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Susan Kaiser Greenland

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Making Happiness a Habit Through Mindfulness

Posted: 08/12/11 02:28 PM ET

What if happiness was a habit that we could teach children? We can. Qualities that lead away from happiness (strong negative emotions) and qualities that lead toward happiness (ethical actions) are all rooted in habits developed in the past. Mindfulness helps children and teens recognize the habits that lead to happiness and break the ones that don't.

Habits are easy to make, hard to break and everybody has them. Some habits are physical (cracking knuckles and twirling hair), some are verbal (using certain words or phrases) and some are psychological (worrying, daydreaming, judging and over-analyzing). By repeating a habit we reinforce the brain circuits associated with it and make the habit stronger. The stronger the habit, the stronger the neural pathways, and the stronger the effort and determination required to break it. If teenagers check their Facebook pages first thing in the morning, every morning, checking Facebook will soon become their default, automatic response to waking up. If they hike or meditate first thing in the morning, every morning, hiking or meditating will soon become their default, automatic response to waking up. The more a habit is repeated the stronger it becomes and the more likely it is to become a person's automatic response to a specific experience.

There is a well-established, evidence-based curriculum that uses mindfulness to develop life-skills that make people happy. It rest on three universal qualities attention, balance and compassion. Countless parents and educators, who have tried this curriculum themselves, are now passionate about teaching mindfulness to youth. They form the basis of an emerging grassroots movement to bring mindfulness to education.

Mindfulness is a refined process of attention that allows children to see the world through a lens of attention, balance and compassion. When children learn to look at the world with attention, balance and compassion they soon learn to be in the world with attention, balance and compassion.

Making compassion a habit.

To make compassion a habit all kids need to do is promise that everything they do will be kind and compassionate and keep that promise. Sound easy? Anyone who has ever taken a vow, and then tried to keep it, knows that saying you'll speak and act in a certain way is easier said than done. The best way to keep a promise is to make it a habit and that's where mindfulness can help. Mindfulness is the mental quality by which children and teens remember to check-in with themselves throughout the day and make sure they are on track. Mindfulness helps kids remember their intention to be kind and compassionate and notice if they're acting and speaking in accordance with it. We don't expect children to be perfect, any more than we expect perfection of ourselves, but using mindfulness to notice when they swerve off track and away from their intention allows them to correct their course.

Making concentration a habit.

Concentrating on one thing and nothing else is a crucial skill in school. Students who have the capacity to direct their attention toward what they're studying, and keep it there, have an obvious advantage over those who are easily distracted. To develop concentration, and make it a habit, students use mindfulness to periodically check-in and make sure they are still paying attention to their chosen object. "Has my mind wandered or become dull?" "Am I paying attention to my homework, or am I thinking about the past or future? " "Am I alert or have I faded into a sleepy state of mind?"

Making balance a habit.

Once children and teens use mindfulness to develop compassion by remembering to check-in to make sure they're actions are aligned with their intentions, and refine their attention by checking-in to make sure they're paying attention to their chosen object, they are ready to use mindfulness to develop emotional balance. The strong and stable faculty of attention that children and teens develop practicing concentration becomes more refined when they use it to see what's happening in, to and around them clearly even when what's happening is emotionally upsetting or charged. Like developing attention and compassion, when developing balance students check-in periodically and notice what they're attending to. Mindfulness in developing emotional balance goes deeper by developing discernment a powerful quality of wisdom through which children and teens notice, among other things, patterns and habits of action and speech.

Hope motivates change.

I've worked with parents around the world and they have one thing in common: Parents want to be happy and they want their children to be happy. They're worried that the current educational system doesn't teach the life skills necessary to solve the myriad problems their children will surely inherit. Many parents feel hopeless. When they learn that mindfulness training is -- an evidenced based curriculum; with a long, reliable track record; universal in its approach; and taught in a secular way -- they feel hopeful again. Hope motivates change and explains the growing, grassroots social-action movement for mindful education.

Susan Kaiser Greenland, author of The Mindful Child and former corporate attorney, developed the Inner Kids program for children, teens and their families and teaches worldwide.

 
 
 

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11:46 AM on 09/04/2011
Life is all about conscious and conscientious choices. In any given situation, one can choose
to find the positive and and act on it. This lifts everyone up. Living in the present is more challenging for some people, but if one knows that one tends to succumb to distractions, being mindful of this does help us to find the determination to be present and to focus. I think of mindfulness as the continuous awareness that we have the power to make choices in our lives. Choosing to be happy, choosing to be healthy, choosing to be compassionate, all choices.
06:52 AM on 08/25/2011
a much needed book in todays society! thank you!
avg american
It's about jobs, jobs, jobs...
08:38 AM on 08/24/2011
Mindfulness is about being engaged and present in the moment, so that whatever is happening, a person can: make the best decision, find peace, find happiness, etc.

In this 20 min attention-span world, governed by the telly, teaching mindfulness meditation to children will definitely give them an advantage in school and in life.
07:33 PM on 08/21/2011
thanks.
People's health is important to lead a peaceful and happy way of life. Healthy benefits of a non-human world is difficult to take delight.

health videos
12:37 AM on 08/17/2011
I agree with the premise that creating that habit is essential. People are naturally happy but by the time we are 30 and the truth about loss, death, obligations and overwhelm come into our lives it take a commitment to maintain it. And then it is a huge challenge to do that.
10:46 AM on 08/15/2011
Great article. We are as happy as we make our minds up to be. The body believes what the mind conceives. I read a really great article about this a few days ago on the blog listed below. I think she has a you tube channel too. Meditation is something that I have really struggled to understand and do. This has helped! blog.mydiscoverhealth (dot) com
01:39 AM on 08/14/2011
It's all good in theory, but when loved ones die tragic deaths, children are left without parents, wives without husbands, illness and disease strike, wolves come baying at the door because it's so difficult to raise kids anyway; alone, even harder; other parents abandon children, every good attempt and intention comes to naught, your children suffer....it's difficult to maintain the facade of real happiness. There are things that happen beyond one's control, horrible things, and to gloss over them and paste on a smile is denying the loss and the difficulty...Sometimes all one can do is slog though, keep on swimming, trying to gasp for air to do the next thing that someone needs, and being "content" with whatever happy moments happen while you're trying to keep your chin up and put up a brave, smiling front. No amount of 'mindfulness" will change tragic circumstances beyond our control. All we can do is go on from there, do the best we can, not force ourselves to fake or unrealistic, try as hard as we can for better days, and hope and pray for the best. It is not always possible to "create" one's own happiness, or instill it in our children if horrible things have happened, but we can show them how to keep putting one foot in front of the other and appreciate the small glimmers of happiness, and learn to experience "contentment" with what is.
10:43 AM on 08/17/2011
I don't think the post and what you're saying are contradictory. The things mentioned in the post are simply some really good tools to help with putting one foot in front of the other. Because you're right, there's a whole slew of terrible things that happen to people everyday, but the better equipped someone is to deal with whatever it is they're facing, especially at a young age, the better they will be able to make the best of their situation and find what happiness they can.
10:27 PM on 08/13/2011
This is an excellent article referencing that one single word, "mindfulness" that is so important in building good character. Children used to be taught the "Golden Rule" early to help them understand how to treat others as they wish to be treated. Children grow up to do the right thing when parents are firm but kind. Positive thought, what you think about, comes about, and keeping kids happy is what it is about.
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stacy slay
I don't need no stinkin' badges.
07:02 PM on 08/13/2011
People are naturally happy. It takes years of this world to knock it out of them. Get away from the race and peoples happiness returns. I have also noticed that the more people are jammed together, i.e. New York or Tokyo, the more unhappy they are. Flee from the cities before all hope is lost.
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undrgrndgirl
what's so funny 'bout peace, love & understanding?
01:34 PM on 08/13/2011
happy - the word happy derives from "hap" which meant luck, chance or fortune - it is also the root of happenstance, happen and happening...all of which have to do with luck or chance...

happiness is overrated and should not in an of itself be a goal; it may even be something that can't be achieved.

i also don't get the authors connecting happiness with mindfulness...they don't seem to really have anything to do with one another....
Ana4
neutrino alert, just passing through
02:32 PM on 08/13/2011
"Happiness should not be a goal"
No, it ought to be a starting point.
It has to be radiated from within.

The title is misleading.
07:27 PM on 08/13/2011
True. Happiness exists only with the constant threat of unhappiness if circumstances change. This is why a Buddhist might say "I have no unhappiness in me" in response to the question are you happy. Rather than seeking happiness, which is transient, being at peace with all circumstances is what matters.

And it is a state of being that is absolutely possible to teach by example. Great article!
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01:23 PM on 08/13/2011
So, condition the little ones to over-look potentially detrimential situations and encounters by painting over it with a skewed perception oriented toward false happiness for happiness' sake?

No thanks...not unless you mean to balance it out with a healthy does of cynicism.

btw...happiness is joy's slow to learn cousin. Which would you prefer?
01:10 PM on 08/13/2011
Be happy kids even though the adults have spent every nickel you will ever make providing goodies for themselves.
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crom14
10:14 AM on 08/13/2011
I was the happy, silly, confident child until the day my parents divorced and went about their life trying to find their happiness..... be very careful in the choice to divorce. It ended my carefree childhood. My new one became anxiety, sadness and stress. It took me years to recover.
Children need to be first in a parents life.
12:16 PM on 09/04/2011
I can relate to you because I am one of those divorced parents. Having grown up in a rather
dysfunctional family, I wanted nothing more than to give my children the "Leave It to Beaver" life that I did not know. My family was precious to me. The year that my husband and I separated
was the most difficult year of my life, filled with fear and confusion. I did not see any of it coming.
It also took me years to recover.

Try to give your parents a break, and realize that they will always love you, no matter what.
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Maezeppa
Happy-Happy Joy-Joy
09:33 AM on 08/13/2011
Is happiness overrated? Some people, studies have shown, cope by low-balling expectations with pessimism in order to manage a sense of failure if things don't pan out for them. For these people, to "think positively", it turns out, is quite stressful.
10:48 AM on 08/17/2011
You can still manage expectations and enjoy cynical sarcasm without having to ground yourself in negativity.
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Maezeppa
Happy-Happy Joy-Joy
11:58 AM on 08/17/2011
Perhaps you and I can. My post wasn't about "cynical sarcasm", however. I've encountered recent data suggesting that "thinking positively" and "envisioning success" is extremely anxiety-producing for a surprisingly significant number of people.
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Randolph Greer
I am a Poet .
07:50 AM on 08/13/2011
With all due respect to the author of this piece, she is all wrong. There is a simple formula for having a lifetime of happiness and this formula is the only thing people need to know. While these items are admirable in themselves, they do not bring you happiness. Here is the lifetime formula for happiness.
The key to this formula is to understand the thing that brings happiness TO YOU. Since each of us is different from one another, This formula must be applied on an individual basis. Each lifetime consists of the element of TIME. You only have a certain amount of LIFE TIME. So , you use this TIME element to apply this formula to your own LIFE TIME. Happiness comes from surrounding yourself with the people and things which bring you the "Gift of Happiness."All you have to do in life is to MAXIMIZE the amount of LIFE TIME you spend in the presence of the people and things which bring you this "Gift" and MINIMIZE the amount of LIFE TIME you spend in the presence of those people and things which bring you MISERY. Every day, hour, minute, or second you surround yourself with MISERY, you cannot be HAPPY. Every day, hour, minute, and second you surround yourself with he people you LOVE and who LOVE you, doing and experiencing the things you enjoy, YOU SHALL BE HAPPY. In the end, YOU and YOU ALONE shall provide your own "Gift of Happiness" to YOURSELF.
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woodnthrifty
08:41 AM on 08/13/2011
Also not easy to do when you are poor and your choices are next to nil as to where you live and who you surround yourself with and what job, etc. etc. All one can control in some situations is ones mental attitude toward a bleak situation.
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crom14
10:22 AM on 08/13/2011
So agree. A few weeks ago as I drove into a very poor area of town on a 100 degree day I was sad to see these poor people sitting around on the porch trying to stay cool. Their homes were sad, every night a shooting or some violence, so feeling safe isn't a given. I was struck by the thought that it must be SO hard to be happy in this way of life.
My friend is a teacher in this area of town and said last year in her class, each student moved at least twice and each one had a family member killed, stabbed, in jail or murdered. Just how happy can they feel?
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09:41 PM on 08/17/2011
Hiya Randolph, I can hear what you are saying, my take is that everyone has to go through character development, which means if we want a pleasant disposition, we have to work within ourselves on things like: anger, arguing, complaining, rudeness, meanness, judging, accusing...etc.

The world contains both good and bad, and it is cheating if we only associate just with the good, the bad things are there to test and hone our character, so that where ever we go, or what ever we do, we can radiate peace and love which is true happiness
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Randolph Greer
I am a Poet .
10:11 PM on 08/17/2011
Unfortunately, most people do not possess those qualities or characteristics as you know. My point is that no person should waste a minute of their life time being unhappy in order to "radiate peace and love" to those who have neither. I have no objection if people wish to sacrifice some of their own happiness to do as you suggest. I just wanted them to know they always have a choice. In fact, CHOICE is the only instrument God gave us in this life. I applaud everyone who makes a decision concerning their own life. It is, after all, theirs alone to make.