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Susan Pease Gadoua
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Susan Pease Gadoua is the co-author with Vicki Larson of, The New I Do, Reshaping Marriage for Skeptics, Realists and Rebels (September 2014), and author of Contemplating Divorce, A Step-by-Step Guide to Deciding Whether to Stay or Go (August 2008), and Stronger Day by Day: Reflections for Healing and Rebuilding After Divorce (July 2010) as well as, The Top Ten Misguided Reasons to Stay in a Bad Marriage (March 2013). Susan is a licensed therapist based in the San Francisco Bay Area with an expertise in marriage and divorce.

She has appeared on television, radio and print, including The CBS Early Show and publications such as The Wall Street Journal, USA Today, Psychology Today, and Divorce Magazine.

In addition to her private practice, Susan provides client consultations via Skype or phone and teaches therapists about divorce. Susan also trains therapists in her Phoenix Method of Divorce Recovery TM and is available to speak at conferences and symposiums on the topics of Contemplating Divorce, Emotional Divorce and Divorce Recovery. For more information about consultations, classes, public speaking or trainings, visit:

For more information about The New I Do, visit or order it on Amazon at:

Entries by Susan Pease Gadoua

Consider One of These Three Alternatives to Filing for Divorce

(0) Comments | Posted January 6, 2015 | 5:21 PM

One of the benefits of cleaning out my inbox was the fact that I found an email from a year ago that I had totally forgotten about. It included a CNN article that I was interviewed for called, "In January, 'ex' marks the spot," written by Sarah LeTrent....

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Should We Bring Marriage Into Our Love Lives?

(1) Comments | Posted December 25, 2014 | 6:42 PM

I once wrote an article about how love fits into marriage but after co-writing, The New I Do, Reshaping Marriage for Skeptics, Realists and Rebels, with Vicki Larson, I realize that a better question to ask is how our outdated paradigm applies to the way people...

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A Brand New Perspective on How to Make Your Loveless Marriage Work

(10) Comments | Posted November 24, 2014 | 9:11 AM

What do you do when you feel that the love you once shared with your mate has disappeared with no possibility of revival, but you adore your children and can't imagine spending even one day apart from them?

Until now, the options have been:

1. Stay miserable in your...

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Don't Just Sit There and Watch Marriage Die a Slow Death: Help Us Change It!

(0) Comments | Posted October 1, 2014 | 5:18 PM

The most dangerous phrase in the language is, "We've always done it that way."

Marriage, in its current state, is not working.

Don't believe me? Look at the stats. With anywhere from a 40 percent to 50 percent divorce rate (depending on who you talk to) and a 23...

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Why It Might Be Good That Those Who Marry Are Getting More 'Self' Centered

(1) Comments | Posted September 15, 2014 | 2:18 PM

I just read yet another article describing those who choose not to marry as selfish and it made me mad.

For generations, the word on the street has been that those who marry are interested in giving to others (i.e. to their children and spouse) and those who remain...

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Are Millennials Causing Marital Mayhem?

(4) Comments | Posted August 7, 2014 | 12:56 PM

The word is out: Millennials are changing the rules for marriage.

As a result, Americans like Boston Globe columnist, Tom Keane, are worried that marriage is dying a slow death. He's nervous because millennials are not getting married until they are well established in their lives. The institution...

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Three Reasons You Should Never Marry for Love

(128) Comments | Posted November 18, 2013 | 5:26 PM

People who don't marry for love in our culture are considered unlucky, suspect, manipulative, exploitative, and bad. From our perspective, they are either doing something wrong or there is something wrong with them. It makes us feel a range of emotions for them -- everything from sympathy to contempt, because...

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An Open Letter To Divorce Therapists

(49) Comments | Posted November 4, 2013 | 4:48 PM

Dear Colleague,

If you are a therapist who has ever had a client who was contemplating divorce, smack in the middle of a divorce, or still reeling from post-divorce issues, please answer these important questions:

1. Do you believe that if you "help" couples get divorced, that constitutes "aiding and...

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Are You an 'Innie' or 'Outtie'?

(110) Comments | Posted September 16, 2013 | 12:14 PM

The story that always breaks my heart is when someone who has been married for many years (usually her entire adult life) is faced with divorce and she has absolutely no clue about the couple's financial picture. This is called being the "Out-Spouse," and it's far more often the woman...

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In Your Facebook! The Role of Social Media in Making Breaking Up Both Harder and Easier

(0) Comments | Posted July 29, 2013 | 5:47 PM

How It's Harder to Break Up

Even 15 short years ago, breakups were not as challenging as they are today. This is due, in large part, to the proliferation of photos and social media postings we now enjoy every day to memorialize even the most insignificant moments.

Many of...

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Sign This, Or Else! How Prenup Powerplays Prevail

(1) Comments | Posted May 22, 2013 | 10:34 AM

Would you go into a corporate partnership with someone who told you that, in order to "seal the deal," you had to sign a partnership agreement that protected mainly their interests? Would you squelch the small voice within that wanted to question their actions and their motives? Would you feel...

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Are You Better Off Talking to Someone You Don't Know About Your Troubled Marriage?

(16) Comments | Posted April 4, 2013 | 12:47 PM

What do Alcoholics Anonymous, a suicide prevention hotline, and confession have in common? They all entail telling your problems to people you don't know (or know well).

But isn't that what friendships are for? Your friends turn to you and you to them in times of need? As the...

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Can Divorce Bring Out Your Best Talents? One Woman's Sweet Success Story

(2) Comments | Posted February 22, 2013 | 2:18 PM

What do you do when you find yourself a divorced single mom with no income?

You go out and look for a job, of course!

In 1982, that's exactly what Bonnie Tempesta did. A native of the Bay Area, Tempesta was overwhelmed with fear and the responsibility of starting a...

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Why Seeing A Therapist Might Be Dangerous For Your Marriage

(399) Comments | Posted February 1, 2013 | 2:40 AM

Like all therapists, when I do my job well, clients go away. These people ideally feel better than when they first walked into my office because of our work together -- work that may consist of changing their relationship with themselves, seeing aspects of their lives from a different perspective,...

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Dreaming of a White-Knuckle Christmas: Twelve Dos and Twelve Don'ts for Getting Through Relatively Unscathed

(6) Comments | Posted December 18, 2012 | 12:20 PM

Last week, a client came in and told me that she was relieved to have checked two of the four year-end holidays off her list -- Halloween and Thanksgiving -- and was now bracing for Christmas and New Year's.

She expressed what many divorcing people feel this time of...

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Where Will You Live After You Leave?

(28) Comments | Posted June 28, 2012 | 1:15 PM

"Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow." -Swedish Proverb

People leaving drug or alcohol addiction treatment have the option to go into what's called "transitional housing." A "sober living environment (SLE)," is designed to help those who have been through in-patient treatment and away from...

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Signs That Your Soon-to-be-Ex May Be a Secret Cash Stasher

(95) Comments | Posted May 16, 2012 | 5:30 AM

Whenever a client tells me that her husband has said, "We don't need lawyers," I become wary. When he is self-employed, I become downright suspicious. If his career is in high finance, my suspicion grows twofold.

My reaction is based on years of seeing this same pattern play out....

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Chinese Woman Wants Out of Marriage and Motherhood

(16) Comments | Posted April 20, 2012 | 8:47 PM

An international news story broke recently about a woman in China who wants to give her two-month-old infant boy up for adoption -- for free -- due to her impending divorce from the boy's father.

The thirty-year-old mother, referred to simply as "Ms. Li," still has to...

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When Is The Right Time To Walk Out On Your Spouse?

(431) Comments | Posted March 10, 2012 | 3:05 AM

Those who have contemplated divorce for a long time have been stuck in what I call the Marital Indecision Cycle™. This is the cycle wherein couples live in a relatively calm routine but, due to hurt feelings or a buried resentment resurfacing, for example, tensions begin to escalate. After a...

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Emotions Can Suck Your Wallet Dry In Divorce

(6) Comments | Posted February 10, 2012 | 12:30 PM

With attorneys charging upwards of $300 or $400 per hour, financial advisors charging thousands, and any other professionals needed adding to the long list of bills, divorce can get very expensive very quickly. I don't know anyone who likes to spend their hard-earned money on a divorce. Yet, according to...

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