Huffpost Comedy

Featuring fresh takes and real-time analysis from HuffPost's signature lineup of contributors

Susan Orlins Headshot

Confessions of a Lowbrow

Posted: Updated:

I like Oprah not Opera.
Country not Classical.
I prefer Silence to any Music at all.

I choose Breakfast at Tiffany's over My Dinner With Andre.
I'm all about Story, not at all about History.

Some words whose meanings I never retain
Are insipid, insidious and Machiavellian.

I'd rather eat turkey than go to Turkey.
Or Albequerque.

I'd rather watch Survivor on TV
Than Shakespeare, who baffles me.

How does anyone grasp what Shakespeare states?
I have the same problem with the Williams, Wordsworth and Butler Yeats.
Is it like "The Emperor's New Clothes"
Whereby no one knows what he claims he knows?

I love movies with Meg Ryan
Or Doris Day.
And I'd rather play in the snow
Than go to a play.

I like Grandma Moses
And Norman Rockwell.
Children's art is also swell.

Neither lowbrow nor highbrow is this:
I relate to the wits
Of a 23-year-old Miss
Whose blue dress with a cum stain
In her closet remained.
With that souvenir, I'd've done same.

Once at an auction in '97
A friend and I bought lunch
With journalist Fineman.
When I said what I said about Lewinsky's blue dress
He looked up from his soup (at me) in distress
Like he'd bitten hard into an olive, with a pit no less.

Why am I telling you this?
It gives me neither pride nor shame.
It's just who I am.
But I wonder if I'm all alone
Peering into a smartypants zone.

I wonder about you
Whether you have lowbrow confessions too.
Do let me know
In the comments below.

Confessions of a Worrywart: Husbands, Lovers, Mothers, and Others                                                 

Check it out on Amazon, Kindle, or Smashwords.

And visit my blog, Confessions of a Worrywart.