it or is the media pushing it onto us. I was wondering the same thing about Ron Burkle's divorce, I'm glad he sealed it, I wonder WHY do folks find this so interesting anyway?

[schatsie]

Plum Village Rocks and if either or both of them were regular participants in mindfulness, this never would have become this issue...

This is another tail of the rich and famous and not happy yet..... Imagine that, so we should give the rich and famous more tax breaks...

I do admire both of them about the Vegan thing, but it was not hard to see that both of them like the publicity, somewhat like that other couple Charles and Diana.. Too bad that feeds the ego and makes them out of control.

[Marco]

What is this post doing here? Am I on The Love Boat? Is today Backwards Day in Mortville?!?

[simplysimon2]

Once again you nail it. Good show! Thanks.

[DietrichMoody]

"Thankfully, the judge has imposed a gag order so the media will have to sit tight on the sidelines "

But that should not stop you from going to the UK to cover it.

"dignity and grace" ??

What has become of celebrity in the last 15 years does not exemplify dignity and grace.

However, Sir Paul has conducted himself in the most graceful way, keeping his mouth shut and talking with his music. Maybe because he's been around much longer and knows that the public likes their celebrities and public figures to deal with their garbage, quietly and professionally.

[michie62]

Paul Is and always will be a class act. Beatrice is a very blessed girl to have an emotionally mature and stable father.

[cheesewiz]

So emotionally mature that he married an entirely age-innappropriate woman?