Self-help is such a nutty genre. You walk into a bookstore (at least while we're still able to) and find in the self-help section books of the most profound and timeless wisdom imaginable... sitting right next to books containing the most unbelievable crapola.
Believe me, I love self-help. It's my home. My books go in this section, and I am totally down with that. But the genre is moribund. Ten to 15 years ago, it was based on particular authors -- Deepak, Marianne Williamson, Thomas Moore, John Gray -- coming out of the woodwork and captivating zillions of eyeballs with their fresh ideas. Now, for better or worse, the days of superstar self-help authors are over. People are ready to move on to implement the ideas they read about.
No matter how convincing in the moment, once the book goes back on the shelf, we are left with our lives much as they were before reading the book. Real change takes more than discovering someone's very good argument about what happiness means. The truth is, we each have to figure it out for ourselves, and it would be so awesome if publishers would help. But the best some can think of is to go to B- and C-list celebrities -- Jennifer Love Hewitt on relationships, the one-time countess from "Real Housewives of New York" (which I love, don't get me wrong) on manners -- and pick up their sloppy seconds. Capitalizing on celebrity and somehow squeezing their "brand" into something that might be helpful to actual humans is, well, almost reprehensible. Hey, if the celebrity had something magical to say, I'd be all over it, but I just don't think that is the case.
It kills me to know that there are gazillions of people out there who are wondering right now how to love. How to be heard. Whether or not to break up with someone. How to cope with the death of a loved one. How to heal a broken relationship. How to make art. How to know themselves and figure out their purpose. How to create a life of meaning, change the world, cultivate peace, achieve health, and on and on. And these people find, when they go to the self-help section in the bookstore, advice from Janet Jackson and Suzanne Somers. My intent is not to diss anyone; I'm just wondering if this is the best we can do.
My hope, dream and prediction is that finally self-help is going to move away from being author-driven to being topic-driven. Short, pithy, live (meaning constantly being revised and updated and including reader comments) books that are about something very specific that a person may need in the moment: how to tell someone you love them, or ask for a raise or find the courage to write.
Enough with people telling you why their ideas for your life are best. On to books that help you figure your own best ideas. Not my wisdom, yours, so you can change your world -- and then the world. Books can do this, you know.
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If we want to access our own wisdom and the answers that live within each one of us, we have to be willing to stay present to our own process. Full stop. Over here in my tiny corner of the world, I am in conversation every day with individuals who have committed to this journey. It is challenging and it is rewarding. It is not instant or available through anyone or anything outside ourSelf. I invite you to visit my blog @ www.QuintessentialYouDesign.com I think we're on the same page, so to speak ;)
I completely agree with your assessment about self help books. In fact, I think most people know what they need to do they just quit or lose focus to soon. I felt so strongly about it in fact that I created a system named GrowthNotes.com to help guide people through their own discovery and to help them maintain their focus on their goals. It's free so its worth a look.
Ryan Williams
GrowthNotes.com
Chapter One.
Happiness is a choice. Choose to be happy, no matter whether you're living in a mansion, or a tent, own a Rolls Royce or a Ford Escort from 1985. Find happiness in little things that involve humans, not material things. Choose to be happy, and you will be.
Chapter Two
Love, honesty, forgiveness. Practice all three, and expect others around you to do the same. Have high expectations, but recognize that we are all humans, and that high expectations will always fall short. The beauty of this is that no one can always live up to this (including you). But if you practice true FORGIVENESS (not merely apologizing), the mechanism to heal and start over is built-in. Love and honesty carry the rest of it, and are pretty self explanatory. Oh, with this admonition: Love YOURSELF too. You can't love others if you don't love yourself first.
The end.
It's not that hard, and there's no "secrets" that cost $29.95 to 'discover." Be happy, love yourself and others, be honest and forgive people when they screw up (and ask for forgiveness when YOU screw up). Life is so much better when people live this way. My family would undoubtedly agree, as we're all pretty darn happy.
I read all of Martha Beck's books when I was shifting from "someone who pursues her passion in her spare time" to "someone who makes passion her North Star."
I inhaled everything by Byron Katie as I went from "someone who rebels against reality when it doesn't suit her" to "someone who can accept what's happening with joy and curiosity."
Then, when I'm ready to implement and make changes in my life, I prefer to work one-on-one with a coach or mentor so I have the structure I need to follow through.
To combat the tendency, I created a free program named Growth Notes. It is designed to be a daily practice and thus it helps with repetition and reinforcement in a way that books cannot. The system is 100% free (no fees whatsoever). So I would encourage anyone to take a look.
With respect,
Ryan Williams
GrowthNotes.com
100% FREE
Buy yet
another book:
about non-attachment.