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Steven Weber

Steven Weber

Posted April 16, 2009 | 02:06 PM (EST)

High School Low


Trying to make something--anything---out of their party's creeping irrelevance, the folks who still hold the reins over at Republican HQ have come up with a complex strategy to win back the hearts and minds they lost:

1. Deride Obama's use of teleprompters

2. Send tea bags through the mail (and make a classic gaffe in the same way a clueless New Zealander might happily hold a couple of small birds up to a visiting American and exclaim "Aren't these beautiful tits?")

3. Frantically attempt to brand the president and his policies as Socialist with a jagged capitol "s"

4. Foment crowd violence and call for states to secede from the union (hey, Gov. Perry: don't let Democracy hit you on the ass on your way out!)

5. Let porcine loudmouths and google-eyed, well-dressed lunatics articulate the party's basest fears to a decimated and fractious audience

Looking good so far, Republicans.

The brain behind this strategy must belong to that 13 year old wünderkind who wowed 'em at CPAC. One can only speculate about what brilliant maneuvers are waiting in the wings. A mass sticking-out-of-tongues and going "Nyah, nyah, nyah"?

It's all so high school.

Once denuded of the power usually begot by bullying, gerrymandering and intimidation, the Republicans have nothing but pimply, puerile gestures. After the decisive failure of neocon policies enacted by Bush under the aegis of Republican Conservatism, policies developed and executed with admirable discipline and focus by the way, it is clear that's all they ever had. Like waging a perpetual war, like running a perpetual campaign, the endgame for them was having no endgame.

And what a waste of good, Republican talent and energy, I say.

Why not turn their redoubtable organizational skills at rallying the rake wielding, torch bearing faithful to rebuilding our rotting infrastructure? Or constructing a transcontinental high speed rail system? Or keeping arts programs in schools? Hell, how about starting a campaign to finally build the World Trade Center memorial in downtown New York City. It's only been eight years! Now that you're out of power doesn't mean you can't be useful.

And maybe even a force for good.

Now, come inside and finish your homework.

Trying to make something--anything---out of their party's creeping irrelevance, the folks who still hold the reins over at Republican HQ have come up with a complex strategy to win back the hearts and...
Trying to make something--anything---out of their party's creeping irrelevance, the folks who still hold the reins over at Republican HQ have come up with a complex strategy to win back the hearts and...
 
 
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11:45 AM on 04/20/2009
Wait a minute. They're sending out tea bags? What?
Can we decide what we want?
I think I'd like decaf green (but the ORGANIC kind, because the other kind sucks).
12:30 PM on 04/19/2009
republicans will never realize that the world is more than white rich people with there panties in a bunch. With the Rush and the Palins "leading" the party, Republicans are comedy!!!! Oh and it gets even better. The Republican followers seem to have dump their brains right along with the tea bags. I have never seen so many people who lacks the ability to think for themselves.
08:54 AM on 04/18/2009
There is some truth to this. So much of what the Right is doing could be described as ‘sophomoric’. Judging by the recent election results and poll numbers, they should change and become more like the Left: go straight to Middle School and pre-pubescent bathroom humor and jokes about the genitals. We heard such stellar approaches to the issues for the last eight years, and one could suppose there is a lesson to be learned. So stop with the High School stuff guys...go straight to seventh grade. Therein lies the path to victory in America, c. 2009.
03:29 PM on 04/17/2009
I've been joking with my friends here in compassionate "family values" conservative country Texas that the downfall of the GOP reads like a bad "High School Musical" parody. For some odd reason, they're not amused.

During the glory days of the GOP, the jocks could cheat off the smart kids (ala Buckley). It was a symbiotic relationship where the entire school sang happy tunes and danced along merrily. But the jocks stopped copying off the smart kids and found out they could get away with being popular just for being popular. They even had the temerity to make fun of the smart kids for being smart.

So the smart kids being, well... smart, they exposed all of the jock's failings. The jocks are now finding out that it's rather difficult to dance with their shorts around their ankles while the rest of the school laughs. And since they can't copy off the smart kids, the jocks only recourse is to try and stamp their feet while the rest of the school launches into the next number without them.
11:13 AM on 04/17/2009
All too true, Steven, but I worry that some charismatic demagogue might rise up and bring all those disparate right wing crazies together into a strong domestic insurgency. As if there were not enough problems for the administration to worry about.

(BTW, I just saw you in The Philanthropist. You were terrific and that first scene is a wowser.)
08:49 AM on 04/17/2009
Republican existentialism: 'I oppose. Therefore I am.'

It really is so very juvenile.
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Mannock
Just flew in from Chicago and my arms are tired.
07:32 AM on 04/17/2009
Godwin's Law was created by a liberal who was incensed with the idea of comparing anyone with Nazism for the slightest thing that was disagreeable. Comparing ANYONE to Hitler means crimes and sadism no less equatable to Hitler and the cruelty of the Nazis. When the ill-educated give these claims and, as Mr. Weber points out, "Frantically attempt to brand the president and his policies as Socialist with a jagged capitol 's'", they show what little value they have for education, and they wear this as a badge of honour, fully neglecting that Hitler succeeded because of his support from the ill-educated. And by people who would sooner languish in hell rather than have a liber and non-white president.
07:11 AM on 04/17/2009
I don't remember the democrats encouraging this kind of thing when they were in the minority. Yes there were left leaning activists, they also had rallies and said harsh things about Bush. But was the democratic party embracing the fringe the way the republicans are? I don't think so.
This is the shocking aspect for me. That a party is willing to ignore its mainstream to cater to the minority within their ranks. I think they're scared to lose the religious and racist vote. As someone pointed out, in normal circumstances and if people really voted for their self interest the republican party would be a very small party. So they need the crazies who know nothing about economics or even the constitution. It is so sad that politicians encourage this kind of ignorance
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julia23
07:51 AM on 04/17/2009
I don't think they are even smart enough to know what is going on.
A caller on Rush yesterday was saying there were people with tattoos and earrings at his protest, and they both concluded that they must have been 'lib infiltrators' because conservatives didn't have tattoos. They obviously have no idea about skinheads - there were lots of them at the protests. And they are NOT conservative-looking.
09:38 AM on 04/17/2009
These "protests" appear to be mainly aout our President's skin color. I'm thinking that most of these toothless rubes are not paying extra taxes under Obama's plan
01:39 AM on 04/17/2009
Nyah, nyah? Oh, that's far too advanced for them. Try neener, neener, neener.
01:32 AM on 04/17/2009
That is soooo funny. Arguing finance and macro economics with a lot of these republicans is such a waste of time. The thing about economics is it is a theory. Not yet a science like physics which has many laws like motion and such. Physicists do not argue, they do experiments and run numbers and get a conclusion. Economics on the other hand and finance is very few laws like supply and demand, and the rest is assumptions and historical record. Thus we have many competing theories and hence the confusion. Listening to high school dropouts like Hannity or college dropouts like Limbaugh just gives me a headache because they are not economists and they do not understand the subject.
The Reagan and Kennedy argument make me want to pull out my hair. Reagan lowered the top tax rate from 70% to 40% but he also ramped up government spending ( or wait thats right millitary spending is not government spending) and left with a 3 trillion dollar deficit. Kennedy also increased Government spending, the space program is a huge government entity. Both Reagan and Kennedy had the room to make those cuts, they did not have massive deficits or as big a millitary plus rates where really high. The point is economists always argue.
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ESerafina42
Abandoned by wolves, raised by Republicans.
12:41 AM on 04/17/2009
Don't forget the old "If I didn't win the election, it must have been stolen and I'm going to hold my breath until some court agrees with me," ploy.
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Haitiana4Obama
Occupy Congress: Vote Democrat Across The Board!
08:41 PM on 04/16/2009
While I mostly see this as free entertainment for the week, I also sense some danger in this top-bottom organized "protests". This goes beyond high-school taunts, I've seen video of people "joking" about waterboarding the president. This isn't a grassroots movement either, the elite and powerful are scared as they've been kicked out of power and are using fear and hate to incite civil unrest.
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BartRoberts
Vita canis, tum mors.
07:09 PM on 04/16/2009
Let Texas leave the union. The nation's mean IQ will rise considerably.
10:03 PM on 04/16/2009
Thanks for illustrating my previous point. Hey - I live here so I know how bad it can be, but such statements make you no better than the angry mobs because you seem to want to perpetuate a playground fight instead of solve a problem.

Come on. Please. I'm begging. Can we try to be reasonable? Yes, our point is that they often aren't. I get it, but does screaming at a frightened animal calm it down?
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RachelMc
01:09 AM on 04/17/2009
hello
06:04 PM on 04/16/2009
What is everyone so afraid of??? This reminds me of the big communist scare a generation ago, when calling someone a communist was so serious, entire restaurants would get quiet if the word was overheard.....shhhhh!!! Lets all click our heels together and say communist, socialist, fascist together five times real fast. Maybe then, we could move on to even better words that cause us great discomfort. Ah the beauty of the freedom of the net . I say let em rant, when you strip away the veneer they really come out this sounding like a bunch of whiners, complainers, and well, just jerks overall. Like we all really give a damn at this point if some idiot can save the government x amount of dollars for some future budget. If you don't want the money, fine, step aside so I get my shot at the American dream, you boring little whiners. the Candyman is here, and you act like scrooges.
05:43 PM on 04/16/2009
Aren't you just playing into it? By covering it incessantly as a train wreck, you're only fanning the flames. Did anyone encourage reasonable independents/liberals/progressives to attend the demonstrations to try to talk them down from the ledge with reason?
We have to admit that poking them them from the sidelines (while giving them the coverage they crave) is not helping. It doesn't matter how right we are, it only makes it worse. If we sincerely want reasonable dialogue, we need to start acting like it.
I did attend a "tea party" as a liberal. I wore my Obama shirt, smiled and engaged about 10 people, only one of whom screamed and ran away. I started with questions, not accusations. I spoke respectfully and found common ground (which we too often don't want to admit we have). I got my point across but I did it by listening first, then talking. We had decent, if not perfect, arguments.
Why do we continue to deride their ignorance but make no effort to respectably invite them into the market place of ideas? We run to our camps and we scream at the other and snicker among each other. No matter your politics, you know that can't help - and if we're afraid that the right's angry behavior may lead to real violence, shouldn't we, in the interest of diffusion instead of incitement, take a cue from our own President and extend a hand instead of clenching our fist?
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Rogan
11:50 PM on 04/16/2009
You're absolutely right, and I do things your way, too - when it comes to dealing with individual voting citizens, down here on the ground, out there in the real world. It's amazing how easy it is to find political common ground with anyone, if you try.

But the Republican leadership, and associated bodies like Fox News, owe their nation and their constituents much much more and better. It's astonishing, what they're doing, and what they're encouraging. And what they're NOT doing, as in, behaving like an actual political party, is even more astonishing.