US magazine has reprinted an erotic cuckold dream that Tiger Woods reportedly sent to one of his alleged mistresses. Woods told "Rachel" in an email that he envisioned her having sex with Derek Jeter and Bones star David Boreanaz -- at the same time. The juicy email describes his fantasy in lurid detail.
Okay, I'm finally interested! "Adulterous Sports Star" didn't rouse me out of my non-monogamous slumber. On that count, Tiger needs to listen to Mo'Nique:
“[My husband and I] have an agreement that we’ll always be honest -- and if sex happens with another person, that’s not a deal breaker for us. That’s not something where we’ll have to say, ‘Oh God, we’ve got to go to divorce court because you cheated on me.’ Because we don’t cheat."
But this cuckold fantasy that Tiger spins, of watching his pretty lover get plowed by two butch hunks -- how timely!
The humiliated-but-thoroughly-aroused-husband is the biggest new trend in taboo erotic fantasies.
In 2006 or so, I started seeing the first mini-fad of erotic cuckolding confessions, which started to proliferate on Craigslist. More elaborate versions subsequently arrived in the form of manuscripts in my mailbox -- authors seeking to publish on the subject. It was still an "embarrassing" fantasy -- none of the people who sent me fiction wanted to use their real name in print.
Most of the authors I read were amateur, but one was really worthy of "Double Indemnity" craftsmanship -- a piece called "Playing Doctor," by Eloise Chagrin, which I published in The Best American Erotica 2008.
Eloise offered this point of view in a postscript to the story:
"It surprises me to no end that the sexual fetish of cuckoldry, once thought of as a disability, could be shared by so many people. The cuckolding fetish has an element of surprise, along with a bittersweet emotional masochism.
"Another key to the fetish, from the perspective of the cuckold, is that of eroticizing as a defense mechanism. When someone you care about expresses their interest in another person, you wrestle with your inadequacies. This fight may take on different forms, in many cases with the ultimate rejection of your lover.
"However, if your bond is strong, and you’re able to put aside that sense of self, then it’s possible to experience pleasure vicariously.
"Many people may think of this as abhorrent, as tantamount to abuse, while others believe it’s an essential part of their sexual health. I don’t know; I’m only trying to describe something that I’ve thought about for a long time.
"Some may find putting oneself second to be deleterious to one’s emotional health; others find something beautiful in the idea of loving your partner so much that you become attracted to whatever role he or she plays, whatever the two of you become. I leave the benedictions to others.
"A third ingredient to the mix is homoerotic. There is no way to avoid this with groups of three. Even in the most repressed situations, at least two out of the three people are of the same gender, and all parties are interested in the situation, else they would stop participating.
"In my story, as in my perceptions of cuckoldry from real life, betrayal is on the horizon. There’s a real possibility that any pair may break off from the group and form a greater intimacy. That prospect keeps the game competitive, and the players had better give their best performances, bank on everything they have in their bag of tricks -- because, ultimately, someone must lose."
After I published "Playing Doctor," I heard from Kidder Kaper, the impresario of the Sex is Fun game group, who told me he was writing an illustrated book of sexy role-playing games for couples. He wanted my feedback on a cuckolding fantasy he was drawing.
His scheme involved setting up a tableau in your bedroom so it looks "as if" the wife is just getting buggered by a handyman before her husband walks in. Very clever! All the erotic drama without an actual plumber -- or cheatin'!
I think ground zero for the "Out and Proud Cuckold" scene was Seattle; in part due to Dan Savage's column, who is always pulling off the manhole cover.
His column was the first place I listened to men, who, despite using pseudonyms, were unapologetic about their turn-on.
"Yes," they said, "it's emotionally masochistic; so what? Why do bottoms who merely request spankings get to have all the fun?"
Then there was the question, "But isn't it gay? Are you hung up on Daddy?"
Some men, said, "Sure, I'm bisexual and a submissive. I'm a happy camper." Others said,"This fantasy doesn't work for me without the woman; she's the star. I identify with her, but I don't want to be a man getting worked by another man."
Mostly what they said, like every other person who has a non-vanilla fantasy life, was: "Don't judge me!"
Cuckold-fantasists are every kind of person, not identifiable by what they wear or the circumstances of their public life. You might think they were one of the most powerful, charismatic men in the world -- you know, like Tiger Woods. Is he ready to be a poster boy?
Do women eroticize being cheated on? Jealousy is a universal experience and we often "play" with its green tendrils, to give ourselves a charge. Too much, and it's anti-erotic -- just enough, and it's spice.
To tell you the truth, though, I have never received a manuscript submission where a "wife" describes coming home to find her husband being ravished by two man-eating nymphos who make sport of her. In a classic cuckquean fantasy, the wife would then jill off, right in front of her sexy tormenters, simultaneously humiliated and exhilarated.
The next day, she would hold a press conference and "stand by her man." Right? ;-)
I think women of our times do eroticize sexual humiliation a little differently... perhaps you'd care to weigh in? Note: obviously no one enjoys reality-based humiliation... please address the erotic/S/M aspect!
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