Congress to wear corporate sponsorships on clothing ("Redman", "Exxon" and "Pfizer" seen on senator's and congressmen's flame retardant jumpsuits).
"So You Wanna Run Fer Office!" hits number 2 in ratings for eleventh straight month.
Sarah Palin sells own eggs on QVC ("They're just as pristine as can be!").
Recently formed country of TexaKan launches premeditated manure strikes on San Francisco and "Jew" York.
Twelfth annual Viagra® Spunk-A-Thon raises 17 trillion dollars for male-skewed medical conditions.
Glenn Beck and wives form chain of pancake house/fertility clinics.
Jan Brewer's "Decapitater Tots" tries to replace french fries as number one side dish but fails due to utterly confusing promotion.
Rush Limbaugh to be interred in first ever hemmorrhoid-doughnut crypt.
"Official Officiator" Liza Minnelli performs mass pay-per-view wedding ceremony, raising the number of gay marriages over heterosexual unions by 2 to 1 in 15 minutes.
Preternaturally beautiful Huffington Post founder Arianna Huffington and still shockingly fit actor/blogger/mixologist/alpaca farmer Steven Weber announce birth of their fourth genetically modified vegetable-child.
Obama finally finishing fourth term in office passes torch to President Maddow; cuts titanium tether connecting TexaKans to mainland America (which promptly sinks to the bottom of the Gulf due to unregulated construction of Halliburton-supplied flotation devices); peace and prosperity reign for decades.
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