Simon Says... adults go to preschool! Don't believe me? The very first preschool for grown-ups just opened up RIGHT HERE. But now I found something a bit more suited for our age group. And even though some of my classmates have had their arthritis flare up while finger-painting, we still have ourselves a blast.
Here's a typical day's curriculum.
Morning Circle Time: Calendar: Can you actually remember what day it is? Weather -- let's look outside and talk about rain. Will your bursitis act up? Stretching -- can you touch your toes? Should you??
Song Time: Wrinkle, Wrinkle Little Scar, If You're Peppy And You Know It, Middle-Age MacDonald Had an Organic Farm, On Top of Old Fogey, Do Your Boobs Hang Low?`
Sharing Time: Swap good dental plans, a referral for a rheumatologist, or an effective eye cream for crow's feet!
Show & Tell: We're proud of ourselves! Susan cut calories and fat from her meatloaf recipe. Carol got new yoga pants. Richard is finding himself in therapy.
Snack Time: Non-GMO kale chips sprinkled with Metamucil and lactose-free skim milk.
Playground Time: Today we're hanging from monkey bars to tighten flabby arms. Tomorrow: Arthroscopic Knee Surgery Racing.
Arts 'n Crafts: Use Play-Doh to form heel inserts or arch supports, String beads to make chains/necklaces for our reading glasses. Coloring within the lines...of our face.
Story Time: Goodnight Prune, Poky Little Progesterone, If You Give a Man Some Nooky.
Nap Time: Bring your own orthopedic pillow.
Nursery Rhyme Time: Jack and Jill went over the hill -- Mary, Mary, still eating dairy! -- Hickory, dickory dock, We can't turn back the clock.
Closing Circle Game: "I spy with my little eye... some bad hair dye, facelift gone awry, elbows that are dry, someone no longer spry!"photo 2 (5)
In the few weeks since I've attended class, I've noticed slight changes at home with my own children. Here, listen in and see for yourself.
16-Year-Old Daughter: (on her cell) Can't you see I'm on the phone? How many times have I told it's not polite to interrupt?
Me: It's just that I have a headache. Could you keep it down?
16-Year-Old Daughter: Don't you take that tone with me! You're just cranky because you haven't eaten.
Me: You're right. We should go out for pizza.
19-Year-Old Son: When we want your opinion, we'll ask for it.
Me: (hanging head) Sorry.
19-Year-Old son: Look at me when I'm speaking to you. If you can get your shoes on before I can count to three, maybe we'll go for pasta.
Me: Oh goody. Can I get a diet coke?
16-Year-Old Daughter: We'll see.
At restaurant:
Me: (Checking out some cute guys at the next table) Wow!
21-Year-Old Daughter: You can look at those things, but don't touch.
Me: (taking out my calorie counter book, kitchen scale, and diet salad dressing in container) I wonder what I can order that's on my Weight Watcher's plan.
21-Year-Old Daughter: (to Waiter) I apologize for her behavior. She's special needs. ADHD. (Annoying Dame Having Dinner)
All in all, I think I'll stick with my new preschool program because I finally know what I want to be when I grow up... a 5-year-old. Hey, it can happen!
Check out the Author's Humor blog right HERE for more laughs about a special restaurant for Mid Life Women - - "I'll Have the Menopasta With a Side of Heatballs!"