Posting My Half-Naked Picture On The Internet: The Aftermath

Editor's note: In addition to publishing the blog post that has gotten Stella so much attention this week and one reflecting on the origins of her body image issues, we wanted to share this one on her response to the attention that her first post has received, originally published on her Tumblr The Body Love Blog.

I saw Brandon from HONY just down the block from where I live.

I was super excited, and approached him asking if I could get a picture of him. He was so nice, and agreed readily. I snapped him taking a picture of a young man in a wheelchair. He then asked me if he could take my picture. OF COURSE I agreed, anyone who knows me knows I love I having my picture taken.

After he took a few shots, he asked me "So what's your story?"

I told him about my sizeism project, my blog, and the picture on tumblr that got a lot more attention than I thought it would. He said he was really interested, wanted to put me up on the blog, and to email him as soon as I got home with all my info. I did just that.

I expected him to post the CLOTHED picture of me, and link to my blog, so anyone who was interested could check it out.

So needless to say I was a little surprised when I saw my half-naked self on Facebook, getting thousands of likes every minute.

My first instinct was to burst into tears. It's what I do when I'm too overwhelmed and don't know how to feel. A million thoughts raced through my brain - but the most prominent one was

"This is exactly the exposure you wanted to spread the message of size acceptance. This is the perfect venue for you to share your story, and you should be honored."

Then why did I feel like utter sh*t?

I knew that thousands of people were looking at my body. I knew thousands were judging me.

Still, I knew more were supporting me, sharing kind words, and getting something from what I wrote.

IT'S WAYYYYY EASIER, however, to focus on the smaller percentage of negative assholes rather than the overwhelming love.

I panicked. I emailed Brandon, asking him to please post the other picture with a little more of what I had to say, as I thought maybe that would stop some of the trolls. I didn't know how to feel. Here I was, this woman speaking about loving yourself and accepting who you are, suddenly absolutely devastated because some random people I don't know were saying nasty things about me on the internet.

Brandon was amazing. He offered advice, his support, and told me if I ever changed my mind he would delete the picture.

I took a few hours with myself to sit and think and absorb what was happening. Should I tell him to delete it? Should I delete my blog? Should I persevere and leave it up?

Finally, I decided to leave it. I know what I am trying to do, which is help young women struggling with their body image and expose the hypocrisy and cruelty that is sizeism, is SO MUCH MORE IMPORTANT whatever feelings I may have about myself.

I didn't do this for attention or sympathy. I have people in my real life who help me with anything I need, I don't need to look to strangers for that.

I am doing what I'm doing in the hopes I can make a difference in a world that has so much cruelty.

But also know that I am human. I have my bad days. Maybe I will change my mind and decide I don't want to be in the public eye, and everyone will forget about me in about 2 seconds.

But I hope I continue to gain strength from this experience, and get the chance to tell my story at a widespread level.

And I hope you know that to all who have been supportive, I love you.

This post originally appeared onThe Body Love Blog.

MORE FROM STELLA:

Why I Took This Picture -- And Put It On The Internet

Backstory: How I Learned To Hate My Body -- And Love It Again

 

Follow Stella Boonshoft on Twitter: www.twitter.com/brrbitchbrr

Comments

[Rodrigo Valle]

07:34 PM on 10/24/2012

Very Beautiful

[bikelady1]

10:58 AM on 10/24/2012

STELLA. Admire your hutzpa (sp?). Remember you are still very young and what looks ok for you now, wont when you are in your 30's, 40's,50's. Men love curvy woman. Most woman are not naturally skinny stick woman. who wants to be anyway! eat healthy, exercise and get to "your own natural weight" that your body will set for you. You were born that way... Only then will you truly be happy inside because each morning you must look at yourself in the mirror and see the real STELLA.

[Snickerandgrins]

08:29 AM on 10/24/2012

Stella, my dear, you have got more guts & grit then I do. I would point you out to my daughter as a role model. You are standing up against bullies, ignorance and corporate America that says unless you are a size 2 we must not be worthy. I would not hesitate to introduce you to my child and say "It is okay to just be you". Would we all like to be skinner, taller or maybe kinder, well duh. My Grandmother use to say" I can not judge you because I don't walk in your shoes". Man if only everyone would consider that before opening their opinions. Be safe, be happy but be you.

[JackieShepherd]

04:29 PM on 10/23/2012

Everyone is so fond of talking about the physical health concerns of being overweight. What about the emotional health concerns that come from living in a society where we're bombarded with images of anorexic models (who are often truly, literally, anorexic) and comments by fat-bashing cyber-bullies? So many girls/women hate their bodies, hate themselves for anything that goes in their mouths, hate themselves for not exercising 2+ hours a day... No matter their size. I'd rather have happy, confident people burden the health care system with obesity-related illnesses than continue to see growing numbers of people dealing with anorexia, bulimia, binge-eating disorder, and food-related anxiety and depression. The chick in the photo is doing her part to help women stop hating themselves, and her courage is very inspiring.

[Simone Carlisle]

06:41 AM on 10/23/2012

Stella, you are beautiful! Yes, people love to point out the health issues that come from being overweight and suggest you "just loose weight" it's not always so easy to loose, weight people! genetics, crappy health/eating/diet advice and other factors make it extremely hard for most people to loose weight permanently, and the efforts and deiting can do your body more damage, but learning to love yourself no matter what weight...that is truly valuable. Rock on Stella!

[BeesKness]

03:30 PM on 10/22/2012

"This is exactly the exposure you wanted to spread the message of size acceptance." My problem with you is this. Accepting obesity and all the healthy issues that come with it is not a good message. It is not something I would encourage my daughter to accept. I would not point you out as someone to look up to.

I will however commend you for standing up to the people who bullied you.

[BeesKness]

05:28 PM on 10/22/2012

thanks, I meant health issues not healthy issues btw...oops

[JenellyS]

09:53 AM on 10/24/2012

I don't think you read her back story. She has PCOS, which is why she can not lose weight. She is a role model to all of the women out there with PCOS that get judged for being "obese" which is something they can not even control.

[BeesKness]

03:24 PM on 10/24/2012

Someone else told me that on the original story.  Show me a medical reference that states PCOS acts on the body by mulfipling fat cells.  You won't find it because that is not why wt gain is a side effect of PCOS.  Hormonal changes, decreased metabolism, and or increased appetite are side effects of many diseases and medications.  That isn't an excuse just because someone faces some challenges to wt loss it can be done.  Change in diet and increase in activity is what it takes.  People need to take action against their obesity not just sit back and go o well. 

[Throughthemilkyway]

05:22 AM on 10/23/2012

I agree about health issues, but man, why would she care for what most men want? Is that the point of being a woman? Being presentable and hot, pleasing men's eyes and minds? No. Sorry. Everyone is different and I'm sure this girl will be loved. And it will probably be a much more real love cause it won't be about her "hot" body.

[Christa R Ansbergs]

08:34 AM on 10/23/2012

What "everyone knows" about weight is highly inaccurate. What's way more important than losing weight is getting physical activity. http://bjsm.bmj.com/content/43/12/924.full But, oh, hey, you can't tell how active someone is just from looking at them (unless they're really ripped but of course that could be steroids!)

Another thing that's unhealthy is stress. So shaming people by telling them they're unattractive and have a "lesser life" isn't exactly looking out for their health. Why point out that one thing is unhealthy while promoting another unhealthy thing?

[Perugini Giancarlo]

01:33 PM on 10/21/2012

Stella non so parlare bene l' inglese , te lo dico in italiano , sei bellissima così quelli che criticano sono invidiosi per la tua forza d'animo Ciao.

[sonny088]

09:18 PM on 10/20/2012

good for you! If you're happy with who you are and you feel good then the heck with everyone else!

[jsyjr]

08:19 PM on 10/20/2012

Stella, Your picture conveys what - in spite of advertising messages and images - most men know instinctively, namely that what make a woman attractive, sexy and desirable is confidence. Keep smiling and good luck.

[popgirl23]

07:20 PM on 10/20/2012

Stella, you are beautiful. I almost want to cry for your beauty, and your struggle... because we all struggle. You exposed a raw vunerable side. But please know... you are admired for your courage and your struggle. Because it represents a lot of struggle. Be you. Be happy. You are loved.

[ltcwest]

05:55 PM on 10/20/2012

Don't let anyone else define what is "normal" uless it is your physician and they are being dead serious- like when you are in a hospital bed or the ER. What's normal for you might be abnormal for everyone else. There is a picure of the boy and it's internal parts in every medical text book which lists the size and weight of each organ. If you take apart 100 people, most will have parts that are not the exact size of the pictures in the book - SO WHAT? Big Friggin Deal! If we were all the same, we would all wear the same size shoes- think of it!

[1waitasec]

05:36 PM on 10/20/2012

your courage is to be commended. it's people like you that produces the progress that challenges taboos. thank you sista!!!!

[Hmuir]

05:17 PM on 10/20/2012

You should be proud of yourself, don't let anyone put you down! If people can't accept as your are then that's their problem and are not worth being around! People who put you down lack the ability understand to what's outside their little worlds and there for can't feel any compassion for anyone that isn't like them. Life is unfair that is very true but I see it as set of cards you are given yes the cards may change in your life put play with what you are dealt with and most of all be yourself! Most people prefer honesty and that's what you have done been true all the way!

[chrisdeitz]

02:21 PM on 10/20/2012

I think you are terrific. Brave, honest, and forthright, also. Plus, I think you're pretty & cute. It's amazing what happens when you get a little older, too. Many of those you went to school with who had the "perfect" body, will be heavy and out of shape by time they are 30. Go to a your 10th or 15th class reunion and see! Haven't read your blog, just saw this post on Huffington Post. Keep being true to yourself, and know you have a ton of people who think you're a gem and admire you a great deal.

From a guy whose wife went through the same things while growing up.

[Daniel Soule]

10:00 AM on 10/21/2012

A ton of people these days is far fewer than 30 years ago. While I understand and empathize with your sentiment here we have an obesity epidemic in this country that needs to be addressed. NO one should be shamed or bullied but that doesn't take away from the seriousness of where this country is headed with the poor health of it's citizens.