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A New Preschool for the 50 Plus Crowd!

03/23/2015 04:18 pm ET | Updated May 23, 2015

Simon Says... adults go to preschool! Don't believe me? The very first preschool for grown-ups just opened up RIGHT HERE. But now I found something a bit more suited for our age group. And even though some of my classmates have had their arthritis flare up while finger-painting, we still have ourselves a blast.

Here's a typical day's curriculum.

Morning Circle Time: Calendar: Can you actually remember what day it is? Weather -- let's look outside and talk about rain. Will your bursitis act up? Stretching -- can you touch your toes? Should you??

Song Time: Wrinkle, Wrinkle Little Scar, If You're Peppy And You Know It, Middle-Age MacDonald Had an Organic Farm, On Top of Old Fogey, Do Your Boobs Hang Low?`

Sharing Time: Swap good dental plans, a referral for a rheumatologist, or an effective eye cream for crow's feet!

Show & Tell: We're proud of ourselves! Susan cut calories and fat from her meatloaf recipe. Carol got new yoga pants. Richard is finding himself in therapy.

Snack Time: Non-GMO kale chips sprinkled with Metamucil and lactose-free skim milk.

Playground Time: Today we're hanging from monkey bars to tighten flabby arms. Tomorrow: Arthroscopic Knee Surgery Racing.

Arts 'n Crafts: Use Play-Doh to form heel inserts or arch supports, String beads to make chains/necklaces for our reading glasses. Coloring within the lines...of our face.

Story Time:
Goodnight Prune, Poky Little Progesterone, If You Give a Man Some Nooky.

Nap Time: Bring your own orthopedic pillow.

Nursery Rhyme Time: Jack and Jill went over the hill -- Mary, Mary, still eating dairy! -- Hickory, dickory dock, We can't turn back the clock.

Closing Circle Game: "I spy with my little eye... some bad hair dye, facelift gone awry, elbows that are dry, someone no longer spry!"photo 2 (5)

In the few weeks since I've attended class, I've noticed slight changes at home with my own children. Here, listen in and see for yourself.

16-Year-Old Daughter: (on her cell) Can't you see I'm on the phone? How many times have I told it's not polite to interrupt?

Me: It's just that I have a headache. Could you keep it down?

16-Year-Old Daughter: Don't you take that tone with me! You're just cranky because you haven't eaten.

Me: You're right. We should go out for pizza.

19-Year-Old Son: When we want your opinion, we'll ask for it.

Me: (hanging head) Sorry.

19-Year-Old son: Look at me when I'm speaking to you. If you can get your shoes on before I can count to three, maybe we'll go for pasta.

Me: Oh goody. Can I get a diet coke?

16-Year-Old Daughter: We'll see.

At restaurant:

Me: (Checking out some cute guys at the next table) Wow!

21-Year-Old Daughter: You can look at those things, but don't touch.

Me: (taking out my calorie counter book, kitchen scale, and diet salad dressing in container) I wonder what I can order that's on my Weight Watcher's plan.

21-Year-Old Daughter: (to Waiter) I apologize for her behavior. She's special needs. ADHD. (Annoying Dame Having Dinner)

All in all, I think I'll stick with my new preschool program because I finally know what I want to be when I grow up... a 5-year-old. Hey, it can happen!

Check out the Author's Humor blog right HERE for more laughs about a special restaurant for Mid Life Women - - "I'll Have the Menopasta With a Side of Heatballs!"

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