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Susan Orlins

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If Your Daughters Have Ever Deemed You 'Annoying', You're Not Alone

Posted: 08/04/11 03:46 PM ET

I've been annoying ever since my three daughters (current ages 23, 24, 28) were old enough to tell me so. How annoying am I now? Let me count the ways.

Annoying by repeating myself:

"Mom, you're so annoying! You've told me that ten times!"

Annoying with too many questions:

Just after exchanging I love you's and mwah's at the end of a phone convo, suddenly a string of questions spills out of my mouth like bubbles from a wand.

"What are you up to later?"

"Did you get your exam back?"

"By the way, is so-and-so doing better?"

Annoying with tangents instead of adhering to linear discourse:

My daughter enters the room. "So what happened?" she'll ask. Then I'll say, "blahblah-tangent-blahblah" and she'll say, "But what happened?" This goes on for a while until finally she begs, "Can you get to the point?"

Annoying with too much problem solving:

The time I bought phyllo dough (wrong in the first place, hadn't known it was different from puff pastry), I hadn't thought to defrost it, and my daughter needed it to make onion tarts and it would take hours to defrost. So I jumped on the Internet and began trying solutions like hot water and the microwave and my own idea of wrapping it up and placing it underneath our sleeping beagle.

Annoying when I pose too many options:

"What should we do now? We can bike or play Boggle. Or play Boggle then bike or bike then play Boggle." Now, mix bike and Boggle with all the permutations of the other options, like watch a movie, do a jigsaw puzzle, walk the dog in the woods, have quiet time reading by the fire, paint by number, cook, bake, mani pedi, go to the Shanghainese café . . .

Annoying when I talk too much about my writing & give too much advice:

Since I write around 4 articles a week, some that offer advice, nearly everything relates to something I've written. I try to hold back on my Know-It-All, but still I'm annoying.

Annoying when I exhibit neediness:

Say my daughter is coming home to DC because an old friend will be also coming to town. She plans to stay overnight. I point out that it's a weekend, never intending to pressure her, but just in case she hadn't noticed and might want to stay longer. Exhibiting neediness and annoying.

Annoying by asking, "Am I being too annoying?":

Just recently I was in a high-end pizza place with one of my daughters. I asked the waiter where my salad was. He said I hadn't ordered it, which was true, as I'd gotten over-involved in the details of my pizza order (tomatoes on the side, undercooked, etc.).

I cheerfully said he could bring the salad any time it's ready. Somewhere in here my daughter thought he was upset with me, so I tried to be uber-friendly and my daughter told me he was laughing at me not with me. And then I wanted to say something to fix it and she told me to "just stop." Ordinarily I would ask her if I was too annoying, but it was so obvious.

Annoying with excessive worry:

Maybe you've read this before in one of my articles (annoying), but one daughter has asked me not to hug her every time she leaves the house like I'll never see her again.

Annoying with absent-mindedness:

When was the last time I didn't have to make a trip from the checkout line to the car for the reusable grocery bags? Never.

Perhaps most annoying of all, bedbug talk"

Now that I've instilled the fear of the Lord re: these dreaded insects, I've been banned from mentioning them. But sometimes it's imperative to point out a new risk, such as after I read they could be hiding in the battery compartment of the TV remote control.

However . . .

In defense of my ways, whenever it's possible to self-correct, I do. After asking my daughter if the cool guy she met at a party ever called and she said I was annoying and that she was never going to tell me about anyone again, I never asked about anyone again, except maybe once, and so she resumed telling me about this guy and that guy.

My optimist presumes I have some good qualities to offset my annoyingness because, despite how irksome I can be, my daughters remain loving and close.

Do let me know in what ways you are annoying . . . chances are it's something I've overlooked mentioning about myself.

See more of my articles on Huff Po, Confessions of a Worrywart and on Home Goes Strong.

 

Follow Susan Orlins on Twitter: www.twitter.com/susanorlins

 
 
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04:28 PM on 08/07/2011
I think that if I had said to my mother I found her annoying, she would have looked at me right in the eyes and told me :"And you think YOU are so interesting/wise/insighful, right?" And that would have been the end of it.
02:45 PM on 08/06/2011
Don't worry dear my daughters are annoyed by my waking up every morning. I know I am widowed and have ephysema but gosh a kind word would be nice every year or two. I'm being serious. I was tring to have another son when I ended up with a hand full of daughters. If this happens to you STOP: GOD is trying to tell you something....like he did your son right the first time...he doesn't need to replace him twice.
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YakittyGirl
Pro deo et patria
04:33 PM on 08/06/2011
If your daughters are actually annoyed because you wake up every morning, that is very sad. I hope that you are mistaken but do understand about ungrateful kids. Is there any possibility that you mention your widowhood and health problems too often to your daughters? I have no idea--I'm just wondering out loud.
01:11 PM on 08/06/2011
I think once the cervix opens up, worry begins and annoying is a given. LOL

I think being annoying in genera, l is usually a manifestation of worry. Worry what are children will do and worry what other will do to our children.

Drink anyone? LOL
01:03 PM on 08/06/2011
How about we, as parents, turn this around and tell the little darlings how annoying they are to us......we have to spend our money on special clothes, football practice when they will never be a decent player, extra food when their friends come over, etc, etc. How would they feel about that?
Trapped in Paradise
Sitting in Traffic Near A Beach in The Bahamas
01:30 PM on 08/06/2011
But then we'd be mean. lol.
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YakittyGirl
Pro deo et patria
04:37 PM on 08/06/2011
I'm with you on that. Fanned and faved. It costs so much money to get kids through school and I'm not even thinking of college. My granddaughter wanted to be a cheerleader but at her school here in California, it costs $900 for uniforms and other related expenses. My son doesn't have that kind of money.
12:57 PM on 08/06/2011
They are control freaks. I just laugh at my daughter when she say annoying things,lol...
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crazyryou
Spinnin' wheel, got to go 'round...
12:29 PM on 08/06/2011
I found out through a tweet that the recent trip to the mall was not fun for my daughter. I really don't know what I did to warrant that comment, but it must just be because I am her mother and was at the mall at the same time with her. How uncool is that?
11:38 AM on 08/06/2011
My daughter is 14. I breath too loudly. I cough too loudly. I chew my food too loudly. Any correction of her behavior is considered "yelling" even when administered the the calmest of manners. I cannot sing or dance to any current songs, and if I do I'm asked to please act my age.
11:55 AM on 08/06/2011
Oh wow. We have the same daughter!! :)
01:17 PM on 08/06/2011
LOL This made me laugh.. I hear you sista.... My daughter says

I sneeze to loud
I cough to loud
I eat with my mouth open
I talked to loudly -apparently I can't whipser in a movie theater anymore. LOL

Wait..... arern't all off the above signs of getting older, not just being annoying?

Oh wait. I pee when I sneeze too. Yup. I'm not only annoying, but I'm growing older.

Shoot. What's next? Hard Candy?
01:23 PM on 08/06/2011
Too, two to.... dammit! lol This must annoy my daughter too!
10:37 AM on 08/06/2011
Mothers are annoying. My mom annoys the hell out of me. I have a feeling I'm going to annoy my daughters too, by saying things a million times because THEY DON'T LISTEN AND I'M ALWAYS RIGHT.
11:56 AM on 08/06/2011
I promised I wouldn't be like my mother (89) who constantly annoyed me .. my daughter is now 21, I am 54 ... I have to catch myself because a few times she has said to me "don't be Nan, mom" ...
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Ossit
Ossit
02:27 PM on 08/06/2011
AmyKO. Parents DO know a hell of a lot more than you. You don't like it, then MOVE OUT and see how easy it isn't out there! Kids don't listen because they think they're know-it-alls until they need somethng. Parents ARE always right. They've been through things. Your daughters will thank you FOR annoying them. At least they'll bother to pay attention and care enough TO annoy. Spoiled brat.
06:11 PM on 08/06/2011
Um, parents actually aren't always right. I'm a kid and I have seen my parents be wrong and it has actually made me feel better. It doesn't make them less of an authority figure, and I still listen (mostly...). It makes them human and not freakishly perfect, like God or something.
10:26 AM on 08/06/2011
Here's what annoys teenagers - when a parent seems too desperate in any way. Desperate to know what happened at the party. Desperate for a follow up on a previous conversation. Desperate to make a preemptive strike against bedbugs with overkill. Desperate to know everything really quickly by asking a million questions. Desperate to make their lives all about YOU - talking talking talking. Being too pushy about everything. You are acting like the dork who wants to be accepted into the cool crowd. The one who just doesn't get it. Just be cool and act normal when your kids are around and they will respect you more and like talking to you.
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crazyryou
Spinnin' wheel, got to go 'round...
01:38 PM on 08/06/2011
Your perception pf 'desperation' sounds more like someone is worrying. Granted there are some who live vicariously through their children, but most want what is best and most don't want their children to go through the heartache of learning the facts of life the hard way. So we try to instill that knowledge and gain knowledge by talking, talking, and questioning.
09:35 AM on 08/06/2011
Some people are just plain irksome! The just cannot seem to help themselves. lol
This user has chosen to opt out of the Badges program
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manntxs
I opted out cause I don't need no stinkin badges.
09:18 AM on 08/06/2011
I for one wish my mother were still able to be here to annoy me. She was, at times, very good at it and I would love for her to have that chance.
frank1946
Tell the Truth
08:51 AM on 08/06/2011
Children believe that the World just happens !

A Home, Bed, Food, Cheerleading..............it just Happens !

No wonder we want to raise Taxes on the Rich !
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HUFFPOST BLOGGER
Sybil Sage
www.sybilsage.com
07:28 AM on 08/06/2011
Well, you're certainly not annoying to your peers. When our son was a young and inexperienced 10-year-old, my husband and I were walking him to an inter-school dance (his first such social experiment). Two blocks from the school where it was being held, he let go of our hands, announcing, "I'll go the rest of the way myself."

"Why?" I asked, shocked by this sudden display of independence. "Is there something we do that embarrasses you?"

His answer was, "It's just embarrassing to have parents."
11:03 PM on 08/06/2011
Oh Wow... that made me laugh i can't lie. Don't worry one day your son will have children and i'm sure they'll be a big bundle of karma. I know I was to my mum. everything she did and said to her mum, i did the same thing and my Grandma just sits on the sidelines egging me on because she finds it hilarious.
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mhsden
We are They. Your vote counts !
05:51 AM on 08/06/2011
Enjoy moms annoying things there will come a time when you will miss it trust me when shes gone her little annoying habits will be come storys to rember so hug a way people you will be glad you did in stead of living with the I SHOULDA WOUDLA COULDA but I was to annoyed you will regret it ! that gos for dads to : )
05:29 AM on 08/06/2011
Civility means making others areound you comfortable in your presence. To deliberately annoy others? You figure it out.