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Stephenie Zamora

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How to Master the Art of Falling Apart

Posted: 11/11/2012 10:02 am

"Sometimes things fall apart so that better things can fall together." -- Marilyn Monroe

Over the course of my life, I've mastered the art of falling apart.

You see, there's this point at the deepest depths of our hurt and sadness that's truly magical. It's the point at which we see things clearer than we ever thought possible. It's where miracles happen -- after all, "a miracle is simply a shift in perception" (A Course in Miracles).

First off, I'm in no way suggesting that hurt and depression are good places to hang out. They're not. I'm all about happiness, joy and fulfillment! However, when things in your life aren't working or you're feeling down and overwhelmed, sometimes you have to fall apart. The longer you resist this necessary mess of emotions, the longer you'll suffer and the sooner you'll lose yourself completely.

When you allow yourself to feel what you feel, you give yourself permission to say that something isn't right. Something has to change, you deserve more or better, or you desire something new and different. When you give yourself permission to speak your truth, you take the first step toward making positive shifts.

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How to Master the Art of Falling Apart:

Know that there is only joy and fulfillment on the other side.

Falling apart doesn't mean that you're going to break down and life as you know it will end... It means that you're willing to face the reality of your situation and to feel, speak and honor your truth. The reason I've become a master at falling apart is that I've come to see what's on the other side is far more amazing than I could ever imagine.

Falling apart simply means you're surrendering to that intuitive voice that says, "Things have to change." You're saying okay... you're feeling the hurt, frustration, overwhelm or sadness... and then you're moving through it to something better.

Remember, these feelings will pass.

Start to look at your emotions like passing clouds in the sky. If you allow yourself to be open to just feeling your feelings rather than resisting them, they will pass. If you choose to resist them, however, the opposite happens.

Not only do the feelings linger, they intensify within you. They do this because you're putting so much focus, energy and resistance on them that it begins to overwhelm you. Don't fight what you're feeling -- allow it to bubble up and be what it is. Don't make it into something more by over-thinking dwelling or fighting against it. If you're sad, be sad. If you're angry, be angry. Don't act on it or indulge in it -- it's nothing more than a simple feeling or emotion.

Be kind to yourself.

Don't beat yourself up about this! There is nothing wrong with how you feel and whatever is happening for you right now is what's supposed to be happening. Don't "should" on yourself... "I should be happy," "I should be more grateful," "I should be more put together than this," etc.

Do something that makes you feel cared for. Talk to a best friend, go to the spa and get a massage, or take a mental health day and hit the beach or your happy place. Sleep in, stay in your jammy pants and make yourself a nice green smoothie. Don't put any stress or pressure on yourself to feel anything other than what you feel right now.

Gently push through to something better.

Always, always be sure to move forward at a pace that feels good to you. Yes, allow yourself to fall apart and feel all the feelings that come with it. To process and release negative emotions and energy. Write out your feelings and get a solid understanding of what you're experiencing and what needs to change.

Take your time with this part... But always keep gently pushing forward.

It can be very easy to fall into a funk or deep depression, but if every day you do one little thing to move yourself in a better direction, you'll begin to feel better, slowly but surely. Get some fresh air every day, read a little bit of a book on the subject or get out and do something that you know you love to do. It's not about force, more of a gentle forward movement. Don't add any more stress to the situation, but do work to stretch yourself just enough.

Take action now!

Get out a notebook or journal and answer the following questions:

  • Where am I feeling overwhelmed, sad or frustrated?
  • What would it feel like to be honest about what I want or need?
  • If it could go perfectly, how would this situation change?
  • Where am I blocking myself from feeling what I need to feel or expressing what I need to express in order to create this shift?


Stephenie Zamora is the founder of www.stepheniezamora.com, a full-service, life-purpose development, design and branding boutique. Here she merges the worlds of personal development and branding to help young women build passion-based businesses. Click here to download her free guide, "The Unexpected Trick to Transforming Your Life With ONE Single Question."

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