THE BLOG
06/14/2010 09:20 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

Everybody Talks About The Weather, But Nobody Emotes About It

We are having miserable weather again this spring. Worse, my wife exhibits insufficient emotion.

"The weather is terrible and you don't emote enough," I complained. "You need to connect to the anger that is building in the community about the weather."

"Why?"

"People want to know that you empathize, that you share their outrage over grey skies, drizzle, and low temperatures."

"What good would that do?"

"Stop being analytical. Stop being practical. Use your heart, not your head. Feel the pain"

"I don't like this weather, but what can I do about it?"

"It's not a matter of doing. It's a matter of feeling."

"Feeling will improve the weather?"

"Just once dispense with logic. Stop being Dr. Spock and emote."

"How?"

"Show your passion."

"How?"

"Get mad."

"And then?"

"Threaten to kick some serious ass if the weather doesn't improve."

"You think threatening to kick ass will improve the weather?"

"No. But it will make people feel better. They will know that you share their pain."

"OK. I'll threaten to kick some ass."

"Now you're being inauthentic. You're not the type of person who threatens to kick ass. Who are you trying to kid?"

"But you told me to say it."

"I want you to emote, connect, and threaten to kick ass, but in authentic manner. I don't want you to emote, connect, and threaten to kick ass in a pandering, counterfeit manner."

"I give up."

"There you go again. Passive, defeatist, a quitter. With that attitude we will never see summer.

Subscribe to the Entertainment email.
Home to your favorite fan theories and the best movie recs.