Poll: 37% of Americans Unable to Locate America on Map of America

Editor's note: This post is a satire.

Washington, D.C. -- According to a Gallup/Harris poll released Monday, a full 37 percent of American citizens are incapable of identifying their home country on a map of the United States.

Of the 1,400 residents surveyed, the most common incorrect responses placed the more than 230-year-old territory in the Atlantic or Pacific Oceans (19 percent), the space where Mexico would appear were it in fact included on the map (10 percent), and inside the word "America" written just above the northernmost states (6 percent).

"On the whole, these figures should be construed as somewhat disappointing," Gallup spokesman Keith Ventner said. "Especially the two percent that believed the United States was located on the map's color-coded inset legend. I think we as a nation likely could have done without seeing that."

When asked to reveal the identity of the giant America-shaped landmass found on the map, several of those polled were decidedly varied in their answers.

"That thing definitely looked familiar," said autoworker and father of three Ed McConnell. "And my gut told me there were probably a whole bunch of Americans there. So I had to go with 'Iraq.'"

Other guesses as to the nature of the mystery country included "Hollywood," "Palestine," "The Shire," and "Club Med Punta Cana."

The map used in the poll, with erroneous America locations in red

Stuart Weiss, senior sociology professor at Boston College, said although these findings may be surprising to some, they're by no means atypical.

"The sentiment of many Americans is that there's little intrinsic value in studying a map of a place you're already at," noted Weiss. "It'd be like driving to Graceland and then asking for directions once you've arrived. Not much point."

Shirley Matheson, a part-time Arby's employee residing in Dayton, Ohio, agreed with Weiss's assessment. "I live in the U.S.A., so why would I need to know where America is? Or the United States for that matter?"

Added Matheson: "As long as there's still room on that map for all three of those countries, I'm sure everyone will keep getting along just fine."

Meanwhile, the Department of Homeland Security sees the Gallup/Harris poll results as a blessing in disguise. According to Secretary Michael Chertoff, the nation would be better off if these numbers skewed even higher.

"Personally, I believe if fewer people in this world could spot America on a map, we'd have a much better chance of avoiding national tragedies like 9/11," said Chertoff. "You can't attack a country you can't find."

Of the respondents actually capable of pinpointing America on the map of America, their accuracy decreased considerably with each additional query about the country. Asked for the name of the U.S. capital, those polled placed Washington, D.C., fifth behind "Minneapolis-St. Paul," "Mount Rushmore," "America City," and "Whitewater."

Despite Americans' seemingly underdeveloped sense of their own geography, history and domestic policy, they did score high points on the issue of patriotism, calling America "the greatest country in the world" (47 percent), "the best state of all the Unites States" (31 percent), and "a place to definitely explore when I finally get my passport" (22 percent).

Steven Shehori is an award-winning comedy writer. And Canadian. He claims he can find America on a map.

Comments

[sydneyismyalias]

I know this post is a satire but it would not surprise me if parts of this were true. In fact I work with a woman that did not know who Obama was, so I can only imagine that she cannot find the US on a map.

[MsAttitude]

Does she live in a bubble?

[scottowego]

Maybe she was home-schooled? You know.... Dinasours and people co-habitating and the earth is only 7000 years old?

[vicbennett]

Not to try to split people into red and blue states but where did these people come from that were polled?

I need to know the problem area.

Do you really even need a formal education to know this?

[tablogloid]

Formal education? Isn't that when you go to the senior prom?

[mahdeealoo]

Thank the No Child Left Behind and other lax methods of teaching in the US. Teachers are bullied by students, students are abused by teachers. It is not a win/win situation. Our whole education system needs a major overhaul. How about consciousness based education? Educators should take a cue from a small school in the news in Iowa where kids love to learn and win state and national awards for their achievements: Maharishi School for the Age of Enlightenment. No child is left behind there, from the reports we have heard. Might be part of an answer to the question: "How can we overhaul the educational system in the US?"

I can hardly believe that kids leave school without having learned to read and write! Stone ages in 2008!

[DaveScriv]

This article seems to come under the heading "Many a true word spoken in jest". Because of its size, and the comparative disconnection of many Americans to the rest of the world, especially those in the 'fly over' states (compared to, say Belgians, who don't have to drive far to be in another country, so generally have more international awareness) your country is perhaps worse than most, but the general knowledge of far too many people here in the UK is not much better. Sad.
When I was a kid, many of us collected stamps, cards (in bubble gum, and in the UK, packets of tea) and similar stuff; and I guess we learnt general stuff without noticing we were doing so. But such activities are far too nerdy/geeky for kids today.

[tploomis]

Hey! That's an incomplete map of America. Where are Alaska and Hawaii?

[TheOldSchool]

If the story wasn't a spoof, and 2,000 Americans were asked to find their country on a globe, I doubt the results would be much better.

Sarah Palin has her base.

[Ramirez]

On HuffPo, all threads are eventually about Sarah Palin.

[noadmax61]

Sarah Palin is not alone.

[Myshkin57]

The article is not for real, people.

[mahdeealoo]

Yes it is. Polls in our own schools report the same results.

[Myshkin57]

It says "Editor's note: This post is a satire."

I'm guessing the author didn't do a bunch of research and then say that he didn't.

[MiddleRoadLiberal]

I was one of those surveyed. I thought it was a trick question and got flustered. Sue me. I was the red dot in the words "America" because I thought it was one of those tricks were they wanted you to find the word and not the country. You know, like when they put the word "Yellow" in green font and ask you to read the word.

[kassandrasduplex]

And increasingly some 5% own or control some 90% of the nation's wealth. So why would you blame the 37% who can't identify the USA on a map? They have no pride of ownership, it couldn't mean less to them. Their lives find knowing the boudaries of the once great America meaningless in their daily struggles, in their march to Wal Mart and Target.

[hooshar]

the 37% must be all the same that have a favourable rating about Bush

[thefringecenter]

The main thing is that America is blue.

[stefiz]

hell yeah!!!!!!­!!!!!!!!!!­!!!!!!!

[Lochmon]

This is so stupid! I mean, America is clearly labeled up there in the white area above the blue stuff.

[geekchic82]

Seriously? I mean....se­riously???­? C'mon folks, there's an editors note stating: THIS IS A SATIRE!

Do you need a definition for satire? I mean c'mon, I know nobody uses the good ole Websters in book form (just so you know, a book is a whole bunch of sheets of paper bound together with a cover...so­metimes its soft, those are the soft covers, and sometimes they're hard...tho­se are the hardcovers) but hey...dict­ionary-dot­-com it up folks!

SARCASM...­.another great word. look that one up too. And hey, the holidays are coming up...maybe you can all ask Santa for a sense of humour to go under the tree or menorah or whatever your holiday gift giving procedure is.

And if you check out Mr. Shehori's bio, it does in fact state that he is a comedy writer. I think that speaks for itself. Loosen up, chill out.

[mahdeealoo]

Not a Satire. It's like saying a truth and then saying, "Oh, I was just kidding." after seeing jaws drop.

[RogerRantjet]

This article may well be a satire but I saw an actual study not too long ago where a rather significant % of Americans randomly chosen on the streets of a large city couldn't find the USA on a globe of the earth. A much greater % couldn't locate their own state on a map of the USA. I wish I could remember the exact figures but it was shocking..­.over 40% failure rate.

I enjoy watching a popular segment that Leno does on the Tonight Show, called "Jaywalking". He asks people on the streets of Burbank outside his studio some very simple and basic questions about American history, geography, politics etc. It's often funny...bu­t oh so shocking that the average citizen of this country appears to be stunningly but blissfully ignorant of what I would consider to be the most basic general knowledge. Little wonder that the Chinese and other Asian countries are eating our lunch.

[kahn10]

The people who make the cut on shows are the ones who answer poorly, not that they are a statistical average of the American populace. Believe it or not, people are dumb everywhere.

Also the "Asian countries" aren't eating our lunch, they're eating their own; they went through the trouble of making it.