As the oil plumes up from the bottom of the Gulf in a colossal, Earthly grepps, theories as to the how and why of this ecological disaster are cropping up with the alacrity of boils on Dick Cheney's neck.
Instead of once again copping to their complicity in the breakdown of systems theoretically designed to stave off disaster, the Tighty Righties, seeking even less regulation for their own thought processes than for the oil, banking and health care industries, are concocting conspiracy theories to explain the Kerfuffle in the Gulffle (my attempt at a Colbert chyron. Don't call you. I'll call me.).
Was there a crack team of Liberal-leaning frogmen (frogpersons?) dispatched from Obama's secret eco-bunker to upturn the rig and pull the tampon from the Gulf's cazootie, thereby guaranteeing a moratorium on deep sea drilling and giving the Loony Left its own 9/11, by which they could seize the opportunity to socialize and otherwise de-Americanize The Greatest Country on Earth®?
Have memos been uncovered revealing that an Operation Northwoods-like plan had been underway since Obama's test-tube birth (overseen by Mengele and Adlai Stevenson) in that lab in Kenya in 1961 where "it" all started?
Is the same "magic bullet" which passed through Kennedy's back, exited through his throat, went through the car seat, entered Connelly's back, exited just above his nipple, trotted up his wrist, cleaned the brim of his Stetson and took a chunk outta some curb responsible for the rig's explosion? (To hell with chyrons for Colbert. I'm writing syllabi for Glenn Beck!)
Here's the conspiracy, and it's no theory: years of conscious attempts to break the machine of government in order to ensure a more impediment-free profit process has precipitated this, along with many of the other newsworthy woes which now face this administration and our country. The bastards who brought you the Federal Reserve, false flag ops, Iran-Contra, NAFTA, a little thing called the Vietnam War, Desert Storm, Shock and Awe and blah-blah-Buddha knows what else have decided that profiteering equals patriotism.
Under Obama, despite the relentless attacks from ideological opponents bent on creating a broken government from which their craven enterprises could thrive, we have witnessed government actually working. (Cue the outraged trolls.)
Yeah, yeah, bring on the incredulity.
Good. Question authority. Hold it to its promises and its potential. Regulate the sucker. But don't sabotage the very structure upon which Democracy depends, the facilitator of freedom from this country's inception; don't consciously prevent the operation of a well-run and competent system which would ensure its citizens the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
But for the Tighty Righties, that particular scenario is simply unbelievable.
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Their hands are just a dirty and greasy.. all the way to the top.
http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0510/36783.html
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/05/04/AR2010050404118.html
The exemption as per the above link was given in April of 2009 but then BP lobbying managed to get this exemption extended a mere 11 days before the spill.
You know, being a republican't...
This made me laugh out loud several times. So, a Colbert-style 'Tip of the Hat' to you, sir, and many thanks for the morning lift.
Who had the motivation, along with the money and deepsea diving experience, to conceive of and carry out this sabotage?
I hate to tell you all, but it wasn't BP's negligence or an Obama plot to undermine Sarah Palin's "Drill Baby Drill!" 2012 presidential campaign slogan.
Hold on to your popcorn, folks, because this is bigger than all of those entities. Bigger than an oil company. Bigger than any mere leader of a country. I'm talking about the "king of the world," James Cameron!
Yes, the DVD of his liberal-biased eco-friendly attack on our beloved corporations, "Avatar," was just released, and a billion gazillion sales just weren't enough for mister "I hold all the box office records" Cameron.
So he climbed into one of his submersibles used in "Titanic," and down he went into the Gulf waters. Bent on destroying the reputation of an honest respectable christian oil company, and garnering even more sales for his little movie.
Well, it won't work! We're Americans! Oil is in our blood. Also in our livers, kidneys, bone marrow and various other internal body parts, and no movie about hot sexy blue babes from another planet, will ever make us hate Exxon. Your nefarious liberal plot, Mr. Cameron, has been terminated!
And for the satire-impaired, this is a joke.
Uh, I hate to tell you this, but Obama's president, and he has been for a year and a half, and this happened on his watch. Blaming Bush for this is like blaming Clinton for 9/11.
Your sainted Mr. Obama hasn't exactly upped the gas tax or pushed climate change legislation or taxed Big Oil's obscene profits, either. Or made one single other move that Big Oil didn't like. In case you haven't noticed.
Blaming Bush for this is like blaming Clinton for 9/11.
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Eh, not quite:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/robert-f-kennedy-jr/sex-lies-and-oil-spills_b_564163.html
We still have Bush corporate moles burrowed in, infesting the various regulatory agencies. I don't know if Obama can remove them all from their government positions at will, or if he's ever thought to try.
- Tom
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/arianna-huffington/life-in-the-age-of-much-w_b_561691.html
The right wants to play the game of capitalism where they bribe the refs to leave the field or call the plays in their favor. That's their government in action. That's not professional. That's not sportsmanship. And it's not a question of big or small government. The question is, do you as a natural citizen want the ability to express the terms by which you live as an American, or are you going to surrender that to the corporations, and let those artificial "persons" decide your fate?
- Tom
There has been a major "wind spill" in the gulf that will drive the oil to land sooner than expected. Rumors are flying on the right wing blogs that it is Obama's fault. Stay tuned to Rush and Hannity for further details.
For lack of a remote control valve on an oil rig, ... or an automatic fire suppression system in a mine, ... or proper regulation of toxic assets co-mingled with solvent savings and investments, ... In other words for lack of sanity and reason in the implementation of governance over our nation, the Grand Obstructionist Party and the Rabid Radical Right have taken us very close to a calamity liek no other in our history. They almost brought us to ruin.
And for all their caterwauling now, there are signs of life in our government, their best efforts to the contrary notwithstanding. The level of insanity and accusation seems to hit a new high with every improved vital sign, ... increased job production, Federal response to the Gulf mess, capture of a terror suspect in NY, ... you name it. Not certain what we are to do with all of that, ... except perhaps hope their doctors up their medications for the time being.
Great build-up, I think your finish was a little abbreviated, non the less, on point.
Dave Johnson wrote a great piece in a similiar vein.
http://www.ourfuture.org/blog-entry/2010051803/finance-mine-oil-debt-disasters-deregulation
Maybe they can scape it off the countless birds and sea life, and make a little extra profit that way. Oh, and shop-vac the beaches to glean some of the goop so all is not lost. Damn environment, clinging to all that potential profit!