I Do What I Want
"There is something in every one of you that waits and listens for the sound of the genuine in yourself. It is the only true guide you will ever have. And if you cannot hear it, you will all your life spend your days on the end of strings that somebody else pulls." -Howard Thurman
The first memory I have of myself painting was when I was in kindergarten. I was working on a profile of a woman with blonde hair, wearing a red dress. My teacher was so astonished at the level of my skill she brought the rest of the faculty in to watch me. When I ran home and showed my creation to my mother, she barely gave it a glance before she discarded it. Today, I believe she had a personality disorder and didn't have the capacity to be supportive. I really struggled, searching for the courage to live my dream of being an artist. Part of me believed I was gifted, and the other half thought I was delusional.
Preparing for college, I informed my high school counselor that my sights were set on a career as an artist. She assured me that wasn't realistic. No, my future had teacher or nurse stamped across it. I was heartsick. Even though I didn't argue with her prediction, my mind still whispered, Someone is going to do it. Why not you? That thought is was what lead me, at 17, to begin reading books by Norman Vincent Peale, the father of positive thinking. His message fueled my longings and gave me the determination not to abandon them. Holding on to my gift is one of the triumphs of my life. I could have so easily accepted what the adults in my world told me. As time unfolds, it becomes increasingly clear - authority figures don't know everything.
When I became a parent, my joy couldn't be contained. The love I felt for my children made my mother's lack of interest in me even more obvious. One thing was certain: I would make sure my kids knew they mattered.
The girl in the illustration is my daughter, Bridget, when she was 21. She sits on a moon composed of her dad's chagrin. Yes, that is his face embedded in it, and those are her words waltzing across the sky. Bridget was born with a sense of entitlement. At 3 years old, when I told her I was the boss, she exclaimed, "I'm the boss too!" At that moment, I made a pact with myself to protect that fire in her. I wanted her to believe she could do anything. I wanted her to know that her hopes and aspirations where important, and nothing could stand in her way of achieving them. When she was in junior high, I took her and her cousin to "The Oprah Winfrey Show." We were in the audience for an episode on girls and self-esteem. I hoped they'd make the connection that Oprah and her staff weren't so different from them. Knowing that regular people do amazing things makes what we long to achieve more attainable. This first occurred to me when my children's friends looked at my illustrations and couldn't believe I had painted them. I saw the significance of understanding that the extraordinary always comes from the ordinary. Knowing that is what gives credence to the words, "Someone is going to do it. Why not me?" And why not you? What gifts were you born to share with the world?
I snapped the above photo of Bridget to base my illustration on. Under my direction she sits on a "picnic table moon," holding a martini glass.
Today, Bridget is still doing what she wants as a local television news anchor and reporter. Once she got the bug to be on TV, she never even considered it wasn't possible. She is a born communicator and loved being on air from day one.
Bridget's role model is Diane Sawyer. So in 2010, when "The Oprah Winfrey Show" requested recommendations for a "Harpo Hook-Up" show, I sent an email (okay, 33 emails) to her website telling her staff about Diane's influence on my daughter and how inspiring it would be for Bridget to meet her. Sure enough, the Oprah Show hooked her up. Bridget got to sit in on ABC's World News as Diane's guest. It was one more opportunity for her to see that big things are accomplished by ordinary people. Most of all, what I yearned for Bridget to take away from that experience was that dreams do come true. And they do.
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