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Stephen Collins
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Entries by Stephen Collins

Six Degrees of Ellen DeGeneres, Russell Brand, Russell Simmons, David Lynch and Oprah

(79) Comments | Posted December 1, 2011 | 6:59 AM

What do I have in common with Ellen DeGeneres, Russell Brand, Oprah, David Lynch, Martin Scorsese, and Russell Simmons? Probably not all that much, but... we all practice TM, Transcendental Meditation.

We have virtually nothing in common in terms of personal style, the art we attempt, or, for all I...

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It's Official: I'm Not Famous

(204) Comments | Posted April 17, 2009 | 3:47 PM

Rodney Dangerfield, I feel your pain. In the new movie State of Play, Ben Affleck plays a politician named Stephen Collins. Now, I know a thing or two about how studio lawyers vet the use of names in movies and TV shows. If there's even a slight chance that a...

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The Time Tax

(37) Comments | Posted March 26, 2009 | 9:10 PM

We hate to spend money needlessly, but how much of your time are you giving away these days to fix seemingly small mistakes that other people -- and companies -- make? I just spent forty five minutes on the phone with an irritating woman from Credit Collection Services (CCS). They've...

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I'm Willing to Die to Get Rid of Those Little Stickers on Fruit

(43) Comments | Posted September 13, 2007 | 11:03 AM

I'm willing to die to get them to stop putting little stickers on every single piece of fruit in the world. Someone has to come forward. Might as well be me. My series was canceled, anyway.

The supposed beauty of these stickers is that, if you're poisoned, you have a...

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How George Bush Can Salvage His Presidency. Today.

(170) Comments | Posted September 5, 2007 | 10:09 AM

Yup. George Bush can re-write his place in history, restore American prestige worldwide, and be remembered as a great president. All he has to do is give this little speech I've written for him.

The speech does not contain the word "Iraq." I'm not a (total) egomaniac, and I'm not...

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What do George Bush and Andrew Lloyd Webber Have In Common?

(152) Comments | Posted August 24, 2007 | 12:47 PM

Talk about guilty pleasures, Deal or No Deal is the apotheosis of the dumb-down of the TV game show -- absolutely no skill required. It's the equivalent of watching someone continually betting everything on the flip of a coin. When, we wonder, glued to the screen, will their luck fail...

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To Continue in English, Press "1"

(123) Comments | Posted August 20, 2007 | 12:01 PM

It's madness that making English the official language of the U.S. is even an issue, much less a partisan one. If you moved to Paris, would you expect your kids to be educated in English -- at a French public school? The PC notion that we should be "sensitive" to...

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You May Read This, Or Press "1" For More Options ...

(30) Comments | Posted August 16, 2007 | 3:09 PM

On behalf of everyone who has ever called anyone on a cell phone, I want to cheerfully propose a class-action law suit.

When you call a cell phone and there's no answer, I don't need to remind you that you'll be greeted with a happy robot voice saying, "The person...

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