If only all extra-marital affairs had such happy endings as those I've recently read about -- case in point, the young couple in Elizabeth Bernstein's "Back to Happily Ever After" in the Wall Street Journal on May 1st. But the truth is, there are varied ways in which these trysts play out and affect a marriage and there are plenty of unfaithful husbands and wives floating around. According to my research, wives are as engaged in these extra marital affairs as are husbands -- even if in our society, we like to think otherwise.
Female infidelity is a topic that I have been researching since the early nineties. In my ongoing study, I've found that more affairs are happening later in a woman's marriage and a woman's reasons for having an affair both concur with and are distinct from a man's reasons. According to my research:
*Wives say their sex lives have dwindled
*Women are out in the workplace and have the opportunity to meet other men
*Wives feel neglected by their husbands and their lovers makes them feel special
*Women have access to men through the Internet (old boyfriends as well as new acquaintances)
*Women unexpectedly fall in love with someone else
Of the wives with whom I've spoken, close to half believe that the 'other man' can actually help them to stay in an unhappy or suboptimal marriage because they find their happiness with the lover. This group of wives who remain with their husbands feels more in touch with their desires in this extra curricular relationship than in their marriages and they no longer feel that life is passing them by.
There are wives who tell me that the affair is the one part of their lives that they can control and in this way they are empowered. And then there are wives who report that they feel more balanced in their marriage because of the affair. This faction of women, approximately a third of my interviewee pool, describe themselves as a good wife, a good mother, a successful career woman and a good lover. These relationships with the 'other man' satisfy some wives for years and become a way of life.
More than half the wives I've interviewed describe the lover as a vehicle through which to understand what is missing in the marriage -- and wives in this situation may give up the affair with a renewed commitment to the marriage. Others use the lover as a bridge to leave the marriage, although not necessarily for this person.
My study indicates that:
*70 percent of wives say the 'other man' is the opposite of their husbands
*40 percent view the lover as an escape
*Over 60 percent of women will engage in an extra marital affair (including an affair of the mind and a cyberspace affair) at some point in their marriage
*65 percent of interviewees report that sex is better with the lover
*90 percent of wives say they never imagined that they would have an affair
What remains so striking to me about women who choose to engage in affairs is how they use the affair to better understand themselves and their marriages. These women may be convention-bound, dedicated wives and mothers, but they seek the affair nonetheless. In this way, the affair represents a form of exploration, and the consequences seem of less concern than the chance to have the experience.
Below, test your knowledge of celeb affairs that ended in divorce:
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QUESTION: Who did Kelsey Grammar have an affair with while married to Camille?
<strong>a) Kathleen Robertson
b) Kayte Walsh
c) Kate Major
d) Ramona Singer</strong>
ANSWER: Kayte Walsh
Kelsey Grammar and Kayte Walsh began dating <a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2083272/Kelsey-Grammer-confesses-6-month-affair-Kayte-Walsh-leaving-wife-Camille.html?ito=feeds-newsxml" target="_hplink">six months</a> prior to his divorce from Camille. He and Kayte were married at the Plaza Hotel in February 2011.
QUESTION: Which married actor was sued for allegedly transmitting the Herpes Simplex Virus to a cocktail waitress?
<strong>a) Chevy Chase
b) Eddie Murphy
c) David Spade
d) Robin Williams</strong>
ANSWER: Robin Williams
In 1986, Robin Williams <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/1992/08/09/style/the-sexes-pillow-talk.html" target="_hplink">was sued by</a> Michelle Tish Carter for reportedly giving her Herpes during a sexual encounter two years earlier. At the time, Williams was married to Valerie Velardi.
QUESTION: Which co-star did Jennifer Lopez reportedly have an affair with while married to Chris Judd?
<strong>a) Ben Affleck
b) Ice Cube
c) Michael Vartan
d) Richard Gere</strong>
ANSWER: Ben Affleck
Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck's <a href="http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,628191,00.html" target="_hplink">met on the set</a> of their 2003 film, "Gigli." She <a href="http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,628191,00.html" target="_hplink">reportedly</a> began introducing Affleck as her boyfriend three days prior to filing for divorce from Judd.
QUESTION: Who stuck with her basketball star husband when he was accused of rape?
<strong>a) Shaunie O'Neil
b) Vanessa Bryant
c) Juanita Jordan
d) Khloe Kardashian</strong>
ANSWER: Vanessa Bryant
In 2003, Kobe Bryant had sexual relations with a Colorado hotel front-desk employee while married to Vanessa. The woman <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2004/09/02/national/02kobe.html" target="_hplink">accused Bryant of rape</a> but the charges were later dropped.
QUESTION: Which late-night host allegedly had an affair with a former assistant?
<strong>a) Jimmy Kimmel
b) Conan O'Brien
c) Jay Leno
d) David Letterman</strong>
ANSWER: David Letterman
David Letterman and his assistant Stephanie Birkitt were <a href="http://articles.latimes.com/2009/oct/03/entertainment/et-letterman3" target="_hplink">reportedly lovers</a> during their time together at CBS. Letterman was married to Regina Lasko at the time. Birkitt's diary was at the heart of an extortion scandal in which former <em>48 Hours</em> producer Joe Halderman attempted to get $2 million from the late-night host.
QUESTION: Who did Ali MacGraw leave Robert Evans for?
<strong>a) Ryan O'Neal
b) Robert Culp
c) Paul Newman
d) Steve McQueen</strong>
ANSWER: Steve McQueen
Robert Evans and Ali MacGraw were one of Hollywood's most famed couples; he was the head of Paramount Studios in the 1960s and 1970s and she was the star of the blockbuster film "Love Story". She left Evans after she fell in love with her co-star, Steve McQueen. <a href="http://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/features/2010/03/ali-macgraw-201003" target="_hplink">MacGraw married McQueen in 1973.</a>
QUESTION: Who did LeAnn Rimes cheat on Dean Sheremet with?
<strong>a) Dave Annable
b) Bryan Greenberg
c) Rob Lowe
d) Eddie Cibrian
</strong>
ANSWER: Eddie Cibrian
LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian <a href="http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/InTheSpotlight/leann-rimes-affair-actor-eddie-cibrian/story?id=12032482#.TweSzGPLxNY" target="_hplink">began an extramarital affair</a> on the set of their Lifetime movie, "Northern Lights." After divorcing both their respective spouses, the pair married in a private ceremony in April 2011.
QUESTION: Who was Tori Spelling married to while having an extramarital affair with Dean McDermott?
<strong>a) Todd Meister
b) Charlie Shanian
c) David Katzenberg
d) Brandon Jenner</strong>
ANSWER: Charlie Shanian
Tori Spelling and Charlie Shanian married in 2003. <a href="http://http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,1117511,00.html" target="_hplink">They called it quits</a> 16 months later, after revelations of her affair with Dean McDermott surfaced. One month after their divorce was finalized, Spelling and McDermott married in a private ceremony.
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If you have a problem in your marriage,with your spouse then you need to talk to someone. Start with your spouse. It could be he/she is as unhappy as you are. If you can't communicate with each other then there is a problem. If after talking to your spouse and nothing is resolved then seek professional help,alone if need be.
If you are bored,maybe your spouse is too. Try something to spice things up. There are all kinds of things you can do,anything from date nights to new lingere and candles to soft porn to role playing to extreme(for most people) like bondage and demonation.
I am now married for the second and last time. I was married almost 28 years,(two children)until husband's death.He had some problems both medical and substance. I never thought of cheating on him. I can't say for sure he never cheated on me,he liked to stay away from home all night. but I know I never cheated on him. We married at a young age(18) he was in the U.S. Navy for the first 3 years we were married(all overseas and I was in our hometown). I never cheated,can't say if he did or not.
I am now married to a man who drives truck for a living. I would never think of cheating on him. He works hard to provide for us(all of our kids are grown and moved out).
I really got nothing to say you be the judge if you feel your marriage is due to convenience move on until your soul-mate meets you in you life's journeys lifeline timeline
Pretty simple math here: do unto others as you would have them do unto you. That means unless your husband is overjoyed that you're banging your coworker after you swore to be faithful to him until you died, restrain yourself.
"over 60 pct of women engage in an affair" . 110 Fans - this article does not seem like a well designed stufy was done and so the 60 pct figure seems highly skewed and anecdotal. Also, the title says the reason for women straying. What are the reasons? I saw the effects (better insight into our marriages), but what are the reasons ? I may have missed it.
In my opinion people, men or women, who cheat, shouldn't be taken back. There is forever that bond of trust completely broken and when you sit there wondering why, realise its because they couldnt control their sexual urges and apparently you just weren't doin it for them. So I say have fun with your lover but were listing your infidelity as the reason for divorce. And if someone asked why we were divorcing Id say exactly why.