Fred Thompson!!!

Fred Thompson for Praysident!

I seen him on TV! He's avuncular! I wanna have a malted and a bourbon with him! I dunno what he stands for but goddamn I know his face and he ain't said anything I disagree with! Hell, he ain't said anything I agree with!

He plays a tough guy lawyer! He will be tough on Osama!

I bet he hates the French! I can't stand the French! The French flag is white! Their women don't shave their armpits! Their hats are flat and they have stems on 'em! They hate me! I know it!

But Fred Thompson is like Ronald Reagan! He was a Republican! He hated commies! Fred Thompson hates commies, too, I bet! I hate commies! Russians! Hate 'em!

I like Fred Thompson! He looks tough but tender like I think I imagine I remember my daddy looking when he wasn't hitting me with a sleeve of Saltines® awake every morning before school! I would get really high and drunk the night before and then in the morning my daddy would hit me awake! And hard, too! "Get up! Get up! Get up! Get up!" he would yell with every swing of the sleeve of Saltines®! (I still sprinkle salt in my hair and lashes before I go out on a date, I tell you!). "I'm up! I'm up! I'm up! I'm up!" I would scream back! That's why I've always been a morning person! Rise and shine! Start the day! Like Fred Thompson starts his days! Daddy had to be tough! But then he was tender! I was lost! "You are lost!" he would shout! But boy did he find me! That's how I feel when I see the next praysident Fred Thompson!

He has a pretty wife! I want a pretty wife! She's blonde! I want a blonde pretty wife! I like pretty wifes!

Fred Thompson!

He will whip the hell out of Hillary! I hate Hillary! I like Rudy, too! He is a true hero! Not like those idiots who stayed in the twin towers when they got flown into by the Iraqi highjackers! Rudy lit out, fully knowing he would have to be alive later on to be Fred Thompson's Vice President!

Fred and Rudy!

Rudy and Fred!

Red Roofies!

That's what I put in Sandra Delvecchio's Purple Jesus in 9th grade! She was out like a light! It was awesome! She told on me to Daddy! He woke me up extra early the next morning! Rise and shine!

Fred Thompson! You got my vote!

Comments

[anastasiabeaverhousen]

Ain't that the truth, pandora.

Great post, Steven. It points out the 'grasping at straws' to which these republicons are relegated.

They have NOTHING this election cycle except failure, fear and divisive politics.

Even NIXON thought this guy was an idiot. Now, that's bottom of the barrel!!!!!!

[Wilburrr]

No... bottom of the barrel would be getting fired by both Bush administrations. Isn't that right, Karl Rove?

[dadw5boys]

A malted and a Bourbon huh?
So you want your senses high but your mind numb when you listen to him.
Well he has that good olde boys charm and words as sweet as ham gravey poured over sweet cream buttered biscuts.
When your metting is over you'll find you pants around your ankles and most likely be laughing about it.
No I'll pass on Slick Freddie.

[skindoggy]

I am surprised that Fred is even registering in the polls....D­id we not learn from the last near-do-well, "seems like a guy you want to have a beer with" boob from Texas that we allowed to take office not once, but twice? This country needs to raise the bar a little bit and elect someone who actually has a little intellect, policy competence, general curiosity about the world.... and is not some "good old boy" who plays the president in movies.
Skindoggy

[indypete]

Larry the Cable Guy would be an improvement over what we have at the moment. Or Pauly Shore. Maybe Bobcat Goldthwaite.

[julianna]

Or my left shoe.

[pandoraspocks]

What's really scary is that there are voters (notice I didn't say "people") out there who could read this and think you were serious.

[indypete]

You mean he's not?

[Rosanneofpgh]

Good one, pete!!

[flatus]

Congrats on the exclamation point count! This new record should stand for years!

Funny blog. Sleeve of Saltines? Hehe.

[Jacee]

Fred....yo­u mean Chester the Molester? What did the Republicans need??? Another old, saggy, foggy, overweight, bald, fake, white guy. Yeeeehaaa. Now that is a diverse field of candidates! Lord. I can't wait until his wedding photos are all over the news. Grandpa married the babysitter! Yeeewwwwww­ww...Isn't that illegal? Really, think about it. Him and his granddaughter bride, gotta be something there that violates vice laws.

The entire field of Republican candidates scream-hypocrites! The only thing the Republican field needs to round it out is Hillary. She would fit right in.

[Yukon Jack]

Sign of desperation!

When the only thing you can attack about a political rival is his age, appearence, marriage and race, you are, obviously in dire straights.

Looking at the sorry bunch on the Left, it is no wonder that Jacee resorts to the usual low of the Left.

PLEASE, keep Hillary! We do not need her.

[ImmanuelGoldstein]

Okay how about attacking him on the fact that he doesn't have anything like the background, intellect, experience or training that I would expect of someone to occupy the White House and the only ideas I've heard him utter are the same predictable freeze dried conservative tripe that got us into our present mess?

There. Feel better?

[Advocate123]

Answer the following questions:

1) What is Hillary Clinton's position on Iraq?

2) What is Hillary Clinton's tax plan?

3) What is John Edwards position on Iraq?

4) What is John Edwards's tax plan?

5) What is Barack Obama's position on Iraq?

6) What is Barack Obama's tax plan?

If you think the answer is to get out of Iraq for any of the above answers, your are wrong. None of the bills that have been written mean that.

In fact, only Ron Paul and Kucinich want to take us out ASAP. But, realistically, that's not physically possible.

On taxes, other than the class envy scheme to just "tax the rich their fair share." What is their plan specifically?

Advocate123
http://copiousdissent.blogspot.com

[clevelandchick]

Hillary is a non starter, if the dems pick her we're stuck with another unintelligent war-mongering greedy corporate-stooge from the GOP for another four years.

Edwards says his plan is to remove a good chunk of the troops right away, leave some special forces in to train Iraqis.

Edwards would reinstate the tax that Clinton levied against the top 1% income earners to pay down the debt. That income group pays only 15%, as it is minimum wage earners pay a higher percentage in taxes. He'd lower taxes on the middle-class that currently shoulders the lion's share of the country's tax burden.

Edwards position on trade is very similar to Kucinich's; get rid of NAFTA. Enforce trade rules regarding environmental protection and workers rights in other countries so that we aren't exploiting their poor to get cheap goods. He is a staunch FAIR trader.

The wealthy have great advantages, use more of the commons that your average citizen, get tax breaks and infrastructure built on the citizen's dime for their business ventures that make them rich to begin with. It's not class envy...it'­s just making them pay their fair share.

[cuthbertallgood]

"Edwards position on trade is very similar to Kucinich's; get rid of NAFTA."

Actually I just heard Edwards on the Ed Shultz show say he would make changes to NAFTA, but not get rid of it. That is not like Kucinich's position. He said NAFTA needs to be 'fixed'. That is pretty different from getting rid of it.

[Scarabus]

Painfully amusing. Alas, poor... well, not poor Yorick but poor American democracy.

For the record, though (as I'm sure you know), the French flag sports the same colors as ours, just in different order: blue, white, and red. The similarity is not coincidental, since our revolution (in which the French general Lafayette played a key role) inspired theirs.

(Trivia: In a campaign promoting a "French-themed" sandwich, Wendy's got the order wrong.)

[smike84]

i think the french "white flag" is the surrender flag. the french are often called "surrender monkeys" for not fighting very hard against their foes throughout history.

[eggman]

Fred's appeal seems to be in the fact that he doesn't really WANT to be president that much, he's not interested in discussing policy or his past indiscretions, he's just doing us all a favor by agreeing to "step up" and lead us all out of this mess created by the LAST folksy guy who didn't really want to be president and had no policy ideas.

But Fred is much taller.

[DickTater]

I find it highly demoralizing, how we stomp on the french and remind ourselves over and over how we saved their sweet buttered butts during WWII

but no-one ever mentions, or seems to remember, that without the french our nation would have crumbled back into the colonial clutches of england. Without the french, our country would never have been born.

I regard the french now as wierd and anti-american, and I have no great love for their culture...­but I will never forget THEIR aid in our time of need. If we helped them at all in WWII, we were just paying back a very old debt. Only idiots would pound on the fact of our helping them in WWII while neglecting their initial acts of bravery and assistance in the 1780's.