There's a joy in mastering something that might have felt unattainable in the past. I remember many years ago when my husband and I picked up the book ESO - Extended Sexual Orgasm, by Donna and Alan Brauer, a husband and wife team, then at Stanford University. We were amazed at how relatively easy, and fun, the practices were and how quickly we saw results - results that have lasted all these years. Though the book is long gone from my library I have no doubt that the techniques are a modern version of ancient Taoist, Tantric, Arabian and Japanese methods for expanding orgasmic pleasure.
The Tantrics and Taoists, in particular, have developed, over thousands of years, simple, relatively easy and obviously fun techniques to help men train themselves to last longer, choose when they might ejaculate (or not) and experience multiple orgasms without ejaculating. Orgasm and ejaculation are two separate physiological experiences. They don't necessarily go together, it just seems that way.
The interesting part about achieving ejaculation mastery is that it is the basic practices of self-control and breathing that is fundamental to success. The same is true for learning yoga and meditation. Breathing, focus and the self-control to move forward and accomplish each step to mastery is the universal 'juice' to many of life's worthier practices.
And that is actually the more important part to these practices. Tantric sex is one of the many vehicles to the destination of consciousness. Yes, it's a great vehicle, but any practices I ever give are meant to expand your awareness, cause you to investigate and bring an inquisitive mind to your life and, most importantly, recognize that you can use the practices at any moment throughout your day.
When you involve your mind with your body you build new brain connections that will stay with you your whole life. 'Use It or Lose It' is real and by using your brain to up the quotient of your sexual pleasure you are building new neurons and connecting existing ones too. Then, the flow of orgasmic energy becomes a vital tool you can use to up the ante on your life.
That's the goal: conscious ecstasy. If you can breathe effectively while in high states of arousal and extended orgasm, then, after a bit of practice, you can simply breathe and attain a similar ecstatic state, outside of the bedroom. You have entrained sections of your brain to produce the feeling state associated with the bodily state. This is actually not difficult and it is incredibly useful, especially as you age and find your bodily functions not living up to your mind's expectations.
See my short video explaining a bit about breathing and ejaculation control:
Learning ejaculation mastery isn't very difficult and the following practice could change your life in unimaginable ways. So this is your mission, men. Should you choose to accept this mission it will require:
- Some quality time devoted to having fun training sessions
- Learning to relax in the high-states of orgasmic bliss
- Changing your breathing habits from chest breathing to belly breathing
- Understanding the deep integration of body and mind
- Loving your body and all the wonderful things it's capable of
Having said all that, most men see significant results in just two weeks of practice. This might encompass six focused workouts. Sounds painful, doesn't it.
All kidding aside, you are not alone. It's reported that up to 75% of all men ejaculate within 2 to 5 minutes of beginning intercourse. The hurry-up techniques are a result of many things that may include guilty feelings, fear of getting caught self-pleasuring, out of touch feelings with your body and honesty and trust issues with your partner/s. Very often you've just trained yourself to come too quickly.
Space here doesn't allow for a full lesson plan, though this can be found on Tantra.com. The basic technique is to practice solo or with a partner to simply last longer. This should begin with self-pleasuring that, on a scale of 1 to 10, stops every time you reach a 7, 8 or 9 - what ever stage you can get to without going over-the-top. Relax and breathe deeply into your belly for a few minutes and then start again. This will require some self-restraint at first but the results are well worth it. Bring your focus and willpower to bear. You will very soon understand that as you get closer to the ability to not go over-the-top you will actually be experiencing orgasmic-like pleasure without coming. Watch the video above to get a better picture of the details.
After a few weeks of solo practice involve your lover next. Have them use their hands to pleasure you and use the same techniques to master the extra energy of a partner. You will fall a bit back into old patterns at this stage but they will pass more quickly this time. The next step will be to have intercourse with your partner. You may have to, in effect, start the process over. You'll have to stop at that 7, 8 or 9 place and rest. This time, though, the results should happen much sooner. Your body and mind will be working together this time.
Remember to relax and breathe deeply into your belly. Use your mind to imagine the sexual energy spreading throughout your whole torso and up your spine, chest and throat. Your lover can use their hands to spread the sexual energy up your chest, over and over, as they remind you to breathe and relax into the pleasure.
I'd love to hear about any of your experiences with this. It's always good data and it encourages me to do this kind of writing every now and then.
Suzie Heumann is the founder of Tantra.com. She studies, writes, has authored three books and makes films about conscious sex, Tantra and the Kama Sutra. Check out Tantra.com Premium for the most comprehensive tantra training available on the Internet!