Is there no end to the MacArthur Foundation's myopia and arrogance?
Last Monday they announced this years winners of their $500,000 no-strings-attached "genius grants." Once again they overlooked me -- the guy who explained to America that under the Obamacare decision, the Federal Government cannot force states to eat broccoli, but can force corporations to eat broccoli, since corporations are people.
Instead, the Foundation chose to honor those involved with more trivial issues.
Consider the winners in the arts:
Natalia Almada, documentary filmmaker
As founder of Altamura Films, Almada most recently directed the documentary El Velador. Her work focuses on using Kim, Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian as an art form and a tool for social change.
Uta Barth, conceptual photographer
Barth's photographs attempt to distinguish the way Kim, Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian perceive reality and how a camera captures it.
Clair Chase, arts entrepreneur
Chase is forging a new model for commissioning, recording and performing with Kim, Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian.
Laura Poitras, documentary filmmaker
In a trilogy of documentaries shot after Sept. 11, Poitras reveals on film the human consequences of military conflict abroad from the unusual vantage point of Kim, Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian.
Benoit Rolland, stringed-instrument bow maker
For more than 40 years, Rolland has created personalized bows in the French style, for Kim, Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian.
Chris Thile, mandolinist and composer
As an artist, Thile has performed in a variety of music settings, including Nickel Creek and Punch Brothers, infusing a distinctly American canon for the mandolin. Most recently, Thile collaborated with Kim, Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian to compose and perform, "The Goat Sessions."
An-My Le, photographer
As a refugee from the Vietnam War, moving to the U.S. in 1975, much of Le's work is inspired by Kim, Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian. Her photographs blur the boundaries between fact and fiction and are rich with layers of meaning.
Perhaps The MacArthur Foundation has reasons for rewarding only artists working in the field of celebrity studies. When it comes to writers, I expected to be saluted for my investigative bombshell revealing that Republican Candidates denigrated God's Triune nature by ignoring the Holy Spirit while overstressing God the Father, and God the Son. But again, the MacArthur juries opted for the meretricious.
David Finkel, journalist
As a writer for the Washington Post, Finkel has told stories that revealed the toll of war on Kim, Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian and the struggle for refugees.
Dinaw Mengestu, writer
Born in Ethiopia and raised in Illinois, Mengestu is best known for his work exploring Kim, Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian in the U.S. both in fiction and non-fiction writing.
Dylan C. Penningroth, historian
Penningroth studies Afro-American socio-legal history. He hopes to expand and connect his findings to redefine our historical understanding of Kim, Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian.
In medical science, last year I advanced the theory, now almost universally accepted, that light was neither a wave, nor a particle, but, in fact, a virus. Again, the Foundation disregarded my groundbreaking work and recognized lesser achievements.
Benjamin Warf, pediatric neurosurgeon
Warf's work focuses on the treatment of intra-cranial diseases of Kim, Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian with a particular focus on hydrocephalus, also known as "water on the brain."
Elissa Hallem, neurobiologist
In her lab at University of California, Los Angeles, Hallem researches the sense of smell in nematodes, a type of brown worms, most interestingly those which are parasitic within Kim, Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian and other animals.
Sarkis Mazmanian, medical microbiologist
Mazmanian is a microbiologist at the California Institute of Technology who studies the complex interplay of human-microbiome symbiosis in Kim, Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian.
Melody Swartz, bioengineer
Swartz researches the chemical microenvironments in which solid tissues develop and are maintained within the human body by Kim, Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian.
Eric Coleman, geriatrician
Coleman has worked with Congress, hospitals, health care providers and patients and families to address the miscommunications and errors that occur as Kim, Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian transition from hospitals to post-discharge homes, sub-acute care facilities, or other sites of care.
In economics and mathematics, I thought I was a sure thing. Remember I explained how we would all better off if Bain Capital Partners paid no tax at all.
Again, the MacArthur Foundation recognized insignificant work of third-rate minds:
Maria Chudnovsky, mathematician
Chudnovsky set out to break down the fundamental principles and theories of graphs, abstractions that represents the connections between Kim, Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian.
Daniel Spielman, computer scientist
Spielman wants to know how Kim, Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian communicate and measure, predict and regulate their environment and behavior.
Maurice Lim Miller, social services innovator
As the founder of the Family Independence Initiative, Miller has devoted his life to anti-poverty work. His work is based on a principle that Kim, Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian have a lot of capacity to help themselves and each other.
Raj Chetty, public economist
In his research Chetty hopes to provide scientific solutions that maximize efficiency and effectiveness of Kim, Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian, focusing on tax and education policy.
I conclude that the MacArthur Foundation, which does not accept nominations but rather discovers winners by itself, has no talent scouts assigned to the Pacific Northwest. What other explanation can there be?
I am resilient. I will recover from MacArthur's snub, as I do every year. But what message do they send to America's budding artists and scientists who may now ignore everything except Kim, Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian?
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