I Got Into a Fight With a Giant Douche Bag This Morning

I got into a fight this morning.

I was midway through my morning walk with my dog. Hudson. We make the same loop around our neighborhood every day, for the most part, a quiet winding road up and around our little enclave within Coldwater Canon. And then, I walked past a guy sitting in his Bentley, talking on the cell phone while his engine idling.

And that pissed me off.

Few things piss me off like a running engine for no reason. It's not like scientists from all around the world are officially proclaiming that we are in the midst of a global warming crisis, or that The United Nations Council has stated that we have a finite amount of time to bring about changes aiming at combating green house gases and emissions such as those which stream out of exhaust pipes in cars that are running for no reason.

Oh, they have?

Now look, I'm not insane. Were we to be making our morning walk in say, Buffalo, New York in freezing cold weather, then maybe I wouldn't be making such a to do...but this was a 69 degree morning in Beverly Hills, California, and so the following conversation ensued:

Me: Hey. Why don't you turn your car off while you're just sitting there.

(Note to self -- a simple "please" gets you places.)

Douche bag in Bentley: vroom vroom - he guns his engine to make very intimidating manly noise as if to tell me off.

Me: Turn off your car...what's your problem?

DIB: Why don't you get a job so you can find a better way to spend your time other than harassing people?

Me: Are you kidding me? Why don't you take your small penis car out of my neighborhood, you douche bag?

He then peeled away from the curb and yelled out the window at me as I walked away that I probably had some movie deal waiting for me at home, and why didn't I go deal with it, which I found remotely amusing and completely irrelevant.

Now I don't condone anger or violence, or even the use of the term douche bag, but what could possibly be the big deal, and why would someone feel the need to freak out over a simple request to cut an unnecessarily running engine in this day and age? And according to the United States Environmental Protection Agency's press release from the Office of Mobile Sources, emissions from an idling car doesn't just contribute to global warming, it wastes gas. In fact, if you are planning on idling your car for 30 seconds or more, you'll actually save gas by turning the car off and on. With the price of gas these days, that could end up being an entire holiday budget!

The point is we all need to find the simplest and easiest ways to help stop global warming. Turning your engine off while sitting in your car is not only a no brainer, but it can also lead to peace on earth...in my neighborhood, anyway.

Comments

[PeteBogs]

he was a douchebag, but what gave you the right to use such sexist language? if he'd said "you must be on the rag, lady" you would've wanted to kill him...

[winningticket]

Americans won't give up their cars. It's such a gotta have, environment and global warming be damned. Mass Transit Now!

[BlackWidowPilot]

Madame,

how DARE you attack is masculine inadequacies! The poor sod may have been on the cellphone with his therapist at the time....

Don't you know that the bigger the truck, the smaller the, er... *endowment?*

Leland R. Erickson
Citizen

[Lisette]

Has elementary courtesy gone out of style?

I find swear words so offensive.

Don't swear like that, in some places you might be in real trouble.

[JScott]

Wonder if the douche bag is even aware that it will be AGAINST STATE LAW to yak on a cell phone while driving (you must be using a hands free device) in Jan 2008 -less than 30 days away YAY!!!!!

[True]

I'm not a car expert, but i was always under the impression that in terms of efficiency, it used more power to shut your car off and turn it on again, than to leave it running for a few minutes.

[SJeffH]

I'm curious, how much CO2 is placed into the atmosphere daily by automobiles and how much by planes?

[deweym]

Confront tyranny and practicing douche bags. The times has come that all douche bags need to be confronted. Let's make this week "Confront a Douche Bag Week".

[peterg76]

Obviously the car was substituting for his masculinity and you threatened his masculinity.

(Not saying you were wrong, just explaining how the douche bag thinks.)

[MrsManarlican]

Wow. I was truly amazed to read this blog concidering all the incredibly thoughtful and relevant articles being posted, I would count this on the low list of real concerns in the world today. I think a previous commenter already said that, sorry for the redundancy.

I can't help but agree with most here that your self-righteous request for that guy to shut off his car was a tad overstepping your bounds. How would you like it if someone noticed your house was warm one cold winter night and knocked on your door to request you please turn off your heater and don a sweater because heating wastes precious resources and contributes to global warming?

Problem #1 with America: ignorance.
Problem #2 with America: thinking that somehow supporting a cause equals complete intelligence regarding that cause and the right to tell others how to live their lives.

The poor guy could have been anyone, what if he pulled over to talk on his phone so that he wasn't driving like a drunk through morning traffic? What if he was lost? What if there was something wrong with his car? What if what if what if? What if you had waved and smiled at him thereby making his day better so that he would wave and smile at someone else and so on and so forth. My point, I suppose, is that there is enough negative rot in the world, we don't need to perpetuate it by emitting our own self-rightous negative rot. Get a hobby.

[TJS]

I suspect there are a lot more Douch Bags in Beverly Hills than in Buffalo. As they say in real estate, "Location, location, location..­."

[oscarf]

I agree with the displaced anger idea, but still, I admire your forthrightness.

Nonetheless, I would guess that most of us who worry about global warming would also agree that torture is not the best way to obtain reliable information from people. That fact exposes torture for its real purpose, torture.

Being an irritant is one way, but probably not the most effective way, to get things done in the world. That fact tends to expose the personal underbelly of confrontational activism and to bring its childishness into bold relief.

Not that there's anything wrong with that, it's just that the world could probably be improved by better means on a better day ... ;-)

[JazzyJake]

Prius owners don't have this issue - the car shuts down while stationary. It can, of course, because it can start from the electric motor that only needs to power on demand.

The point here is that we have technology to reduce wasteful consumption of gasoline, but not the will to make use of it.

Let's start by mandating a minimum MPG of 35 for passenger vehicles. And while were at it, lets produce cars that can't go faster than 65 MPG. We also need to eliminate recreational wastes of gasoline (ATVs, jet skis...) and the use of gasoline powered appliances (mowers, blowers, ...). The latter for noise pollution just as much as gasoline pollution and waste [my neighborhood is uninhabitable on Sundays because of lawn-nuts and their power equipment].

We are wasting a resource that will have catastrophic impact on the economy when it runs out. It's time to force Americans to give up their wasteful, selfish ways.

[CARTERJ]

Get this. Last year, at my corner gas station in Atlanta, a car was idling, unlocked, by the gas pump, and two children sitting inside. The mother was in the store paying for her gas!

I stopped, turned off my car, and when the woman came back out, I said to her, "Ma'am,if I were a criminal, I could have just stolen your car and kidnapped your kids. This is a big city, and it only takes one time. PLEASE don't ever do this again!" She looked at me as if I were from another planet, which, of course, I am.

[MajorKong]

I'm just wondering what it's like living in a subdivision where the neighbors drive Bentleys. I can probably count on one hand the number of Bentleys I've even seen in my life.