Yesterday, Glenn Beck announced his plans for a "Day of Service" rally to be held in Atlanta, Georgia on Saturday, January 15th.
"I think it's time that every American recommit to the ideals of the founding fathers with white people from all walks of life getting together to solve the nation's most pressing problems," said a tearful Beck on his Fox News show. "My hopes are that this will become an annual event. This is not a political event, nor is it day meant to pay homage to my humble, though clearly noble, achievements."
Told that his day falls on Martin Luther King's birthday and days before the federal holiday set aside to honor King, Beck said he was unaware of the "mere coincidence.
"In no way was this meant to coincide with the supposed King holiday," said a lip-quivering Beck. "God gives us just so many days through the year and if those honorable people choose to hold their day the same day of my "Day of Service," that is their right. But if the mainstream media was honest, they would tell you that if the Founding Fathers were in charge today, King's day would have been only considered 3/5th of a holiday. My day is meant to be a full 24 hours. Of course the socialist left will twist my words and try to make what I said racist."
Beck's Atlanta location for his day is also the birthplace of King.
"I guess now I'm to blame for where a person gets born," said a blubbering Beck. "Next thing I'll be the reason Obama was born in Kenya."
Among the planned activities, Beck's DOS volunteers will be visiting elderly billionaires, delivering food to homeless Wall Street brokers and giving away free snake oil to Beck followers who make under $40,000 a year and still believe anything he says is in their best interest.
"All expenses for the day will be provided by Goldline," said Beck haltingly. "Remember, you can't spell gold without God."
Award-winning TV writer Steve Young is author of "Great Failures of the Extremely Successful."