Ocean's 43

If only W was as prepossessing as Clooney or as nattily attired, then even the growing disgruntled mass that wants his guts for garters would be forgiving, as the public always is with homegrown scalawags, even ones that rape, stomp, throttle and bitch slap democracy the way he and his band of slick grifters have.

Oh, it was sweet, this one. They researched the hell out of it for decades, patiently watching the behavior, noting the patterns, seeding the grassroots, rehearsing it over and over and over -- and baby, PULLED. IT. OFF.

Years after the stinger's been inserted and the host has absorbed the anesthetizing toxin as though born to the task, Ocean's 43 are fleeing now, having palmed about as much as they can under their green-ink-and-blood-stained shirts, and swiftly taking their choreographed turns going through the revolving door in the rear of the establishment (installed in a no bid contract by Halliburton) into waiting Hummers. Alberto! Grab the steaks. Turd Blossom, you git the PBR! Last one to Dubai's a Liberal!

So W and his assembled band of smirking rogues, posing as the managers of The Greatest Store on Earth gave us what we had coming. They showed up to work. They greeted the customers. They wore "Ask Me" pins next o the flags on their lapels. They promised them big sales and price cuts and rows and rows of gleaming products -- and then they pissed on them. And even as their customers were soaking and reeking, the managers denied they were voiding their bladders and, as suspected (after decades of steady indoctrination), the customers ignored the briny swamp that washed over them. And just when everyone started to notice a slight pong in the air (alerted by a chirpy "Spill on aisle three!"), Ocean's 43 waded away, Medals of Freedom tinkling like wind chimes blowing in the Bay St. Louis breeze.

So now it's time to take our business elsewhere. America™ is no longer the great emporium it once was, the repository for people's hopes and dreams now now stands ransacked and emptied. Starting with a simple premise -- life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness and an opportunity for all to participate in a united, benign, free-thinking society---it has over time become an example of what happens when laxity, greed and good old fashioned moral corruption are allowed to seep in and fester. Management has changed hands so many times, and each successive generation pushed farther away from the founders' intentions for the store and the essential services it provided, its original concept has become abandoned for more expedient ways to turn a profit. It's a testimony both to people's trust and their gullibility as well as a reminder that the two are separated by the most porous of membranes, the same membrane that separates the patriot from the profiteer. It's a flimsy measure that can be easily exploited. And then the time's ripe for a stinging of Soderberghian proportions. But you gotta be good. And Ocean's 43 were.

But why bother with all that? Wasn't it cool? It should be a movie!

Comments

[professor]

How can anyone "earn" 50 billion dollars?

[Flipkid]

Another instant classic from the "pen" (so to speak) of Steven Weber.

Even if we-- and the rest of the US-- are smart enough to elect a Democrat as the next Prez, it will be interesting to see exactly how long it takes to straighten this mess out and get back to square one.

[Aunt Shecky]

What an appropriate analogy, Mr. Weber, for
this "nation of shopkeepers."
The problem is, though, because of what this
Administration has done to the economy -- at least to poor people -- we can't afford to
shop anywhere, including Wal Marts. (As if we'd want to!)
Your blogs are always so lively and dynamic.

[rwilliams1961]

Dude, a movie? My God, who would attend? The social conservatives were used. The liberals were appalled. Those with "no opinion" were ignored (although they haven"t realized it yet). The only ones who won during this administration fly private jets and don"t bother with movies. They produce plays. Like the one we"re living through now. And as we learned in The Producers, they didn"t use their own money. They used ours. And the production wasn"t Ocean"s 43. It was Springtime for Bush.

[czf]

since when was "a united, benign, free-thinking society" ever a part of the deal of the U.S.? I'll give you life and liberty and pursuit of happiness, but no one ever said anything about being united or benign.

[AlteredEgo]

Scary and thrilling, isn't it?

[AlteredEgo]

Yes, we all wish it was just a movie but it's not. Duty calls. Will we answer, or go back to our widescreen escapes?

And yes, it is empire that we fight. It's always been the same and ever will be.

And yes, I say again: WE HAVE THE POWER OF THE PURSE! Remember that on April 15 2008. We can grind this systemic evil to a halt with millions of blank pieces of paper... We can stop feeding the beast. We have a non-violent weapon of change at our disposal, and we can use it to take our country back.

[enraged]

Stephen,
Fuckin excellent outrageous and best of all side splitting hillarious. I too want their guts for garters, but a little humor on the way
to the butchery is good for the digestion.
Kudos

[indypete]

Beautifully said.... I wish it were just a movie!

[realitytrumpsbull]

The reason that I favor the Independents is that they do not affiliate themselves with EITHER DNC or GOP, BOTH parties that have tax money sticky-finger-itis. The Real Question is, whoever comes in next, how are they going to clean up after this bunch of clowns? Is it even possible? What will be the interest on 13 trillion dollars? Who will invest in the US economy anymore when China finally cashes in their chips? Welcome to BushCo, your discount wholesale legislation emporium...bad credit? No cash? NO problem! Low monthly payments, see a sales clerk today! LOL

[V4Vendetta]

None dare call it Empire.

[AlteredEgo]

Get up to DC on SEPT 15 and SHOW the SCUM the power of uppidity slaves!!! For one Saturday at least, stop blogging in the virtual world and SHOW UP in the real one!!!

If WE the PEOPLE are unwilling to fight and persevere for our country, then we have already lost it.

[AlteredEgo]

NO, we will NOT be stuck with Scum in the WH and ourselves in the bogs-blogs IF:
We stand up to the Scum in our government, businesses and churches and CHANGE the hearts of men and the systems of men.
All of us here, including the very talented Steven Weber, can OBSTRUCT, RESIST, CHALLENGE and TRANSFORM the single-celled scum of our national subservience to wealth and violence into a multi-celled HUMANE-ITY IF we get off our collective ass and just do it. There are no guarantees we will succeed, but the effort is all.

[javagirl322]

Steven, I enjoyed your piece...and I agree with runforcover. America is in for some bad times.

[seawolf77]

They wrecked it this once beautiful country. And the amazing part is there are people still with them. Like a Republican in New Orleans. Amazing. They can piss and shit all over you and still they want more. I tell all my ex freinds Repubs you wanna know how Nazi Germany came into being. Smell the coffee buddy...it was people JUST LIKE YOU.

[oafishcad]

While I firmly believe the Democrats will do a better job than the Republicans have done, they are equally prone to corruption, the corruption that money and power bring. If we just change parties and don't monitor their every move, we'll end up with the same mess again. If the Congress had been reigning in Bush, or the Supreme Court had, or the media, we wouldn't be in this mess. Every one of them played right along and turned the Presidency into a Royal Decidership.