(That's Colonel Meow on the left, Henri, sur la droite, and Tard, below. Images courtesy of their respective handlers).
Colonel Meow is annoyed and in need of a Scotch (hold the soda). Henri, Le Chat Noir (aka The Existentialist) is not necessarily annoyed -- he is more -- how you say -- "perturbed." And contrary to the look on her face, Tard, the Grumpy Cat, is actually thrilled.
And with good reason.
These three felines are the most outspoken cats in the biz these days -- and their numbers prove it. For example, Henri currently has 64,000 Facebook likes and over eight million views on YouTube, not to mention a book coming out next April aptly entitled Henri, Le Chat Noir: The Existential Musings of an Angst-Filled Cat.
Colonel Meow (who is listed on Facebook as an "Entertainer") has 91,000 likes but is way behind Henri on YouTube with a mere viewership of 293,000.
Tard (formerly known as "Tardar Sauce") has nearly 26,000 Facebook likes, but on the flip side, has accumulated a whopping five million for her video of extreme belly rubbing.
Maru, who made boxes almost as funny as those kings of cardboard, Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg -- is the feline master though when it comes to viewership: He currently holds steady at 180 million views on YouTube .
While Maru was unavailable for comment, (same goes for Karl Lagerfeld's beloved Choupette) the aforementioned kitty trinity was more than happy to weigh in on some of the current issues facing our nation. Between naps, (which amounts to approximately 23.4 hours of their respective days) Henri, Tard and Colonel Meow held nothing back on cat breading, dog shaming, and Mr. Winkle.
A not so willing victim. (Courtesy of CatBreading.org)
Have you done it, even in secret?
Henri: A cheap joke at the cost of dignity. Also a waste of bread.
Colonel Meow: Why does this exist? What is the point? Why not cheese? I eat cheese. Doesn't that seem more appropriate as where I would drape myself with a product that I so love?
Tard: No, I have never done cat breading -- not even secretly. I mean, is there some sort of stimulation from this that I do not know about? Should I try it??!!
A recent canine, shamed. (Courtesy of dogshaming.tumblr.com)
Why do you think this phenomenon hasn't branched out into the feline community? Is there any famous dog you'd really like to shame (or even a local one?)
Henri: When they came to shame the dogs, I said nothing. Now, they are coming to shame the cats. The only time we should act in solidarity with our canine brethren is in the face of such blatant and disrespectful propaganda.
Colonel Meow: Dog shaming is for dogs because they are pathetic creatures who "care." I, for one, am not ashamed of anything. Yeah, I took a dump in your slippers. I even told the neighbor cat next door and we high-fived. Yep, that was me that puked on your bed. You deserved it. You didn't feed me on time yesterday. Maybe you'll learn somethin' from this. Oh, did I pee on your socks? Look at my litter box. It's disgusting. You're the one who should be ashamed. And I don't need to shame "Boo" the dog. He does that enough by wearing sweaters when it's sunny out.
Tard: Dog shaming is hilarious! Dogs are always looking for trouble! I'd like to shame the two dogs that live with me, Shaggy and Honey, for treating my litter box like a candy dish full of tootsie rolls. Hahahahaha!! Also, they ate 37 of the neighbors chickens and cost my owner $700 and didn't bring me back a single wing!!!
Oh No They Didn't! (Courtesy of hurly-burly.com.au)
Are you familiar with this? Would you ever pose for something like this? Do you find it erotic or perhaps, exotic?
Henri: I am focused on the greatest philosophical issues of our time, not trivialities such as that. I'll check out the link later and get back to you.
Colonel: I knew porn was the number one thing searched on the internet and cats ranked second. But if this is a hybrid of combining the two, I'm not sure what to think. Shall humans be turned on when they look at kitties cuz they suddenly think of titties? If someone comments they are looking at my pictures with their pants off...I will blame this site.
Tard: Oh my cattiness! No, I don't normally look at these things....but it is still better than seeing violence. I see my personal snapshots are on this link already...um...does my butt look big in the second picture?
Fun times. (Courtesy of Icanhas.cheezburger.com)
In your mind, is this passé? What would you like your LOLcat to say?
Henri: I live with a cat known as l'imbecile blanc (the white idiot), and I can say that the broken, moronic English displayed on that site perfectly captures the communication level of the lesser of the feline species. Unfortunately, it perpetuates the idea that we all speak like that, and, of course, the regrettable phenomenon known as "baby talk".
Colonel Meow: If there is a demand, it is not passé. Why else are you doing this article? Because it's "old news"? No. We cats are in your face. Demanding attention. Demanding respect. Demanding authority. Demanding world domination. Why? Cuz it's possible. And my "LOLcat" would say this: I'm not laughing.
Tard: How can I say they are passe when I am a celebrity guest judge for their icanhascats t shirt design contest!!? ;) I want my LOLcat to say, "I did an interview once, it was awful."
Any thoughts on him?
Henri: All dogs are stuffed animals.
Colonel Meow: Who's Mr. Winkle? Sounds like someone who is a waste of time.