THE BLOG

Foot Health Facts: The Pump Bump

04/14/2015 10:08 am ET | Updated Feb 02, 2016

I have a deformity. It's called Haglund's. One typically gets it from wearing too many high heels over the years, thus earning it's nickname, "the pump bump." In my life, I've probably worn one Prada high heel. Non-plural. I'm gay and prefer Donald Pliner loafers, especially my mustard colored ones. To sum it up Haglund's is a bony enlargement at the back of the heel. As I read on the Internet, "The soft tissue near the Achilles tendon becomes irritated when the bony enlargement rubs against shoes." It leads to painful bursitis. In layman terms, it freaking hurts like hell and your heel feels as if it is on fire. I'm not one that loves a doctor's office visit so I've been "deformed" for over six months. Alas, I'm heading to Vietnam, and I assume the trip involves walking. So I went to the foot doctor. He's nice and gave me my diagnosis after taking an x-ray. Then he said he would prescribe me pain killers, but when he found out I took a non-traditional anti-depressant, he reneged, so now I don't like him very much. He gave me a sock that looks like cut up nylons my grandmother once wore but with rubber inside. Apparently you're suppose to wear the sock two hours the first day and grow into using it. I wore mine 24-hours the first day, and didn't understand why I wasn't all better. Treatment for this varies from surgery to physical therapy, I chose PT. It's a another freakin' killer with one Ronda Rousey therapist. You get ultrasound on your ankle, ice, heat...you play with a massage roller and all these other Game of Thrones type of torture chamber foot exercises. I've been doing this for a few weeks now, and Saturday I felt better for the first time. I've been getting my supplies ready for Vietnam. On Saturday, I was well enough to take my Peptol Bismol out of its box, and my Venus razors out of their hard plastic casing. As you can see, things are getting ready to go! I bought every color of the rainbow Ralph Lauren polo shirts on Amazon. You won't be able to miss me in Vietnam. I'll be the preppy one, lagging behind with one loose ankle in my mustard shoes. But I'm intent on going. Halong Bay, is calling. Natural beauty awaits, and so a foot deformity is minor in comparison to those who suffer with really wretched illnesses. Today, I sat next to a man who has Haglund's on both feet. I asked him if his Louboutins had been the culprit.