In a stunning display of Biblical specificity not seen since the face of Jesus's mother Mary was seen on the underside of Pat Robertson's barcalounger, the entire state of Texas has been Raptured, with the exception of the city of Austin and actor Thomas Hayden Church.
Governor Rick Perry removed all his clothing moments before, telling reporters "I won't be needing these anymore!". When asked what he'll do when he and the millions of other right wing morons reach Heaven, the Governor (or as one reporter referred to the denuded Republican afterward as "Rock Perky") replied "I'm gonna ride me one of them dinosaurs. And even though I won't have pants or a saddle, in Heaven I am certain there is no chaffing."
Since the Texas State Board of Education amended social studies, history and economics textbooks to reflect an ultra-conservative point of view, the signs that Rapture was imminent began to appear. Piggly Wigglys all over the state began to slash prices on all foods with Olestra in them, bouffant hairdo's on older Texas matrons spontaneously burst into an ectoplasm-like flame which defied extinguishing and the acne-ridden faces of born again teenagers began to leak ambergris.
The remaining damned gathered for miles around to watch the mass ascension of the Lone Star Staters and, as the last naked putz vanished into a layer of stratocumulus, a cheer rose up which could be heard all the way to Rhode Island and parts of Haiti.
Plans for the now vacated expanse of land include the possible relocation of Israel or just allowing things to grow there again.
Follow Steven Weber on Twitter: www.twitter.com/@TheStevenWeber
Michael Zimmerman, Ph.D.: The Texas State Board of Education Embraces Islamophobia
Years ago I dated a Texan. He hit the roof if you even thought of denigrating Texas. He had a love affair with his big ole honkin' pick up truck, loved hunting coyote, smoking his Kools, and worshipped his guns and his church. Whew, did I dodge a bullet or what?
By the way Steven, I recently watched the Wings episode where you had to have a scene with Ollie North. I had fun imagining your thought balloon. Must have been a fun day on the set,......... or not.
Overall, the last year of politics and news has had the effect of deflating us progressives, or "demon-toting" liberals as some may call us, and it all has given me the impression that these freaks are going to take over the country again.
I think I need to be held and rocked.
The Hidalgo County Sheriff questions “How can you implement a plan for spillover violence when there isn’t any?â€
Sheriff Lupe Treviño seems to forget Perry is running for re-election against Dem Bill White.
The problem is these textbooks will also be used in other states:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ynews/20100315/ts_ynews/ynews_ts1253
Texas, Don't Mess With U.S. !!!
- Tom
Here they are:
"Europe Reborn" 2003, Harold James, Princeton University
"The Enduring Vision" Volumes I and II, 2008, Boyer, Clark, et al, Houghton Mifflin Company
"The Heritage of World Civilizations", Volumes I and II, 2009, Craig, Graham, et al., Pearson Prentice Hall
"The Western Experience", Volumes I and II, Chambers, 2007, Hanawalt, et al., McGraw Hill
"Social Problems and the Quality of Life", 2008, Lauer & Lauer, McGraw Hill
"Science, Culture and Society", 2005, Erickson, Polity
"Present Tense: The United States Since 1945". 2004, Schaller, Schultzinger & Anderson, Houghton Mifflin
"The Environmental Policy Paradox", 2009, Smith, Pearson Prentice Hall
"American Government: Continuity and Change", 2008, O'Connor & Sabato, Pearson Longman
All of these are textbooks I have read over the last 30 months for a Social Science degree. I'll leave it to you to get any or all of them and determine for yourself their political alignment.
I cannot comment on what are lies or not in the Texas textbook controversy as I have not read any of the textbooks - have you? My comment was that Mr. Weber (a self-described "wise a**") must think every all other social studies textbooks besides the ones in Texas are fair and balanced.
I suggest we return this stolen (and badly damaged) state/country (they never can seem to make up their minds which they want to be...) to Mexico once and for all and call it a day.
Yee-Haw, Senors!
Too bad some of them can't demand what the teachers say.
Unfortunately, our family lives in Dallas and the public schools primarily teach in Spanish and our children don't speak Spanish fluently enough for school.
We gladly offer our property tax to help the underpriviledge and illegal immigrants an education free of charge - and even more proud that they will actually learn American History and American Social Studies.
That being said - allowing me to chose who educates my children is and will be best. And I'm there regularly to ensure my children understand American History and American Social Studies. God Bless Texas!