Fred Thompson!!!

Fred Thompson for Praysident!

I seen him on TV! He's avuncular! I wanna have a malted and a bourbon with him! I dunno what he stands for but goddamn I know his face and he ain't said anything I disagree with! Hell, he ain't said anything I agree with!

He plays a tough guy lawyer! He will be tough on Osama!

I bet he hates the French! I can't stand the French! The French flag is white! Their women don't shave their armpits! Their hats are flat and they have stems on 'em! They hate me! I know it!

But Fred Thompson is like Ronald Reagan! He was a Republican! He hated commies! Fred Thompson hates commies, too, I bet! I hate commies! Russians! Hate 'em!

I like Fred Thompson! He looks tough but tender like I think I imagine I remember my daddy looking when he wasn't hitting me with a sleeve of Saltines® awake every morning before school! I would get really high and drunk the night before and then in the morning my daddy would hit me awake! And hard, too! "Get up! Get up! Get up! Get up!" he would yell with every swing of the sleeve of Saltines®! (I still sprinkle salt in my hair and lashes before I go out on a date, I tell you!). "I'm up! I'm up! I'm up! I'm up!" I would scream back! That's why I've always been a morning person! Rise and shine! Start the day! Like Fred Thompson starts his days! Daddy had to be tough! But then he was tender! I was lost! "You are lost!" he would shout! But boy did he find me! That's how I feel when I see the next praysident Fred Thompson!

He has a pretty wife! I want a pretty wife! She's blonde! I want a blonde pretty wife! I like pretty wifes!

Fred Thompson!

He will whip the hell out of Hillary! I hate Hillary! I like Rudy, too! He is a true hero! Not like those idiots who stayed in the twin towers when they got flown into by the Iraqi highjackers! Rudy lit out, fully knowing he would have to be alive later on to be Fred Thompson's Vice President!

Fred and Rudy!

Rudy and Fred!

Red Roofies!

That's what I put in Sandra Delvecchio's Purple Jesus in 9th grade! She was out like a light! It was awesome! She told on me to Daddy! He woke me up extra early the next morning! Rise and shine!

Fred Thompson! You got my vote!

Comments

[Herrington]

Weber, you are the LSD of this political epoch, you stretch reality beyond the absurd in witness to the absurd. Your words are as alarming as a crocodile in a kiddy pool and as sweet a sound as a pure single bell.

[thgy]

I never pass up a post by you, and you never disappoint.

[ScottR]

Hilarious. You are the James Joyce of numbnut America. It is funny because it is true! Fewer references to Ireland as well!

[barrycourage]

Steven, I think you should run for POTUS.

"Orgasm of Tears" will make "Profiles in Courage" look like a comic book.

; - )

[Yukon Jack]

YES, STEVE, PLEASE run!

You have the undisputed talent to surpass the mediocrity of Walt Mondale.

And it - obviously - would not need to be another Ronald Reagan to set new records.

Bugs Bunny or Elmer Fudd could do it!

[TheHandyman]

Shirley, the repugs do jeste when they say he is a serious candidate, another Ronnie Raygun! Wow! I'm underwhelmed. He can't be President. It's a part he's never played. Neither did Reagan, I guess that is why he just sort of shuffled along never saying or doing much. Fred...well Fred has real acting chops. He's a DA on TV!

[lisakaz]

Sounds like he's the Great White Dope, err, I mean Hope. Hmmm...

[scottaa]

You're so much smarter than people who like Fred Thompson. That's why you can mock them. Thanks for showing us.

[ImmanuelGoldstein]

On the behalf of the author, you're welcome.

[NoFactsJustTruth]

I think maybe you've been up the coast to a friends farm, and you really should bring enough for the entire class, you know.

WOW! You HAVE indeed frightened us with this surreal vision you've painted though, and the really scary part is knowing there are billows and limpballs out there who's thought processes work eerily similar to your example.



Great humor, Steven.

[Wilburrr]

...and that, my friends, is the depth with which we have 'elected' the last president.... twice...

[carol]

You got it right, Steven. I describe Fred as playing a character from To Kill a Mockingbird, or one from a Tennessee Williams play: The poor hard working southern boy, fights corruption in a small town where he was the football hero, then goes to Washington...without ever forgetting his roots. And, wink/wink, he was a wicked ladies man too.
I saw him on t.v. speaking at a state fair, and again on Leno, and looked up his bio.
Frankly, I haven't heard him say one thing of substance so far and, imo, he's also boring as hell. I don't think he'll last long or play well outside the South, but, hey, you can't go wrong under estimating the American electorate...plus, Thompson was a protege of Jim Baker, so he's hooked into that money/oil/Bush cabal which could toss a lot of power his way.

[waynesmyer]

But! Carol! I am Freddie,and I am ready! To be your beloved Presinator! My philosophy is "More money, older whiskey, younger women ,bigger tits and more money" very truly yours, "Ready Freddie" Thompson
p.s. with apologies to Bobby Bare

[nunzia]

Precisely. There's your typical Republican voter.

[Sonso]

Steve, can't believe you know about Purple Jesus!

[researcher]

the evangels neo cons warmongers can always elect a morman.

god it felt good to state that.

a morman in charge of the evangels government.

there is a god.

[MysticInd]

Great post...although it made me sick to my stomach...what happened with the lawsuit from Lane? anyone know?

[backhandpath]

Ooh! Ooh! You! Are! So! Funny! God! Damn! Now! I! Like! Fred Thompson!!! Too!

*But why does Fred Thompson! so remind me of Jabba the Hut?
Jabba Fred Thompson!!!