The Subtext of Texting

Go to any bar in any major city on a busy night, look around, and you'll see more hands on PDA's and cell phones than you'll see on cocktails.

It used to be that if you tried to talk to someone, you only had to compete with the other people in the bar for their attention. Now, you also have to compete with whoever that person is texting--and usually it's a few people.

We are having distracted bits and pieces of conversation via text to people who aren't with us, which of course makes us have distracted bits and pieces of conversation with the people who are. We all go about our lives now with one foot in the invisible realm of our e-social lives. Admit it, if you're out with a friend and they get up to go to the bathroom, the first thing you do is reach instinctively for your PDA/phone, when you used to just sit idly and people-watch. Because even when it's quiet, it never stops whispering at you from your pocket or your purse: "cheeeeck meeeee. I could be that person who blew you off, finally coming to my senses. I could be that work email you've been waiting for. I could be that invitation to something better than where you are now." It whispers, it calls to us, it is both our social wellspring and the black hole devouring The Now.

I am just as guilty of this as anyone; the vague "yeah's and uh-huhs" I give people sitting next to me as I try to finish off a text, the endless checking and re-checking for responses, all of it. So the challenge I level now is for myself as much as it is for everyone else: try existing for a night without your phone and see what happens. See how much more you focus on the taste of the wine, or the food, and the person you're sharing it with. See how much more likely you are to notice the smiling glance across the room, or listen to the story the old regular is telling his glass of whiskey. That phone or that PDA is all past and future tense, and no present. And if the present is the only thing that really exists and our texting habits are allowing us to disregard it, then doesn't that mean that we are ceasing to exist?

Comments

[griffintheuk]

I think a lot of people have things backwards. Firstly, calling someone on their mobile phone is just rude. It's like walking up to them while they are doing something else and saying "Stop that now, talk to me". I don't pretend I am so important that most of the time what I have to tell someone merits their immediate attention.

Texting (like email) on the other hand, is potentially more polite (as would be deliberately getting straight to someone's voicemail). It says "I have a message for you, but read it at your convenience".

Text is a godsend for those who (like me) like the asynchronous idea of email but hate that it shackles people to a desk.

Text is also near free on most plans whereas actually calling someone costs real money (or minutes).

So texting is good. The problem is that
- people expect it to be immediate, and hence set alert tones and hold conversations with it (which is daft). These people are basically using it as IM. Being in the presence of someone like this is like having a meeting with someone in their office and they keep turning to their PC to use IM
- people seem to enjoy it for it's own sake (bizarrely).

The scenario in the article is not about texting really. I'm sure people make voice calls when the other person goes to the bathroom too.
It is about not being 100% present with the person you are with.

[ChloeThinks]

Unfortunately, as I was reading this article out loud to my friends, we agreed with everything Stinson Carter wrote in his article “The Subtext of Texting.” I have to admit that I am definitely one of those people who are constantly checking their Blackberries to see if they have any new texts or messages 24/7. However, that is how most of my college life runs. At parties and in class, people are responding to text messages while they’re with other people- people who are there and physically present, and not only available in cyberspace at the moment. I can recall one fraternity party I was at where this guy was making out with this girl and simultaneously with one hand texting someone. It is sad that some people can’t live life or have a conversation in person without being distracted by a text message. And honestly, life would be simpler without the distractions and sometimes miscommunications and complications texting brings, but hey- if I get a text message worthwhile, there’s no harm in responding. Although, I might in fact take Carter’s advice and see how life really is without the “whisper” of my phone just for a day.

[bbaileyc]

Technology, schmecnology.

Thanks for the inspiration, Mr. Carter. Next time, I’m taking my parenthesis-faced friends and their stunted grammar off the table, for a chance at that whispered smile from the across the room. Just like the old days.

[illmanic]

gotta love how this triggered a cell phone ad right below it!

but seriously folks, i just read all the comments before me and while the author makes a valid point, i think we have to face reality as well. communications technology will always continue to develop, grow, and change, and it will always change society along with it. it's not that texting shouldn't be questioned; i'm simply arguing that the same article could be written about email 15 years ago, online bulleting boards 25 years ago, the telephone 75 or so years ago, and so on.

i applaud those who have made the decision to resist what they consider odious overuse of cell phones and/or texting, and i consider myself somewhat of a neo-luddite (although i do use both of the above). but new technologies change the way we interact, and until the drive to create new technology ends, these changes will keep happening.

as for the complaints about "the younger generation," of course they have embraced the new technologies. again, as frustrating as it is (and i teach college and have had to shut down would-be texters myself, so i understand the frustrating), we do have to accept the reality that most people, especially younger people, are attracted to the convenience of cell phones and texting. all we can do is politely ask others to refrain from prioritizing people they are contacting electronically over people they are physically with, if it is bothering them.

[prainva]

The difference is that people are now texting while engaging in activities that should demand full attention, like driving. That puts ME in danger. I work for a major corporation that can't seem to come up with a coherent policy to deal with cell phone usage, and consequently has cashiers texting each other between registers. Being in constant contact is not a right. If I am paying you for your time and attention, you are defrauding me if you are constantly engaging in other activities.

[illmanic]

i agree that texting while driving is completely dangerous, as are talking on a cell phone or eating or fiddling with the radio, if you are not paying proper attention to the road. and i also agree that someone who is being paid to provide you with a service should not be ignoring you by texting or doing anything else to distract themselves.

my point is simply that it is not texting that is the issue. your concerns (safety on the road and poor service) are based on people distracting themselves with a new technology. this is part of the evolution of technology in general. we can't change that evolution. in a few years new distractions will appear. but they will also have new positive results. this is always the way new technologies work.

should we blame texting, an anonymous subset of the population who use it poorly, or just accept that this technology exists now, along with people who use it wisely, and people who don't? the latter seems to be the option that causes the least frustration. some people will always drive dangerously, and some people will always be rude. i don't think that texting made them that way.

[Carrie-On]

When I retired (recently) to write, I literally threw my "cell phones" away. What a great life there is "out" here in reality land. Tuning into NPR , PBS evenings, music, books, tea, coffee ad lib, refusing to be boxed in by deadlines unfavorable to this life - ahhhh lovely. Better yet, not answering the phone, shedding "Call Notes" in favor of answering machine to hear who wants to talk to me, or slipping the cord out of the phone . . . freedom comes. How did I live before (it was common knowledge that I'd be in hog-heaven if I had a microwave in my car!)? Now I realize, I wasn't living.

https://www.donotcall.gov/default.aspx

[S1m0n]

Yeah, but you're still hanging around on online forums.

[bbaileyc]

I think the writer owned his participation in the insidious and infectious texting habit. Perhaps you could illuminate your 21st-Century view that interactive media = bad manners and social denial.

[Gladys1963]

Some folks need be texted a page from an etiquette guide.

There's a time and place for everything, and nothing bugs me more than being out with a friend who takes a non-emergency phone call. Texting's the same deal--no one is THAT important that they can't put their electronic devices away for a dinner or a rehearsal or a class.

[LeftCoastLefthandedLefty]

People were always distracted. True

All the current technological advances unfortunately give everone an excuse to be distracted and rude.

[LeftCoastLefthandedLefty]

Sorry, I meant to reply to Robert Raleigh's post.

[Robert Raleigh]

Another fine example of blaming technology for simple human nature. You think people weren't distracted before there were electronic devices?

[illmanic]

amen.

[Dace]

They are testing the person they are with because they can't have an in person conversation anymore.

[breezi]

Texting in a bar, you say? How about driving down the highway at 80 mph while texting? We've got to do something about cell phones in cars. Hands-free is a good start, but let's face it, there really are people who can't walk and chew gum at the same time.

[vagabondvet]

By "something," what would you have done? Doing something about texting rather than examine the cause isn't a good idea; people aren't bad drivers because they talk on the phone or text or eat or change the radio or etc. People are bad drivers because they are bad drivers. Some people may not be able to walk and chew gum at the same time, so does that mean something should be done about that too?

[prainva]

Studies have shown that it is the distraction, not the specific activity, that creates danger. There is NO WAY to safely text while driving. NONE.

[kcdrew]

so we had a party Saturday night and one of the youngest people there--a 32 yr old--starts texting.

AT A PARTY!

I was surprised.

It seemed dumb to me, for sure, but hey, someone no doubt texted him and next thing you know, he's busy.

whatever.

[fleaba]

The temptation to totally unplug and unwifi overcomes me several times a week.
No cell, no computer...no landline, or anything. I think I would like that....but meanwhile I'm glued.

[GentlyFeral]

When I lived in a place where VirginMobile actually had service, I NEVER turned my phone on unless I was MAKING a call. Now I can't get cell phone reception at all at a price I can afford, and I'm just as happy.

I'm still glued to the internet (including Twitter), but that's because I can't function in large crowds of live people; being surrounded by strangers is exhausting. I guess the tweet-stream (or, previously, multiple IRC chat windows) functions for me as crowds do for the non-recluse - a warm bath of human interaction into which I can plunge whenever I'm ready.

[zeiben]

I'll finish this article later... gotta go check my facebook

[SonofLiberty1]

I only use my cell phone for emergencies or things like checking on a grocery list while I'm at the store.
Sounds like something that kids use because they have the time but I really doubt if you would find many CEO's etc out there that do.

I mean, why not call someone on the phone for pete sakes?

[lovesickbilly]

I'm not sure which speaks to your being a luddite more loudly: that you don't see the value in modern means of communication, or that you say 'for pete sakes'.

[Paul Hathcoat]

I believe that should be "for Pete's sake."

[prainva]

I'm sorry, I expect other drivers to be paying attention to their driving, and service personnel to actually be waiting on me, rather than staring slack-jaw at a tiny screen because they just can't wait to see what their friends have to say. If that makes me a luddite, so be it.

[Tetrine]

It's not just among the Gen Y -- go to any bar full of business professionals, it's a Blackberry storm.

[MissElaineous]

Before PDAs, a lot of us would pull out a book while waiting for a friend to get back from the loo. Consider that a lot of young women have to do something when their companions are absent in order to keep men from hitting on them. That is the true reason why women go to the bathroom in a group. If they divide up, every creep in the bar is all over them. (No, I am not vain. I was not particularly attractive in my early 20s, but boy, howdy, are young men in their early 20s over-eager.)

[synergie]

Not something they grow out of either.