When I first saw the election results from Maine Wednesday morning denying (yet, again) gays and lesbians the right to marry, my heart sank. Like everyone else, I know the adage that social change is slow (and, indeed, it's quite amazing how far we've come on this issue in such...

How do I come out at work (and keep my job)?

Q: I've worked at a fairly conservative firm for years and have always brought opposite-sex "dates" to parties. But now that I am partnered with a wonderful woman I'd like to come out, but how?

A: Congratulations on your...

What does Chaz Bono teach us about transgender folks?

Q: I've been reading all these stories about Chaz, previously Chastity, Bono's change of gender identity and I see that Wikipedia already says Cher has "a son ... who was born female." Even as a gay person, I'm a bit confused...

Q: I hate to be a stereotype, but I'm going to have a lesbian potluck next month. It's the food that has me worried, though. The last time I did this, I wound up with several different versions of lentil salad, no main courses, and no ingenuity. How can I...

When friends have sex

Q:Last week I ended up having sex with my best friend, Richard. At least he used to be my best friend -- we haven't talked since. Did I mess up? I definitely don't want to lose our friendship, but I don't know how to put the...

Q: What do you do when a guy comes in your mouth?

A: It's an age-old predicament and one with no simple answer. Of course, it makes a big difference how well you know the guy. An anonymous trick is not the same as a boyfriend who is not...

Q: I've heard a good bit about the controversial new film Outrage over the past few days, especially the filmmakers' outing of closeted gays in Republican circles. What's the deal on outing? I always thought that members of our community agreed that coming out was a highly personal decision....

Q: My lesbian sister is an alcoholic and has been in AA for six months now. While I'm happy for her, she's asked me not to serve alcohol to others when she is present nor for me to have a drink when she's visiting. But I'm not an alcoholic. Is...

Q: Even though my partner and I don't live in Iowa, can we get married there? Will it be recognized in my home state of California? And while I'm asking, who does the proposing in a same-sex couple? -Two dudes in Sacramento

A: Timely question! Starting this week, yes, it's...

Q: My younger brother is gay, and I've overheard him talk about sexting on his cell phone. I know every generation has its slang, but what exactly is this? Any harm? -- Worried Older Bro

A: It's simple enough: Sexting is the sending of nude (or semi-nude) photos with...

Q: I've been partnered with my boyfriend for about five years and only recently put a photograph of him on my desk at work. I like to gaze at him during the day, but I've been surprised by how many questions I've gotten, like: "Is he your brother?" What's the...

Q: "If one more person asks me in front of my children where they come from or whose they are or where did we adopt them from, I'm going to explode. What's the best way to deal with these very annoying questions?" -Baby Makes Three

A: While probably well-meaning, these...

Public Displays of Affection

Q: Can a gay or lesbian couple kiss in public? On the cheek or on the lips? How about holding hands? -- Touchy feely

A: Yes, yes, yes and yes! Of course, it depends where you are.

Ah, the PDA question (that's public display of...

We were watching Brian Williams on NBC the other evening when he teased up the next story: "10-Year-Old Spaniel Makes Comeback." Of course, he was referring to Stump, the Sussex spaniel who had just won Best in Show at the Westminster Kennel Club Show. Not only was Stump the...

Last week I was cruising through a Facebook friend's wall postings and came across a friend of his wearing the tackiest of holiday sweaters: a bright red schmata adorned with embroidered snowflakes and a quartet of Frosty the Snowmen. To boot, the poor fellow also wore a turtleneck emblazoned with...

Thirty years ago I was living with my girlfriend in Durham, N.C., when the news came that Harvey Milk, the country's first openly gay public official, had been gunned down in San Francisco. To be honest, I had no idea who Harvey Milk was. I was 21 years old in...

By now we know the devastating news that occurred in polling stations across the nation last week. Specifically, I'm thinking of the ballot measures in California, Arkansas, Arizona and Florida that codified discrimination against couples of the same sex and, frankly, the entire LGBT community. Take note that I did...

Dear Manners:

I'm appalled at how often my theoretically aware, progressive friends get the most basic facts about our lives wrong -- like how we actually can't get married in 47 of the 50 states. When I hear, "Isn't it great? You can get married now!" I...

As I watched Senator Joe Biden tear up at the tale end of the much ballyhooed vice presidential debate, I had a visceral moment of déjà vu. In case you missed what jump started it, the senior senator from Delaware became momentarily misty-eyed as he refuted the notion that "just...

Q: Dear Manners:

I don't mean to be rude, but who are you? What makes you qualified to write about gay and lesbian manners? And, by the way, how are "gay" manners different than "straight" manners? Samuel T., Los Angeles, CA

A: To start off with, I spent more...