THE BLOG

Featuring fresh takes and real-time analysis from HuffPost's signature lineup of contributors

Steven Weber Headshot

High School Low

Posted: Updated:

Trying to make something--anything---out of their party's creeping irrelevance, the folks who still hold the reins over at Republican HQ have come up with a complex strategy to win back the hearts and minds they lost:

1. Deride Obama's use of teleprompters

2. Send tea bags through the mail (and make a classic gaffe in the same way a clueless New Zealander might happily hold a couple of small birds up to a visiting American and exclaim "Aren't these beautiful tits?")

3. Frantically attempt to brand the president and his policies as Socialist with a jagged capitol "s"

4. Foment crowd violence and call for states to secede from the union (hey, Gov. Perry: don't let Democracy hit you on the ass on your way out!)

5. Let porcine loudmouths and google-eyed, well-dressed lunatics articulate the party's basest fears to a decimated and fractious audience

Looking good so far, Republicans.

The brain behind this strategy must belong to that 13 year old wünderkind who wowed 'em at CPAC. One can only speculate about what brilliant maneuvers are waiting in the wings. A mass sticking-out-of-tongues and going "Nyah, nyah, nyah"?

It's all so high school.

Once denuded of the power usually begot by bullying, gerrymandering and intimidation, the Republicans have nothing but pimply, puerile gestures. After the decisive failure of neocon policies enacted by Bush under the aegis of Republican Conservatism, policies developed and executed with admirable discipline and focus by the way, it is clear that's all they ever had. Like waging a perpetual war, like running a perpetual campaign, the endgame for them was having no endgame.

And what a waste of good, Republican talent and energy, I say.

Why not turn their redoubtable organizational skills at rallying the rake wielding, torch bearing faithful to rebuilding our rotting infrastructure? Or constructing a transcontinental high speed rail system? Or keeping arts programs in schools? Hell, how about starting a campaign to finally build the World Trade Center memorial in downtown New York City. It's only been eight years! Now that you're out of power doesn't mean you can't be useful.

And maybe even a force for good.

Now, come inside and finish your homework.