Note: I was able to get the transcripts with the President's truth bubble parentheses ( ) still
Fellow citizens: For eight years, it has been my honor (and your curse) to serve as your President (what were you thinking?). The first decade of this new century has been a period of consequence (my presidency being the worst) - a time set apart. Tonight, with a thankful heart (though not near as thankful as you are that this is the last speech of mine you'll have to suffer through), I have asked for a final opportunity to share some thoughts (and pure bullshit) on the journey we have traveled together and the future of our Nation (unbelievably still left standing after my two horrific lack o'leadership).
Five days from now (even though you'd like it sooner), the world will witness the vitality of American democracy (back from the dead). In a tradition dating back to our founding, the presidency will pass to a successor chosen by you, the American people (as opposed to the one chosen by the Supreme Court). Standing on the steps of the Capitol will be a man READ THE REST OF THE REEKING HONESTY HERE
Steve Young blogs at the appropriately named steveyoungonploitics.com