THE BLOG

5 Things Your Bedroom Says About Your Relationship

02/24/2015 04:11 pm ET | Updated Apr 25, 2015

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Your home is a mirror of your life.

When you are feeling chaotic, your spaces reflect that chaos. And when you tidy the space, you may be rewarded with a more relaxed state of mind.

But beyond the general feelings that are evoked by clean or cluttered spaces, each room of your house represents a unique connection to different aspects of your life.

One of the most potent of these reflections happens in your bedroom. Because of its personal nature, your bedroom represents your identity and your most intimate self.

Your bedroom also reflects your relationship to partnership, whether you are currently involved or single.

Here are five bedroom personalities and what they may be saying about your relationship with yourself and a significant other:

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The Perfect Bedroom

What it looks like:

This bedroom is put together. It looks like a magazine feature, every single day. Everything coordinates perfectly and is finished from top to bottom. Objects are in perfect working order and always exactly in place.

What it says:

The perfect bedroom may represent the desire for control in your life and relationship. Control isn't inherently negative. Creating a controlled environment at home, where you feel completely safe and that things are handled, may create more adaptability in the rest of your life. Be mindful, however, if this behavior is keeping you from addressing the deeper issues of control, or lack thereof, that you are experiencing in your partnership.

Consider letting your room get messy this week and don't address it immediately. Pay attention to what comes up internally.

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The Cluttered Bedroom:

What it looks like:

This bedroom has more stuff than can reasonably fit in the space. Therefore, there is clutter lying around that needs to be dealt with. Many of the spaces in the room are taken up with a project, overflow of a closet or dresser, or some other object that needs attention.

What it says:

The cluttered bedroom may indicate avoidance. Literally, there are things in this space that need your attention, but figuratively, it can mean that something else in your life needs to be addressed. Clutter distracts us, so when we are focused on either the appearance or the maintenance of clutter, it can be a way to avoid relationship issues.

The cluttered bedroom can also be a sign of protection. Having an abundance of objects around us acts like a shield, so when we feel the need to protect ourselves, we create physical boundaries with our belongings.

Experiment with clearing the clutter this week and observe what comes up emotionally.

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The Distracted Bedroom

What it looks like:

This bedroom is a very functional space. Think television, books and a laptop. Heck, maybe you've even managed to squeeze in a desk or a home gym.

What it says:

Since the bedroom, by its nature, is intended for rest and intimacy, the distracted bedroom can keep us from those goals. If there is a fear or discomfort around intimacy, it can be more comfortable to have other activities that require your attention in the bedroom. Similar to the cluttered bedroom, the distracted bedroom is often a sign of some kind of avoidance.

Try limiting the use of your distractions 2-3 times this week, and see what you find yourself thinking about or what comes up in your relationship.

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The Imbalanced Bedroom

What it looks like:

The bedroom may be imbalanced in layout, space distribution or design. There may be one side of the bed that has a very narrow walkway, or perhaps only one partner can fit their clothes in the bedroom. Maybe the room was designed with only one partner's taste in mind.

What it says:

The balance of the bedroom corresponds to the balance of power in your relationship. Now, again, power is not a "bad" word. In this context, it means that one person has the dominant personality, or is more likely to get their way in situations. This may be a healthy dynamic for your specific situation, because you have found harmony with it. That being said, it may breed unspoken resentment.

Consider addressing one of these imbalances this week and see how you both react.

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The Undecided Bedroom:

What it looks like:

This room is partially finished. It may mean that additional furniture is needed, art is left unhung, the room is awaiting a paint job or some other change is required for comfort. This room is often in a state of experimentation rather than finalized.

What it says:

Occupants of the undecided bedroom may have a fear of commitment or of making mistakes within their relationship. These fears manifest as reluctance to make decisions about the space that feel finite or have repercussions. "What if I buy that dresser and I don't like it? I can't afford a different one!" "What if I don't like the color I chose? I don't want to re-paint!"

Take one small step today towards completion in your space, while nurturing the accompanying thoughts that come up. Talk through resistance with your partner and see what comes up underneath.
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Overall, keep in mind that symbolism is individual, so while these five patterns are very common, they are not absolute. Start paying attention to your individual space habits and allow your bedroom to inform you of your own, unique deeper patterns.

Get your free e-booklet, The Intentional Bedroom: Your Ten Step Guide to Creating a Conscious Space and connect with Susan on Facebook for her weekly tips.