Sex Offender- The Label Lasts a Lifetime

I was doing my autumn yard clean-up a few weeks ago when a woman
driving by poked her head out of her car window and shouted to me,
"Hey, did you know you have a registered Level 3 sex offender living
on your street?"

"No," I said, feeling a wave of fear as I imagined the hidden ugliness
of this unknown neighbor, this skulking creature who would commit such
crimes. I asked who it was, and she told me.

My fear dissolved into uncertainty. It was indeed someone I know, just
two houses down, I'll call him "Bob." Bob is a very friendly older man
who lives with his elderly mother. Bob has developmental delays, but
is fairly high-functioning; he has a job and drives a car. I have
known Bob for nearly seven years, ever since we moved in. He has
always been very interested in all five of us, stopping by as he
walked his little dog, asking questions about my three sons, as if
they were his peers. I have once or twice had to tell him that it was
time for him to move on, to gently remind him of appropriate social
boundaries, but there was nothing untoward, and he always understood
what I told him. He never gave me any reason to believe he was a
threat to my family or anyone else's, because although I could see
that he clearly needed some monitoring and guidance here and there, he
was receptive and perceptive enough. I had heard from other neighbors
who had known Bob and his mother for decades that they also helped him
get it right from time to time, and they understood that he had some
problems understanding the gray areas of appropriate behavior.

Feeling very disturbed about this new development, however, I went
nside and did a little research about the sex offender registry in
Massachusetts. I found out that Level 3 offenders are the most likely
to commit their crimes again. I also found out that a sex offender is
an incredibly broad term, that can mean child rapist, or someone who
was trolling the internet for illicit underage relationships. It can
also mean someone who was caught fondling and exposing themselves
publicly. In other words, both convicted rapists and someone who
touches himself inappropriately in public are treated exactly the same
by the registry. I learned that Bob was of the latter category.

I had no difficulty imagining the scenario that got Bob in trouble. I
understand this very well because my oldest son Nat is autistic and
has fairly intense developmental delays. As a teenager Nat has to be
helped daily in understanding appropriate social behavior, including
what kind of touching is okay, and what should be private. When Nat
hit puberty, my husband and I worked with him for nearly two years
helping him understand that there's a time and a place for
everything: in Nat's case, his bedroom, by himself, with the door
closed.

My neighbors and I have long understood that Bob, too, requires a
different but still dedicated support system, a flexible understanding
of his particular issues so that he can continue to be a productive
member of our community. This atmosphere of tolerance and compassion
always made me feel safer living here because I imagined how I would
want neighbors to treat Nat when he was an adult some day. I would
want them to reach out to him and help him, not shun him.

None of my neighbors believe that what Bob did was okay. It was *not*
okay. There should be a consequence, and presumably, there has been
one. Something must absolutely be done to better protect people from
sex offenders. When children - or anyone else- suffer sex abuse, a
part of their lives are taken from them. But we should remember that
sometimes an ill-placed label can take away a life, too: I heard a few
days ago that Bob lost his job at the supermarket because of this. And
yesterday, when we were all outside raking the last of the leaves and
waved at Bob, out with his dog, for the first time in seven years he
did not come over to chat. He just stayed in his yard.