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Susan Shapiro Barash

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Why Husbands Are So Lame on Mother's Day

Posted: 05/04/2012 4:21 pm

Sixty percent of mothers tell me their husbands are awfully annoying and disappointing on Mother's Day. Over sixty-five percent say their husband's faults are more glaring than ever on this one day of the year that's meant to be sacred for mothers. More than seventy percent say that they can't recall the last conversation they had with their husbands that wasn't child-centered. And more than seventy percent report that their husbands are insensitive to how the day is to be planned.

So while enough women complain about their husbands on Valentine's Day, wedding anniversaries and their birthdays, Mother's Day seems to be taking the lead this year in terms of discontent. And it really doesn't matter if your children are three or thirteen, college age or beyond (although usually mothers of toddlers and babies haven't yet become disgruntled).

Reasons Why Husbands Fail Us

  • Somehow, on that one day when everyone is meant to cater to their mothers, husbands are clueless about how to get in the game by catering to their wives. Or why they are pressed into service.
  • Husbands who feel compelled to invite their own mothers on Mother's Day aren't paying attention to their wives' needs. This group of husbands often ruins the day for their wives, depending on the mother-in-law/daughter-in-law deal.
  • Although it's great to be a mother, Mother's Day is a reminder that it's been a very long while since Date Night. And that marriage with children is less than romantic much of the time.
  • It's unlikely that mothers blame their children for the stress in their lives -- because mothers tend to downplay this aspect of parenting. Thus, husbands are the culprits.
  • The main complaint of women with children under sixteen is that the husbands don't pitch in enough. This particularly upsets wives who have had serious conversations with their husbands about shared parenting, to no effect.

Shaping Up the Men

It isn't that mothers don't know that Mother's Day is a commercialized, idealized holiday, one where we tend to hold the bar high and are apt to be let down, even without finding husbands deficient -- it's that husbands could do so much better. For starters, gift shopping with a child (preferably a daughter) in tow works wonders. Add a store bought card or a homemade version, flowers and a box of chocolates to the mix. Husbands who decide to do the dishes, toss the garbage or walk the dog ratchet up their status on Mother's Day. And voilà, a less lame husband who aims to please.

Mothers, do you dread Mother's Day, too? Tell me about your Mother's Day gripes!

 
 
 

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Sixty percent of mothers tell me their husbands are awfully annoying and disappointing on Mother's Day. Over sixty-five percent say their husband's faults are more glaring than ever on this one day of...
Sixty percent of mothers tell me their husbands are awfully annoying and disappointing on Mother's Day. Over sixty-five percent say their husband's faults are more glaring than ever on this one day of...
 
 
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11:34 AM on 05/11/2012
Can you imagine a "Wives Are So Lame On Fathers Day" article, LOL. Sometimes I think women are more sexist than men. Generalizations suck at all times. Well, I'm going to ignore the hostility of the piece and wish all moms a happy mothers day!
03:53 AM on 05/11/2012
We shouldn't make sexist overgeneralizations like this article does.

Also, she's telling the husbands not to invite their mother over on mother's day, instead ignoring her for his wife. Does she not understand the meaning of the holiday?
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Gilbert Albright
09:09 AM on 05/08/2012
Why are most women so lame at just about everything a man can do?
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knowcomment
You keep using that word...
12:32 PM on 05/07/2012
You know, you have 364 days out of the year to make his life a living hell. Let his mother be disappointed in him for one.
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jf12
When I saw her I marveled greatly.
11:51 AM on 05/07/2012
Women will complain regardless. If there is nothing to complain about, they will invent reasons, which turns out to be worse.

The last time we ever tried a breakfast in bed, I mean the whole "everything you like on a tray" surprise, it was on a Mother's Day. Relatively early, because she takes her time getting ready for church. She was cranky, and so our son was crestfallen, and so of course she blamed me for "making" her cranky. I suggest it is avoidance of being crestfallen that causes lameness.
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HUFFPOST BLOGGER
Susan Shapiro Barash
05:05 PM on 05/10/2012
Well, it's always worth trying again because mothers/wives are truly delighted when their husbands do come through on mothers day.
09:59 AM on 05/07/2012
I think it's pathetic in general that anyone needs a specific day of the week to feel appreciated or 'special'.

Mother's day, Father's day, Valentine's day ... Just stupid reasons to feel obligated to spend money.

I appreciate my mother 365 days out of the year, and come mother's day I don't do anything more special than the other 364 days of the year. If you wait for an appointed day before appreciating anyone you care about then you just suck as a person.
08:44 AM on 05/07/2012
I know this is a women-focused site but where are the articles about men who don't feel their wives do enough for them? It's usually about sex, as though women have been conditioned to think men don't appreciate romance. Where are the articles about women who don't do jack for their husbands on valentines day or father's day? Seems like men are taken to task in far greater numbers for not being romantic but women have no such burden. I ask women now, what do you do to make your husband feel special?
02:00 AM on 05/07/2012
Because wives are even lamer.
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WilliamL
08:14 PM on 05/06/2012
The author sd consider using the words-"her husbands" or 'some husbands" instead of bashing all men in her rant that she had not got what she wanted on "mother's day." What a hateful mess.
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see-ellen2001
04:08 PM on 05/06/2012
This really overgeneralizes...in a nasty, snipey way. My brother and daughter celebrate mothers day quite nicely with gifts, flowers and dinner out. And I'm sure others do too. I would think many husbands who flunked Mindreading 101 in high school would be frozen with hesitation at buying anything for fear of reprimands.
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WilliamL
08:23 PM on 05/06/2012
A hatefull mess is what it is
Morrisfactor
Just a little bent
12:46 PM on 05/06/2012
This is a particularly nasty piece of male bashing.

Heck, Mother's Day was an official holiday since 1908, but it wasn't until 1966 that Father's Day was made an official holiday, almost forty years later!

And what do women do for their spouses on Father's Day?

Not half as much as they receive nationwide on Mother's Day - men spend twice as much on their spouses for Mother's Day as women do for Father's Day.
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jf12
When I saw her I marveled greatly.
11:53 AM on 05/07/2012
Women cook their husbands their favorite meal! Just kidding, of course.
09:53 AM on 05/06/2012
If you're bored, get a boyfriend. That way your poor dog can relex that evening with his friends.

"More than seventy percent say that they can't recall the last conversation they had with their husbands that wasn't child-centered."--Well, since most women are socialized to go for the fripperies of life (shopping for yet another pair of shoes) instead of talking about important stuff--sex and wine, notably--it's difficult to find a common topic. That's why living together 24/7 merely because one is married is such a bad idea. It kills the love and respect.
09:19 AM on 05/06/2012
My husband is so nice all year long that I don't expect much for Mother's Day, Valentine's Day, my birthday, or our anniversary. I did TELL HIM how I'd like to be treated for those days. I know that my husband can't read my mind. If I want flowers, I tell him. He'd like to buy me jewelry all the time, but since I rarely wear jewelry I've had to rein him in on the jewelry. Before we both decided we didn't need anything for Christmas I would either take him shopping and point things out to him or give him a list. I talk to my husband and tell him when a behavior is unacceptable or tell him what I'd like.
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MissTake1989
Equal means equal, hypocrites.
03:51 PM on 05/06/2012
Sounds like you have him very well trained.
10:01 PM on 05/06/2012
Then he has me just as well trained. We've been married for over 30 years now and have always treated each other with kindness and consideration.
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Kellybelle22
Medicine. Marriage. Motherhood.
09:08 PM on 05/06/2012
Susan, hon, it's high time you begin wearing things that sparkle and shine again.

I fear you may have violated one of our most revered Female Bylaws by writing the line "I've had to rein him in on the jewelry."
10:04 PM on 05/06/2012
I do wear a little jewelry, at times. We had a house fire almost 12 years ago and most of my jewelry was lost. He has more than replaced what was lost, or what could be replaced.
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MissTake1989
Equal means equal, hypocrites.
08:07 AM on 05/06/2012
This is what happens when too many useless Gender Studies degrees flood the market.

Husband hating becomes an industrial complex.
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beastierider
Lo Kuan-chung
07:21 AM on 05/06/2012
Oh good grief..father's day/mother's day & other days invented purely for commerical reasons...rubbish..every day is mum & dad's day..if you've got parents worth the love & respect they'll always know so & you won't have to try & prove by showering them with material items on that '1 told to you' day..same with your kids..every day is your kids' day too...oh yeah..& Valentine's Day...what commerical jack ups!