Playfulness - Can Getting Experimental Lead To Orgasm?

Women have a lot of complaints about their male lovers. It's one of the reasons that women are unhappy, I think. They get frustrated feeling as though they have to teach their lover over and over again and then, over the years, they just give up. Great sex doesn't happen naturally despite the prevalence of the myth that says it's supposed to 'just happen naturally'.

I am sure that the most inspiring, out-of-this-world sex you've ever had was a result of good technique, great set and setting (music, lighting, location, vibes), playfulness, a lengthy time period but most importantly a lover who was fully present with you. This combination of factors doesn't just happen naturally. It takes practice and consciousness.

The truth is, though, that you are responsible for your own pleasure. You're lover isn't responsible, you are. It helps to have a trained lover but there are ways that women can better advocate for themselves in the arena of great sex. It requires work (fun work), a sense of playfulness, a commitment to conscious communication, body knowledge, a sense of your own adventure-driven nature, time and a sense of amazement and wonderment.

Surveys and sexuality reports tell us that roughly 20% of sexually active women have orgasms during intercourse. Assumptions will need to be made about that number because we don't know if that includes manual stimulation of the clitoris during intercourse or not and several other issues that might skew the statistics. I personally find this number to be a sad testament to Western culture's lack of understanding that sex is a healthful addition to anything we might do for our physical and mental wellbeing.

Orgasms are important to women no matter how convincing the idea of being in pleasure without being goal oriented is. Some of the time you can do this and some of the time you want an orgasm, pure and simple. Cultural constraints, modern media, lovers and friends can all influence how you might feel about your body, emotions and your ability to orgasm. Sometimes you just want what she's having and you want it now. If that's the case with you then find your lover, get playful and read this:

The famous anthropologist Desmond Morris wrote: "A group of 27 couples were asked to vary their sexual positions experimentally, employing postures that would allow greater stimulation of the two vaginal 'hot spots', and it was found that three-quarters of the females involved were then able to achieve regular vaginal orgasms."

In other words, it has been confirmed that becoming more uninhibited, playful and less self-conscious are all important ingredients in freeing orgasms and in producing multiple orgasms in women. Sexual liberation can translate to sexual ecstasy when a sense of freedom and playfulness is brought to lovemaking. Experimenting with even the most subtle of movements, or shifts of a single position, can make a huge difference in getting the right kind of stimulation. You can't find those distinctions unless you are playing.

Here's a position from the Kama Sutra that you can try being playful with. See my short video explaining a bit about the best angles of penetration for intercourse:

Kama Sutra Positions Angles Video

The Kama Sutra Position: The Splitting of the Bamboo
In this position the woman lies down on her back and the man straddles her as in the Missionary Position. She then raises one of her legs and places it on her lover's shoulder. Her other leg stretches out to the couple's side or she can bring it up closer to her body by bending it at the knee. After a brief time the legs are switched and then switched again creating a back and forth motion that can sweep the head of the penis across the G-spot in a windshield wiper like fashion.

In this position the woman may discover that one side works far better for her than the other. If the couple decides to stay in that position for a while she can begin to move her buttocks and legs in small, specific ways to increase the friction and pleasure. She can lift her buttocks, shift it to one side slightly, have her lover put a small pillow under her on one side or the other, slide her leg up further on his shoulder - I think you get the picture. There are a million subtle shifts that can occur that will make a significant difference in the results.

Try this one over the weekend. Let me know how it goes!

Suzie Heumann is the founder of Tantra.com. She studies, writes, has authored three books and makes films about conscious sex, Tantra and the Kama Sutra. Check out Tantra.com Premium for the most comprehensive tantra training available on the Internet!

Follow Suzie Heumann on Twitter: www.twitter.com/SuzieHeumann

Comments

[SOSTED]

I'm a fundamentalist Christian and dance during, before and after sex!!

No inhibitions here!! Thelove of my life, for 24 years has always enjoyed dancing with me.
3 children/ 7 grandchildren

[SomeoneToComment]

As I do appreciate the general positive attitude that women have regarding better sex, but the truth must be told. I can honestly say that after having many deep honest discussions with men all over the USA; the truth is that about 7 out of 10 males would rape females if there were no consequences, other than the female being hurt. It is beyond sad how many men really feel this way. We have a serious sickness in this world to hurt. Put it on a sign and stand on street corner. The problem will never be solved as long as the truth is ignored.

[SomeoneToComment]

My wife and I are celebrating our 20th next month. We have three boys, 19, 13 and 2.
I want to teach our kids right. I think/hope the answer to this problem is that a person has to, for lack of better term, give a crap. They need to really give a crap about others at their core. Those that do this/feel/be this way can find true happiness. Those that do not/can not and are doomed. I do not know if everyone with these problems can really be helped. I would like think at least most can.
Even the best man at our wedding admitted, years later, he has that problem too. His condition was if the world was going to end tomorrow. I was ashamed to hear this from him, but not surprised. How do you help people like this? Are they even really people? Will they ever be?
And this is what happens. Lack of good sex/love making, infidelity, corrupt behavior, etc. It affects everything in their lives. Most hide it pretty well and are fairly trustworthy as far as not going too far by societal morals is concerned, yet it still play havoc on day to day living for many people.
I think people need to be taught the importance of caring "First", in who they are. It scares me when people are being real and say they do not really care.

[foureyedbuzzard]

Does this mean I have to use the remote to switch from SportsCenter to Lifetime?

[Allan Kearney]

You know why women fake orgasms? They think we care

[Paramendra Bhagat]

Bombay Palace, K Lounge.

[TruthTellaStella]

Tantric sex is like building a sandwich that gets knocked out of your hand right before your about to take your first bite. Why would i not want to orgasm? Im actually pretty good at it, i do it almost everytime

Women, take responsibility for your own orgasms!

[DCX2]

The problem I have with tantric is that when a man orgasms, it's all over, but when a woman orgasms, it all begins.

To use a gaming analogy, once a man peaks, game over, no continues...and you have to go home to get more quarters! Tantric sex, then, prevents the game from ending. When a woman peaks, it's like getting a 1-up (*cue 1-up sound*). There's pretty much no disadvantage (*cue multiple 1-up sounds in rapid succession*), because she's going to get sore sooner or later anyway (hopefully you've won the game by then)

The man needs to carefully ride his pleasure curve, keeping it above and below certain threshold values. It helps to have something to do to buy some time while you relax. But he need not waste this time. If he's gunna pop, stop and go down. It will buy the man some time to cool off a bit, but the woman really has to trim, and I believe there may be a generational split regarding such grooming.

There are other suggestions, but comment space is limited and I already got mod'd once so I tried to keep it tantric-ish this time...lol, maybe I was too raunchy with that last comment? seriously, only trying to help people

[Bluedrgn]

Only 20%, really? What? Are most guys really that bad? Do I date women that know how to have orgasms or am I doing something right? I mean my partners have not had an orgasm 100% of the time, but I always felt the times they had 3 or 4 or 20 sort of made up for it... Geez, I need a sigh or something that says sex is one thing I'm actually decent at.

[nan nan]

Or maybe they are faking it. And I'm pretty much sure that has never occurred to you, "decent guy"...

[Bluedrgn]

Never happened to you so I must be lying or mistaken eh? And I'm hardly an arrogant prick who thinks he walks on water as you seem to be implying.

[bluecollarblogger]

Positions, kama sutra? What ever happened to just talking, intimacy and just making someone feel wanted and needed? I believe that what has happened is that we have taken the 75 mph lifestyle into the bedroom! We need to slow down, enjoy one another, actually look into one anothers eyes. Been married 28 years and found the love better, why because we have learned to slow down, talk, communicate. Want to energize your sex life, turn on the light, tell her how beautiful she is, and never take your eyes of hers!

[brooklyncitizen]

awwwwwww

[Lokita and Steve Carter - Huffpost Blogger]

And with the light on, she could tell HIM how amazing he is, and never take her eyes off his!

[SlithyTove]

I am afraid you are missing the point of tantric sex -- orgasm is not the goal.

[Opus Loki]

You cats have the wrong idea. Most younger people just want to jump an hump. That's why you have bad sex. Tha'ts why the "size matters" thing get credence. Older guys that love to please don't need teaching. You have to want to please the other person more than please yourself. Making love or having sex is not a track meet. Never had use for a "quickie". If that's what you do you'll come out better getting a tread mill. Younger bodies look a lot better but experience will get you where you want to go."I don't see nuthin' wrong with a little bump n grind "but I'd rather "take you on a slow boat to China"...

[purplefishies]

Try dating engineers or other people who like solving problems . They will make sure they figure out how your body works and show you a great time.

[DCX2]

As an engineer myself, I would have to agree with you.

[dmac]

...and as someone involved with an engineer; interesting idea. It's certainly true in his case.

[SemperVeritas]

Hmm. Now where did I put that manual again??

Part A into Part B.... hmm, so complicated. Got to be a more elegant solution.

I know! I'll make a flow chart to help me figure it all out.

Then I'll run a frequency distribution. Maybe a nice Pareto diagram after that.
Who knows -- maybe a juicy scatter diagram! Oh, you naughty boy, you.

The missus will be so impressed.

[iplaw]

LOL, I am sure engineers give a lot of orgasms.

[RG5626]

Hey, what about geologist? We're all about understanding subsurface morphology.

[ohiodem250]

Ever heard the phrase "It's not about the destination, it's about the journey"? I'm a firm believer that you'll get where you're going eventually and you'll enjoy it that much more if you enjoy the path to it.

The important part is not the mechanics. It's about finding someone who you feel comfortable enough to lose your inhibitions with...or just plain losing your inhibitions. Don't be afraid to tell your lover what feels good. But also be open enough to do what they tell you makes them feel good.

And for godsakes, if at first you don't succeed, try, try, try, try, try, oh my god, try again!

[hypnotoad72]

I'm going to need some help for this one...

[bodo]

As every fundamentalist Christian knows, sex is dangerous, because it can lead to dancing.