Damn You, You Activist Judges and Your Insatiable Need to See Our Kids Get AIDS!

I don't want to go mediamatters.org all over you but it's always fun to look forward to how the Lords of Loud will take an indefensible action by President Bush and the GOP and turn it into something that their dwindling listenership can get their passion behind.

"There were more children killed yesterday on California roads than in Iraq."

Oh, Rush,you kidder.

"Haditha...how do we know those murdered (including the infants) kids weren't insurgents?"

That Hannity is one great American.

There was one nospinster who told John McCain that he knew better how to handle POWs than McCain.

And, of course, my personal favorite: blah-blah-blah, or something to that effect.

But it is with the Federal Marriage Act that the boys and girls of broadcast blowhardom really showed their "Don't Go Climbin' Brokeback Mountain" spurs.

Monday, Bill O'Reilly, making the case that President Bush's support for the Federal Marriage Amendment, said it was simply a case of the President putting his foot down against activist judges. Pandering never entered the monologue. Just the Rove buzzwords that had tested so well on the folks at focus groups in Foxnewsland.

Only when a caller brought up the small possibility of the President pandering to his conservative base did Bill grudgingly admit that it might play some part.

Never one to back away from a fight, and with a plethora of facts provided by his crack investigative staff, Bill moved his argument straight into slippery slope territory as he laid out the facts of what would happen if we allowed gay marriage.

Dealing with that old wive's tale of being born gay: "There are people who are born wanting more than one bride."

About the horrors of polygamy run rampant if gay marriage was adopted : "There would be more polygamists than gays."

And who can ever forget the worldwide proof to support Bill's position: "In Africa where it is legal, there are more polygamists than gays."

Check it out. Irrefutable evidence of the rationale to make sure Log Cabin Republican boys don't go collecting pensions from Log Cabin Republican boys.

Discrimination? Bigotry? Intolerance?

Nope. Activist judges.

They've done it before.

Ending segregation. Equal rights for women. Hate crime laws.

Do I need to go any farther?

Mr. And Mrs. (Read: Not Mr. And Mr.) America Let's not these activist judges make our children any more gay than they have to be.

Thank God we have a President who won't kowtow to those who want to make this making this issue a divisive one.

Yesterday, in his speech from the Eisenhower Room (moved from the Rose Garden so it would be harder for God to see), President Bush said this debate should be conducted with - wait for it - wait for it -- "tolerance and respect and dignity."

Hopefully the Lords of Loud will hear Mr. Bush and the Lords of Loud, loud and clear. And hopefully those insurgent infants in Haditha will begin to understand what Democracy is all about. At least the straight infants.

Steve Young is the author of "Great Failures of the Extremely Successful (www.greatfailure.com), and can be read every Sunday in the L.A. Daily News Oped pages (right next to Bill O'Reilly).