Dear Steve,
So there is this guy I met at my job over the summer. He is a senior in college getting ready to get his degree in mathematics. He is so handsome, yet so sweet. The only thing is, I can't really tell if he's into me or not. He's asked my homie about me, he's surprised me at my apartment once just to see me and say hi, we goof at work and laugh all the time, we even spent some time together.
But he has his days when he seems as if he doesn't want to be bothered. I'm not the type to chase behind men, but I also hate mixed signals. I would be a damn fool to let this one slip away. He has goals, he's smart, has ambition, drive, and will do what's right to be successful. I want to get to know him. So what do I do from here? Do I ask him what's wrong, or do I just say goodbye and move on?
You probably won't want to hear my answer, but the simple truth is it's never a good idea to fall for someone who isn't ready to catch you. You sound like a terrific woman, so if this dude isn't ready to start something good, it might have more to do with timing than with you. He probably thinks you're amazing, but he might not feel ready to pursue you at this time.
If Math Guy was into you, he would let you know. Just flirting and laughing isn't enough of a sign. Neither is showing up at your place without a plan. If he calls you and asks you out on a date, that's a sign. Real men--even young ones--go after the things they want. The guy you fall for should want to move mountains to be with you. Don't give your heart away to someone who's just a friend.
Men who are crushing for you will do anything they can to live up to your expectations if they're interested in developing a relationship, so don't lower yours just because this guy seems like a catch. He'll still be a catch next year and there's nothing wrong with being friends first. Guys are either going to play with you or see you as a woman with whom they can make plans. To stay in the second category, keep in touch in a casual way and let him come to you when the timing is right. There's always next summer.
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