Fred Thompson!!!

Fred Thompson for Praysident!

I seen him on TV! He's avuncular! I wanna have a malted and a bourbon with him! I dunno what he stands for but goddamn I know his face and he ain't said anything I disagree with! Hell, he ain't said anything I agree with!

He plays a tough guy lawyer! He will be tough on Osama!

I bet he hates the French! I can't stand the French! The French flag is white! Their women don't shave their armpits! Their hats are flat and they have stems on 'em! They hate me! I know it!

But Fred Thompson is like Ronald Reagan! He was a Republican! He hated commies! Fred Thompson hates commies, too, I bet! I hate commies! Russians! Hate 'em!

I like Fred Thompson! He looks tough but tender like I think I imagine I remember my daddy looking when he wasn't hitting me with a sleeve of Saltines® awake every morning before school! I would get really high and drunk the night before and then in the morning my daddy would hit me awake! And hard, too! "Get up! Get up! Get up! Get up!" he would yell with every swing of the sleeve of Saltines®! (I still sprinkle salt in my hair and lashes before I go out on a date, I tell you!). "I'm up! I'm up! I'm up! I'm up!" I would scream back! That's why I've always been a morning person! Rise and shine! Start the day! Like Fred Thompson starts his days! Daddy had to be tough! But then he was tender! I was lost! "You are lost!" he would shout! But boy did he find me! That's how I feel when I see the next praysident Fred Thompson!

He has a pretty wife! I want a pretty wife! She's blonde! I want a blonde pretty wife! I like pretty wifes!

Fred Thompson!

He will whip the hell out of Hillary! I hate Hillary! I like Rudy, too! He is a true hero! Not like those idiots who stayed in the twin towers when they got flown into by the Iraqi highjackers! Rudy lit out, fully knowing he would have to be alive later on to be Fred Thompson's Vice President!

Fred and Rudy!

Rudy and Fred!

Red Roofies!

That's what I put in Sandra Delvecchio's Purple Jesus in 9th grade! She was out like a light! It was awesome! She told on me to Daddy! He woke me up extra early the next morning! Rise and shine!

Fred Thompson! You got my vote!

Comments

[Dalicious]

Fred Thompson reminds me of my mother's drunken uncle, who shot the head off a rattlesnake in the path in front of me when I was 15. He was a real Texas boy's uncle, but the women never would let him in the house.

[Rescisco]

Steven's wonderful piece of humor could become our next nightmare. There is a sizable portion of the citizenry that "thinks" and votes like this. Sadly, its why "smart" always loses.

[Yukon Jack]

You are right!

Sadly, "smart" lost in 1976, 1992 and 1996.

[Qbear]

I really love Fred spitting on every queer in America TODAY, while his Communication Director Traynham was "outed" as queer when he worked for man-on-dog Santorum.

ain't that a G*D DAMN laugh riot?

[Doofus]

As seen in some alternate universe..­.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/steven-weber/fred-thompson_b_63530.html

----------­----------

Apparently, he's a 'Law & Order' guy.

That's very important in a president.

How can you NOT vote for such a guy?
posted 05:50 pm on 09/07/2007
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I could not agree more! Oh! Fred is so manly with his gravitas, the way he drawls from the side of his mouth, his baritone rumbling through my being as I quiver in ecstacy! And Rudy, dressed like a drag queen, hopping around on a pogo stick, singing 9/11, 9/11, 9/11!
---------
What a couple, what a ticket and I can't wait for "Freedom Fries" to get back! Let the Eagle soar ... like never before ... (chorus joined by Larry Craig as Karl Rove raps with Condi, Gonzo and Harriet Miers) ...
posted 05:56 pm on 09/07/2007
---------
The person you describe here would not use the word "avuncular".
posted 06:03 pm on 09/07/2007

[ultomatt]

"Asked whether the U.S. should have focused on getting bin Laden instead of going to war in Iraq, Thompson said: "It's not an either or situation. Saddam Hussein was on the cusp of having defeated the United Nations and the free world and the United States. He had certainly had weapons of mass destruction and the capability of reviving his nuclear program.""

The above excerpt was from a Huffington Post story of a few days ago, but comments weren't allowed...­so, I'll use Weber's commentary (which I enjoyed) to make my point. Where have these people been for the last 5 years? Saddam on the cusp of defeating the UN, the free world and the United States????? Would this be with both hands tied behind his back? Would this be with only an army, and no air force or navy? Would this also be out of the power of his BO, or just the WMD he didn't have?

Fred Thompson needs to take part in the Special Olympics - Politicians Edition. He's a moron. This quote proves it. This is the rhetoric of five years ago when the Bush Crime Syndicate started their campaign of lies to sell the "war". Apparently Fredo hasn't gotten the message that Saddam was a tinpot dictator who was incapable of threatening himself, much less his neighbors! Every dictator (like our dictator) dreams of dominating the whole world, but that doesn't mean it's real, or even remotely possible (unless you have tens of thousands of thermonuclear WMD's like our tinpot dictator).

Saddam defeating the free world? Fred, did you forget to take your meds? If this asshole is the best they can do, the Democratic landslide will be even bigger than they're predicting. That's ok with me, although the Dems don't give me anymore of a warm and fuzzy than the Pugs do.

[MilwaukeeDan]

Great stuff Steven and ultomatt, had me laughing out loud!!

[Snakeback]

I agree- in fact we should have it decided "American Idol" style by people texting in their votes with their cell phones!

The candidates could take turns singing the National Anthem, The Battle Hymn of the Republic, and Onward Christian Soldiers, then we have panel of Hollywood mega-stars pass judgment on their presentaion, their hair-dos, professionalism, etc...then we all vote.

I don't know why we even make attempts at debates and stuff anymore...­they have become so meaningless.

It would be more entertaining to watch the candidates sing an dance prior to the election..­.oh, wait...

[TheDoomed]

Liz Kucinich is a million times hotter than Jerri Thompson, so that reason to vote for Fred is out der window.

[TJS]

Steven Weber (actor) gives his take on Fred Thompson (actor). On this same site, Alec Baldwin (actor) imparts his political wisdom. Meanwhile, there is an item about Arnold Schwarzenneggar (actor) scolding elements of his own party. Has anyone noticed the disproportunate number of actors represented on the Huffington Post?

Our national political discourse is becoming increasingly influenced by actors from both parties. At this rate, we'll soon get rid of political primaries and conventions. The winners of the Ocars will run against the winners of the Emmys. Tough guy actors will run against "principled" actors. Ryan Seacrest wil moderate the presidential debates and Simon, Paul, and Randy will provide the political commentary. Instead of the electoral college, the winner will be declared by TV ratings. It's not too farfetched. A century ago, an actor-President would have been unheard of. Then John Kennedy became presdent by acting like a movie star. Then Ronald Reagan became president because he was a movie star.

The Democrats should read the handwriting on the wall. Dump Obama and Hillary--run George Clooney for President. Clooney vs. Thompson! The Hollywoodization of politics will be complete. I'll stay home from that election and watch Jimmy Stewart in "Mr Smith goes to Washington­." Now, there was an actor who knew how to play a stateman!

[waynesmyer]

Bumper stickers for Ready Freddie Thompson:
Vote fo: Lazy & The Bitch

Two Boobs For The Price Of One

Freddie & Jeri: Take A Poll?

Law & Order Voted For Gonzalez

More Money, Older Whiskey,younger
Women, Bigger Boobs

[VOTER]

Your job, waynesmyer, should you choose to accept it,

is to drive your bumper sticker covered car, to all

50 states, parking in Far Right Conservative Republican

churches parking lots on Sundays.

Good Luck!

[MasterfullyInept]

So your like saying you'd have to be a deep fried trailer trash moron to vote for yet another republican actor for President?

Amen brother

[clevelandchick]

Steve,

Your post sounds so familiar. Would you by chance be writing for Chris Matthews these days?

[DorianCorso]

Steven ! God don't like it when you fun on Republicans like 'at! You s'posed ta just go kill fuzzy animals , er beat your wife-n-kids when you havin' them unhappy thoughts.

[shecky]

Sounds like Thanksgiving dinner, every two years now for gee, 30 years now... these actors and jesters keep getting elected, and then I find out, between dead amimal jokes and pumpkin pie, that half my siblings voted for them...and Rush has given them a whole new bunch o' words...on­e sister thought Dan Quayle was to die for, and her son tells her from Iraq (a father of five, on his third tour) the Iraqis love us and want us to stay - it is that simple - my brother, who introduced me to Bill Cosby, Mad magazine, and George Carlin, has gone right-wing christian -fundamentalist on me, and dislikes it when I forward Bill Maher's remarks - half my relatives are table-pounders, nuke 'em types who call me a femi-nazi ( what does that mean, I asked - the reply, "It means you're wrong.") I prefer to dine alone these days, as it makes me sad to argue war - I stay ready to engage by emails ...with these nitwits (which is one of my sweeter nicknames for them - they like to call me the pompous, sanctimonious bitch) - and/but we love each other. Simple. American pie, anyone??

[Halsey]

Shecky!..i­t's true!..so many of my relatives.­.(duh..Mon­tanan's)..­.are STILL gung-ho..h­ave a beer with W then get in the car with him behind the wheel automatons­...I don't get it..want to scream at them..that the blood shed in Iraq is THEIR fault..not even s.hehe's a dog..and always was..they got what they wanted... I blame the collective "THEM"..th­ose who voted an imbecile into office...T­WICE.

Stephen..I digressed.­..yes..by all means...we need Fred Thompson..­"time to take your medicine kids"..and he won't use a saltine..h­e'll use Cracker Jacks..and the prize is...tuh duh...a mushroom cloud..of.­..yes..bib­lican proportion­...see..if God won't make Armageddon come in this lifetime..­.by gummy...Fr­ed's just the guy to hasten the rapture (and i don't mean a viagra filled night with delicous).­.

The only good thing to come out of Fwed's wunning fow pwesident.­.is that I"ll get more Nora and Adam on my Law and Order re-runs...­always liked them more...Fwe­d just used too many colloquial­isms..and he DID fire that blonde ADA for being gay..

[Snakeback]

If God tells me in my heart that he is "chosen" like W was, then we'll know for sure!

Those guys in Leviticus sure knew how to run a society. We oughta be using Leviticus, not that dumb ol' Constitution!

Don't you agree?

[didereaux]

Fred, Schmed! Here's the Republican candidate for President! Lead pipe cinch, shoe-in, take it to the bank!
Stan the Stupid Virus announces candidacy: see it here
http://www.flickr.com/photos/12461951@N03/1348522011/
(use the whole string including the @ and all following or simply go to www.flickr.com and search "Didereaux")

Funny thing is, Stanley may be to erudite for the rank and file.
;)