Look into my eyes.
What do you see?
You look at me. Perhaps assume certain things. But you don't know what I see.
I only see half of what most do.
We are one but not all the same.
I'm legally blind in one eye. I see the world with a unique perspective.
It impacts my life.
When I was young I was clumsy.
I always had bruises from major and minor accidents. I met one of my best friends in high school when we both walked right into poles mid-sentence. Me, on my blind side.
Now, I'm no longer clumsy. Though yoga and mindfulness I've trained my brain and body to compensate for what it lacks. Begun to integrate systems so they work together.
But there are things I can't change no matter how much yoga and meditation I do.
We work the best we can with what we've got.
I feel fatigue when driving. Looking through one eye I need to exert more effort to see the world clearly. Metaphor here?
My biggest lesson:
Don't assume others see like you.
When I was little I was forced to wear a patch on my good eye. Doctors tried to coerce me to try to see like others.
How often do we do this to each other with our words?
But right and perfect sight was not my way.
When I look through my mostly blind eye It's a journey down a dark tunnel.
Its not just dark but darkness closing in. Immediately terror abounds. Struggle, darkness, the unknown, feeling trapped.
Darkness grows when I look through it. Metaphor here?
Boom. Okay Susanna.
Shut down your rational, logical mind. Stop looking the way you always look. And open to shivering, chilling, magical intuition.
Accepting, open intuition. Surrender. Yes, for me, it's often better to feel than see. To go intuitively.
We can try to push ourselves into our neighbors perfect posture or life.
But it might not be possible for our body.
I've never seen with my left eye. It's likely I never will. No matter how hard I try to see like the rest of the able-eyed world I won't.
But I see differently. I perceive deeply. I feel strongly. It's what the gift of this body is giving me.
What are the gifts of your body?
Not the picture of perfection.
But the house of your experience.
Your source of sense experience,
Lightness, truth, joy, energy, sensory play. Fuel for experience and insight. Freedom. What it does for you each day. With all its uniqueness.
The body. Not the battle.
Not how we want it to be in future but as this perfect vehicle right now.
I struggle with this disability. I was made fun of for my lazy left blind eye.
It still moves when I chew. I'd be lying if I said I'm always okay with it.
It's taken a lot to embrace rather than hate my disability.
I've come to understand for me the hidden face of disability holds some beautiful offerings. I'm still learning.
I'm learning:
- Different perspectives on the world.
- Hidden disabilities include those of the psyche, spirit and soul. So much I might not know and I try not to assume.
There's a wide open space where all is included, nothing left out. Where we see and are seen in our entirety.
Meet me there.
-- Susanna Barkataki
Follow Susanna Barkataki on Twitter: www.twitter.com/SusannaWellness
And sign up to receive her weekly Wellness posts at www.healthyhotgoddess.com
I teach the dive deep, build community, balance your life kind of Yoga School and VIP Visionary Business Net-Workshops in LA, Orlando, Fl. and throughout the U.S.
Connect with me. I'd love to hear from you on your journey.
Email: susanna@healthyhotgoddess.com
Web: www.healthyhotgoddess.com and www.visionarybusiness.us
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