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Palin Pledges to Wipe Out Abuses of Power "Starting With That Alaskan Governor"

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In a stump speech yesterday meant to promote herself and John McCain as strong reformers of government corruption, Republican VP nominee, Sarah Palin, promised to stomp out misuse of government by elected officials, "no matter where that leads us."

But in what might stop her from reading bits and pieces of news articles from newspapers to learn "stuff about the world," Palin referenced a "news story that I read in the...New York Times (pause for crowd "boo"), about a corrupt official completely out of control--really off the reservation, if ya know what I mean--in the northwestern United States."

Palin went on to tell the crowd that, "John McCain and myself are the types of mavericks who will take on any abuse, anywhere, and if need be, starting with that Alaskan governor," said Palin, unaware of the irony of having to confront herself. "Why I wouldn't be surprised if that governor is paling around with terrorists."

Feeding off the crowd's cheers of "Lynch her" and "Let's photoshop her head on top of a naked picture of Dr. Laura" said that she intends to be the "first woman to set foot on Mars in heels," "have that darn weather behave" and "make chocolate taste like vanilla."

When a reporter explained to Palin that the Alaskan governor referred to was, in fact, her, she promised she would "find out more and get back to ya."