Obama and Ant Traps: the Feminist Candidate
Obama got my attention with ant traps -- not the 2004 convention speech many view as a model of eloquence. True, "We worship an awesome God in the blue states" did a masterful job of returning the word "awesome" from its tawdry place in contemporary culture to its original meaning. But it was The Audacity of Hope that first really struck me -- as much for its stories as for its policy discussions. With remarkably unpolitical openness, Obama wrote about the strain that becoming a senator had put on his marriage. He had married a woman as tough and as smart as he is, and both were committed to equal balance -- hard enough, as we know, with normal jobs, but when one partner is commuting to the U.S. Senate, and the other is keeping the home fires burning while keeping up a fast-paced career of her own, things can get rough. The Senator described the night he proudly called home to tell his wife about a bill he'd cosponsored to restrict black-market arms sales, eager to share his success with the woman he loves. Michelle's response was simple: "We have ants in the kitchen. And the bathroom upstairs." He'd better remember to pick up ant traps on the way home from Washington, because she would be busy taking the children to a doctor's appointment after school. Obama concludes the story bemused, but exhausted: "I hung up the receiver, wondering if Ted Kennedy or John McCain bought ant traps on the way home from work."
This is a man with his feet on the ground, in love with a woman who's determined to keep them there. It is a very new place to be. Some women played professional roles in earlier eras, but if they had families, they had servants to handle the details. We are the first to struggle (and try not to fight!) over who picks up the children and organizes the carpools, to fret over whether the groceries will be unpacked in time for someone to cook them, and on top of all that we are now learning how to recycle. We are the first to hope we are not missing our children's recitals on some days and underperforming in our jobs on others, to scout out time, just occasionally, to remember why we fell in love with the person who is juggling the balls alongside us. We are the first generation to think about ant traps.
I believe we have too many identities to vote for just one of them. I'd no more support a candidate because she was a woman than because she was Jewish or went to Harvard or was born in Georgia or had twins, any of a number of biographical features that might link me to a random stranger. But if I were only voting as a woman, Obama would be a terrific choice, and feminists who see him as just another guy need to look closer. The Obama family is what the best of modern middle America is trying to be - and they're all the more appealing because they acknowledge that they're still trying to figure it all out too.
This is not the time to wonder how Hillary would have handled the ant traps. I suspect she would have pressed her lips together and done it all herself while finishing her day at the office, taking the kids to the doctor and whipping up dinner on the side -- as so many women who supported her have been doing all along. I wasn't married to a man who picked up the ant-traps, but I expect my daughters will be, and my son seems to view that kind of thing as normal. Millions of Americans are working hard and trying to live by the new rules about love and fairness, and raise children who will do it better than we. Imagine them growing up with the Obamas as First Family: a father who worked his way up to Harvard and still kept his street creds and never seems happier than when hugging his children; a mother whose gorgeous looks never undercut but only underscore her powerful will and intelligence; two lovely girls trying to figure out whether to wave shyly to a crowd or to hide in their parents' arms, and whose initial interest in their father's campaign was the promise they would get a puppy at the end of it. (How many working mothers have had hearts and sleeves tugged by a child's plea for a pet, while wondering how we could possibly manage to care for one more living being?) When Malia and Sasha are in the White House, accompanied by their choice of puppy, every American family involved in the balancing act will have reason to feel proud - and supported as we've never been before.
Susan Neiman is the author of Moral Clarity: A Guide for Grown-up Idealists.
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I'd believe this article a little more if Obama hadn't called that reporter, "sweetie." I guess there's one way to treat your spouse and a very different way you treat other women trying to do their jobs.
Would you have preferred it if Obama had borrowed the "C" word from McCain and said that to the reporter instead?
I don't remember the reporter ever saying that SHE was offended by the remark.
If I obsessed over such trivialities, I would never walk into a diner or a bistro, where it's very common to be asked "What are you having today SWEETIE?" or "Anything else for you SWEETIE?"
But then again, I do have more important things to obsess about like, trying to estimate the optimal time when I should put more gas in the tank BEFORE the price for a gallon of gas increases yet once again.
no. but are those the only two alternatives when addressing women? i don't think so. two wrongs don't make a right.
here's an interesting article from the Boston Globe on Sen Obama's work in Chicago:
http://www
If there had been lots of instances of this, I'd be more concerned. It's true that "sweetie" is a bit unusual -- I'm not sure where the folks who say it happens all the time in diners actually live. I've been called "hon" a lot (I am a guy), but I don't recall ever hearing an adult woman addressed as "sweetie" in a diner. (Also, of course, all of those diner references are made by women, not men). The places I've heard "sweetie" or "honey" or "babe" have tended to be auto shops and bars (addressing the waitress).
ON THE OTHER HAND, I have two sons, and for some years had a step-daughter between them in age, and I have occasionally called one of the boys "sweetie". This was unintentional, as you may imagine. Senator Obama, living in an all-female household (with at least two "sweeties"), can, I think, be allowed one or two brain-glitches of this sort. He did apologize, I believe, even though the reporter was apparently not offended.
As a former Clintonista, now turned Obamanaut (I am a Democrat), I consider several other aspects of his primary campaign to be far more problematic than "sweetie". He seems to be a solid, pro-equality guy who made one -- count them, one -- verbal slip.
CindyV, I've got my own problems with this article, but I suggest that one "sweetie" out of thousands of reporters may not be huge cause for soncern.
I think it's sweet that you call your sons sweetie. They probably blush, but I bet they'll remember it all their lives.
I have wondered if this is what he calls his daughters and his wife. Would be easy to slip up in the heat of a busy moment. Remember when you called you kindergarten teacher mom?
What a silly thing to say.
If what you say is true, then what will he say to a foreign leader in the middle of REALLY busy, pressured times? Now I AM scared!
Your comparing a presidential candidate to me in kindergarten is just laughable.
You know, for a while there I called EVERONE "sweetie", much to my chagrin. It took me a few months to beat that bad habit, after having been called on it by someone who objected. Not such a big deal, darlin'.
I think that the habit expanded and became ingrained because I was newly in love, and everyone seemed like a sweetie, and as far as I'm concerned, his blurting of it endeared Obama to me, rather than the opposite, as it seems to undoubtedly have originated the same way mine did, and the picture of him calling his wife and/or daughters "sweetie" warms my heart.
The fact that he was willing to admit error and correct his ways, endeared him even more to me.
Anyway, did this happen continuously, or did "sweetie" slip out of his mouth just once? Pick your fights, Sister. I truly cannot imagine McSame calling ANYONE "sweetie", not even his wife!
Peace, Hippy Nana
I love the article. One of the things I like about the Obama family is their natural way to relate to each other. They have a great chemistry together and when they are together it is not fake, they really love each other. On the other hand, I do not seem to see this chemistry between McCain and his wife. I really believe Obama respect women (he was raised by a single mother so he had a great example). I can not wait to see him and his family in the White House.
His mom re-married or became involved with another man, and Obama was raised by a man and a woman in Indonesia. It's a compelling narrative, but it doesn't mean he can't have sexist tendencies.
His mother remarried an Indonesian man and Barack lived there for four years. Over the span of his life, his stepfather had little to do with raising him. And what in the world does having a stepfather for a short period have to do with sexist tendencies????? Anyway, Barack doesn't. He is extremely respectful of his grandmother, his mother, his sister, his wife, and his two daughters.
Cute stories aside, I'm quite willing to believe that Senator Obama loves his family and is pro-equality (of which pro-feminism is a substantial component). So, indeed, are millions of other men and women of all ages. I am sixty, and I can assure you I have my own repertroire of "ant-trap" stories.
Further, I completely agree that no one should feel compelled to vote for any candidate because of race/gende
I have a question for you, however. It is now the general election campaign. Why, in your article, did you decide to contrast Michelle Obama's actual ant-trap story with a hypothetical Hillary Clinton ant-trap story? Senator Obama is no longer running against Senator Clinton. If the intent of your article was to persuade former Clinton supporters to switch to Obama, I don't believe that making gentle fun of her, or suggesting that men and women of her generation weren't also "trying to figure it out", is the most effective approach.
I can only speak for myself, but I felt vaguely insulted.
I didn't see it that way at all. I think the point was that in slightly older generations, such as Hillary's, the women did it all, because picking up ant traps for the house was part of "women's work". I don't think it was an insult to her, simply a statement that she comes from a generation when the women had to do it all, because that was the expectation. Obama comes from a generation where men are taking a larger part of the work of the family, not just bringing home the bacon and getting to be "king of his castle". Men today, if they are decent and respectful of women, sometimes pick up ant traps on their way home from work...eve
If anything I think it was respectful to acknowledge that Hillary Clinton likely DID do it all.
Absolutely agree with your take... it was meant respectfully.
That's the way I saw it too.
The idea that men are taking more parts of the family is B.S. I'm a man, and I know how little work my fellow men do around their homes. This is pie-in-the sky. Again, what were your thoughts after reading Living History--since campaign bios like Audacity of Hope (possibly ghostwritten) are so insightful.
II am a member of one of those "slightly older generations"; in fact, I am the same age as Senator Clinton. I was picking up ant traps (or whatever) on the way home from work -- or sometimes making a special trip home -- thirty years ago. So were many of my friends. So were our wives, because we were all competent.
"I suspect she would have pressed her lips together and done it all herself while finishing her day at the office, taking the kids to the doctor and whipping up dinner on the side -- as so many women who supported her have been doing all along." You can read this as "respectful to acknowledge that Hillary Clinton likely DID do it all." I read it as "She was afraid to assert herself as a feminist, just like all those women who have been supporting her".
My original point was that this article is a great article for Obama supporters; maybe not so great for former Clinton supporters. I'm pretty sure that Senator Obama is well out there on the pro-equality curve. Why mention Senator Clinton (that is, "Hillary") at all? We're running against Senator McCain now, right?
I just don't think that the best way to persuade former Clintonistas to support Obama is to portray him as more "evolved" than Clinton and everyone of her generation. Even if you believe it's true.
Cheers.
Thank you Susan for a really fulsome and wholesome appraisal of Obama's strengths as a pro-feminist man; he doesn't mouth it, but he does live it. What I found especially unfortunate about the Democratic primary season was the illusion that one candidate was pro-woman an the other was anti-woman. Unfortunately, in our world of dichotomies and divide and conquier it was easy for one candidate to claim ownership of "feminism". There are many men, Barack included, that love and respect women and are struggling to get it right. Thank you for illustrating that in our next president who, as it happens, will be a man.
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